tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40649617664511520352024-03-13T11:51:16.739-07:00oodblohungertainmentaliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-80254682173732419672013-01-24T18:59:00.001-08:002013-01-26T20:52:16.098-08:00Root Veggie Chips<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl-H9Dqa_xutsXL_O_oM10y365Ue6yudzF4FruzUgDmqDVHkaJz4eDQsQ9LsKwxhyphenhyphenzHxQna5Bi0YoIYXSk2zXf-Y6JYnl3mHc3vnODf8xioa3RXPYJPLR-9_oTo4xVtOtaks-OWvfrttNe/s1600/MG_3813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="434" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl-H9Dqa_xutsXL_O_oM10y365Ue6yudzF4FruzUgDmqDVHkaJz4eDQsQ9LsKwxhyphenhyphenzHxQna5Bi0YoIYXSk2zXf-Y6JYnl3mHc3vnODf8xioa3RXPYJPLR-9_oTo4xVtOtaks-OWvfrttNe/s640/MG_3813.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">How's your bottom looking? Have people been stopping you constantly to tell you how good you look? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It's not too late to make a new year's resolution.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Relax, I'm not here to bust your balls, smelly. I'm not the health food police. I'm more like a sleazy lobbyist for saturated fat.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What I'm saying is that maybe your resolution should be to gain 10 lbs. No matter what anyone says, no one likes an attractive person. And all those haters stopping to compliment you are wasting time that you could be wasting on your terms. Lucky for you, uncle oodblo has the cure-all: Eat a shitload of chips and stay seated basically always. You're welcome.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I started making chips this way a few months ago, on a whim. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'd had shitty luck </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">trying to make sweet potato chips </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">in the past. I had this idea in my head that thinly sliced sweet potatoes would burn if I tried to fry them (probably because sweet potato fries can be a bitch to fry), so I had always tried baking them. Wow - what a pain in the dick. First off - talk about irony - they burn. They bake for awhile, then they progress from floppy/decidedly undercooked to perfect to burnt in, seemingly, a minute and a half. And they shrink so much, to about 1/3 of their original size, so it takes forever to bake a batch, because you have to break them into so many groups. Now, if you have a convection oven that can cook a fuckin' dinosaur, great; otherwise, frying is a far saner option. See, chips are all about the release of moisture - a wet chip is really no chip at all - and if you have an oven full of sweet potato slices, you're gonna have an oven as humid a bikram yoga class *, not good if you're trying to bake something crisp. (Any blog that slows a million pictures of happy baked chips stacked high isn't telling you that it took them half and hour to make 15 chips and all goddamn day to get enough chips for that picture) </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFLH2YQxAevSXRtja6C89fCnZ4H5Hsl-1kGyDuAvxOFHUgUx46tKI5jlIs_Gsi8wI2DGiBr9cGH4u-Nwop1KBXcpCrM6xjIX0SdnwlGbgQGnkIRhhI3FdF1_ilwGGRAQdKtDiVb2ot5Nm/s1600/MG_3643.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="510" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFLH2YQxAevSXRtja6C89fCnZ4H5Hsl-1kGyDuAvxOFHUgUx46tKI5jlIs_Gsi8wI2DGiBr9cGH4u-Nwop1KBXcpCrM6xjIX0SdnwlGbgQGnkIRhhI3FdF1_ilwGGRAQdKtDiVb2ot5Nm/s640/MG_3643.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">proto-chips</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Frying these chips works better because a) you're getting more even heat distribution than in a conventional oven, so no burned chips and b) the moisture releases straight into the air, away from the cooking area, instead of steaming the chips like in the oven.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This recipe works for any root veggie that I've tried. Not to get all 'not glib' on you, but this is the best recipe I've come up with in awhile (especially the sweet potato and beets). But the best part: these are addictive as shit, so you're gonna gain that 10 lbs in no time! Enjoy and keep reaching for those stars, even though you're probably statistically average! </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i></i><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Note: Consistent thickness to your slices is paramount here. Inconsistent slices will get you a gnarly combo of oily, limp chips and burnt-to-a-crisp chips, so unless you’re a robot and can be programmed to cut perfect 1/16th” slices, you need a mandoline slicer for this recipe. </span></i></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Root Veggie Chips</b><span style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>(makes about an hour’s worth for 5 or 6 people)</span></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Assortment of root vegetables (I used potato, sweet potato, garnet yam, beet and malanga root), sliced 1/16th inch thick<span style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>Oil for frying<span style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>Salt</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjed6HwuzsjDLyCE74CXtR5VGDqNUwm8nFrJt95YJ9yUM-UCfASnJlpbNTf2pwHC2P3WfPBEs1armNV7LSPvf5tVCYLYXZDyMNUciEejImNatNFzyCwHgzcekDZDYzKZVrWSFIUSjZYWbA1/s1600/MG_3236.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="534" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjed6HwuzsjDLyCE74CXtR5VGDqNUwm8nFrJt95YJ9yUM-UCfASnJlpbNTf2pwHC2P3WfPBEs1armNV7LSPvf5tVCYLYXZDyMNUciEejImNatNFzyCwHgzcekDZDYzKZVrWSFIUSjZYWbA1/s640/MG_3236.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">soak</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">1. <b>Soak.</b> Soak the starchy veggie slices in an ice water bath to draw out some of that starch, 30-60 minutes. If you’re using multiple veggies, keep them separate, as they have different cooking times (from 7 minutes for the garnet yam to 12 or more for potatoes and sweet potatoes). The malanga root literally oozes starch, so those slices may need more soaking time, and they’ll definitely need a rinse afterward. Beets aren’t starchy, so they don’t need to soak.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNoxqI92C7uT7i0UbbHVYWezy9ysyuT270P6E4xzdUDIJM0SaXNPd_TY8qFKTolZaLUHQPOY2LKtk_zXbBkwT8w9G2Jp0QNwoC3wwGk9ddCjkVOgM8eSkKxN3e85zxV_TkkCvYWPUz12S5/s1600/MG_3268.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNoxqI92C7uT7i0UbbHVYWezy9ysyuT270P6E4xzdUDIJM0SaXNPd_TY8qFKTolZaLUHQPOY2LKtk_zXbBkwT8w9G2Jp0QNwoC3wwGk9ddCjkVOgM8eSkKxN3e85zxV_TkkCvYWPUz12S5/s640/MG_3268.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">dry</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">2. <b>Dry.</b> Eliminating moisture is the name of the game here, so you want as little water as possible hitting the oil. Dry veggie slices on racks or towels, preferably with the assistance of a fan. Pat them dry if you’re pressed for time.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHCv58Bd3kfUHlqCUOWMHA57vDwNH9DcZiEdL77kMdtWd5I6NaMelm3e7om1ixUe8fUnMkMe6C2QfS2PaNwGJiiqBstJ-NFf_zVVSPBf8U7pQnUYhkAiKJqXYvFobIMkyZ2DAaWwBmKF68/s1600/MG_3733.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="464" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHCv58Bd3kfUHlqCUOWMHA57vDwNH9DcZiEdL77kMdtWd5I6NaMelm3e7om1ixUe8fUnMkMe6C2QfS2PaNwGJiiqBstJ-NFf_zVVSPBf8U7pQnUYhkAiKJqXYvFobIMkyZ2DAaWwBmKF68/s640/MG_3733.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">fry</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">3. <b>Fry.</b> Heat your oil (I used peanut oil, nearly a gallon) to about 350 (med-hi for me). Fry the chips in batches, gingerly flipping every 3 minutes or so. Don’t mess with them too much or they’ll break apart. Watch them. When there is hardly any steam coming off of the oil, you’re almost there. Now<b> listen</b> to them. The chips are done when the sound of the oil bubbling sllooooows waaaay down — just like when you’re making popcorn and it’s done when the pops slow to every two seconds. When the bubbling slows to a lazy crawl, they’re done. Drain them, salt them, let them cool (the beets in particular crisp as they drain and cool) and devour or store for later devouring.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXhyB0z5fLxjoPTZWp826OS4UN7zvcea0aNVsHuEKDjR8vEPEa1Q6gE7AY5OprSZ87TAcFWpm7r436CHCtQSzAK5AKcheSnjVI6LhtVAGC1tBdRpKAS_HXoN42g2weVXSzhf8H-DeSOLvC/s1600/mergeq.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="492" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXhyB0z5fLxjoPTZWp826OS4UN7zvcea0aNVsHuEKDjR8vEPEa1Q6gE7AY5OprSZ87TAcFWpm7r436CHCtQSzAK5AKcheSnjVI6LhtVAGC1tBdRpKAS_HXoN42g2weVXSzhf8H-DeSOLvC/s640/mergeq.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I used photoshop to create the illusion of these chips on the plate together. I'm sorry if you feel I've deceived you.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 22.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">*But with considerably less moisture coming from titty sweat. Now, am I right ladies or am I right?</span></div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-44822651652695024432013-01-24T17:58:00.002-08:002013-01-24T17:58:21.182-08:00Wonton Ravioli<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICjDe-9aJTvKedW_NN8bkhh_pOC0uiakgDYFtToDJDFe_e_vQTJc-pyMoY8fTz8xCMhqfux43itYgFed2V67hkchBfFBlRO1Q7KjZaXrKNTOkt_ei1_NiYWdFqgS3GzYB8q0YEiZ0dPF8/s1600/_MG_1618.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICjDe-9aJTvKedW_NN8bkhh_pOC0uiakgDYFtToDJDFe_e_vQTJc-pyMoY8fTz8xCMhqfux43itYgFed2V67hkchBfFBlRO1Q7KjZaXrKNTOkt_ei1_NiYWdFqgS3GzYB8q0YEiZ0dPF8/s640/_MG_1618.jpg" width="578" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Every time I go for an extended period without updating this blog I end up feeling like I owe you pricks an excuse. <i>My dog puked on my laptop, I was lost in the space-time continuum*, etc</i>. Fuck you for making me feel so wanted. I didn't ask for the responsibility of having the world's greatest blog half a decade after people stopped caring about blogs, I signed up for it because it was free.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The cold, hard truth is this: I have an actual job. Plus, every week I write for the food blog of a local 'legitimate' publication (whatever the hell that means). Good work if you can find it.** </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(having a hard time reading between the lines? Now you don't have to: I'm too goddamn lazy to write two blogs all the time is what I am telling you.)</span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I like writing for that publication too - it's as good an excuse as any to wear a fedora and drink scotch all day - but when people on the street ask me why I don't do much oodblo anymore, I'm reminded, as my inner workings come up with the proper response, (usually 'eat my ass' , 'fuck off', or a polite waving of the middle finger, if I'm in a professional setting) of why I started this blog in the first place: to be sensationalistic and crass***, without any reprecussions. It's 9 year old me's dream come true. If I could go back in time and say anything to that young man it would be this: <i>you'll reach your dream kid, you'll reach your hell-balls-shit-bastard dream. And try using 'douchebag' as a pejorative; you'll be way ahead of your time.</i></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivAkfbOwU1TTvrKZGuws9FuB89hoJZiDkUDKYtgj9m3laN_TvgQ9YqoQ-6Enu0L5gqwfXQn9VFaZzhnmcL94-OSDJpGcZANlrcS0dFC8vRax8eEfIm1nDG0oMBHVEvUFgAiBfhvayrWrR2/s1600/_MG_1592.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="548" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivAkfbOwU1TTvrKZGuws9FuB89hoJZiDkUDKYtgj9m3laN_TvgQ9YqoQ-6Enu0L5gqwfXQn9VFaZzhnmcL94-OSDJpGcZANlrcS0dFC8vRax8eEfIm1nDG0oMBHVEvUFgAiBfhvayrWrR2/s640/_MG_1592.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">standard setup for a game of 6 pin ravioli bowling</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Oh and food. There is that part of things too I guess. Fine. You douchebags**** want recipes? Well, I have a shitload of recipes. To the archive! First up is.... wonton ravioli? Whatever. I drew it out of a hat, more or less. Look, you want me to blog? This is me blogging, so shut up.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I don't really eat a lot of pasta. I also I don't have a smooth follow-up to that statement. This is a good recipe if you feel like making it look like you made something from scratch, but really you hardly did any work.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small; line-height: 22px;"></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Cheese and Herb Wonton Ravioli</strong></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(serves 4-5)</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">About 48 wonton wrappers</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4.5 oz goat cheese</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/2 cup ricotta cheese</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">small handful torn basil leaves</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4 or 5 chopped green onions (just the green ends)</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 egg</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">pepitas for garnish</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Mix together cheeses, egg, basil and green onion for the filling.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9DnrCSTarVqMbSkKDflRv3yAtGismL2Bmj0QooD4X5mU0ZuQo4hjtxv7Xgw0XHbtvcMPhZi2X5jO7W3B15KJB0QpVZqC2dG8DRPqOsBPCjEe7vZ0Sjwji8UGKL6O_snTSRREW8mVNXs1U/s1600/ravioli-assembly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9DnrCSTarVqMbSkKDflRv3yAtGismL2Bmj0QooD4X5mU0ZuQo4hjtxv7Xgw0XHbtvcMPhZi2X5jO7W3B15KJB0QpVZqC2dG8DRPqOsBPCjEe7vZ0Sjwji8UGKL6O_snTSRREW8mVNXs1U/s640/ravioli-assembly.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. To make raviolis, lay a wonton wrapper on a flat surface and brush with water. Scoop 1 tsp of the filling onto the wonton. Place another wonton wrapper on top and seal the sides, and carefully pressing air pockets out. Using a ramekin or glass as a guide, cut the ravioli into circles and seal edges again with fork if desired. Repeat as necessary.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">3. Working in batches, drop the ravioli, one by one, into boiling water. Let them boil until they float, about 2-3 minutes. Remove and drain with a slotted spoon and serve with…</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Roasted Pepper Sauce</strong></div>
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">12oz jar roasted red bell peppers, drained</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2 tbsp sun dried tomatoes</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">splash or two lemon juice or red vinegar</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/2 cup milk (you can substitute almond milk)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">tsp minced garlic</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
salt</div>
</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;"></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">1. In a food processor, puree everything together but the milk. Taste and adjust salt if necessary. Set aside.</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 22px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
2. When you’re ready to serve, warm up the puree in a pan, stir in the milk, shut off heat and serve.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ6Ewsi_q56EkEwDbsesXETP__Zef8rZw8PowzgNuwwsH_sV5HYTOu_puFGABIg1076HcUq5NR4stJzoT8msWAgxjxvStRICK7sfB04KwokoHSx9etCHPZ7LBzir0I1jfeViBclqsc8LSH/s1600/_MG_1680.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ6Ewsi_q56EkEwDbsesXETP__Zef8rZw8PowzgNuwwsH_sV5HYTOu_puFGABIg1076HcUq5NR4stJzoT8msWAgxjxvStRICK7sfB04KwokoHSx9etCHPZ7LBzir0I1jfeViBclqsc8LSH/s400/_MG_1680.jpg" width="368" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</span></span><br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">*not that I would ever stoop to using as cheap a device as time travel as an excuse </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">**actually... it's bullshit work - it pays nothing and eats into my free time. But the job's taken, so BACK OFF.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">***do you realize I can't even say 'cunt' in the publication in question? How am I supposed to express myself?</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">****Thanks, past future self.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-88625618922461867602012-10-22T19:41:00.000-07:002012-10-22T19:51:02.726-07:00Candied Pecans<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08yrwmcL6_Tv48LiKiXNzhkq6mYVz8fazL6Xzr-77iSFDnlFGtjEgGJYP7v77Ihyphenhyphen1re8xlfzJ9_zXB9TJT8Vu24RB-4W59h5WXG3pJiQcI_jED2_oRkQxcELdIybd0vLFuEWa7MWn3dxm/s1600/_MG_2163.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08yrwmcL6_Tv48LiKiXNzhkq6mYVz8fazL6Xzr-77iSFDnlFGtjEgGJYP7v77Ihyphenhyphen1re8xlfzJ9_zXB9TJT8Vu24RB-4W59h5WXG3pJiQcI_jED2_oRkQxcELdIybd0vLFuEWa7MWn3dxm/s640/_MG_2163.jpg" width="552" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; line-height: 15.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; line-height: 15.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">One day pecans just started raining down on my patio.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Free food is falling from the sky!</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">" I thought as I heard that sweet thump and roll, "Jackpot."</span></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Was it some sort of miracle? Or was there a simpler explanation? Garden variety magic, maybe an enchanted patio situation? Either way, let's dial back the expectations. Magic and miracles aren't like they appear on TV*, there's real life baggage that comes with that shit.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><br /></span>
<a name='more'></a><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilzNPzXJHPEHNcZYuATcWxnJmhDapz_MvdfPDGhdZbabTZxXsYb0X7rdJUCPAAOJMp153phk4LqQsFXRZzKCLrII_qOvgPh2VlShKnS4fk9rO8AqYacGa9N9NHW4TuMHB9EMEex8Nj5NUY/s1600/_MG_2249+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilzNPzXJHPEHNcZYuATcWxnJmhDapz_MvdfPDGhdZbabTZxXsYb0X7rdJUCPAAOJMp153phk4LqQsFXRZzKCLrII_qOvgPh2VlShKnS4fk9rO8AqYacGa9N9NHW4TuMHB9EMEex8Nj5NUY/s320/_MG_2249+copy.jpg" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I would trade all of this for a ham</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Look, if I really do have a magic patio - and admitedly, that is a <i>very</i> exciting prospect - how do I make sure I stay ahead of the curve and, if not harness and appropriate its freaky powers, at least learn how to anticipate them? I don't want to get into a situation, like with a monkey paw that grants wishes, where I'm ostensibly benefitting from the object, but the object is really controlling me because I'm not ready to handle the responsibility inherent in fostering the freaky monkey paw powers, or whatever. I don't want to become a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey's_Paw">short story</a> plot device, bro.**</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Second, on the matter of my pecan windfall being a possible miracle - can I exchange the miracle at all? Before you ask, I do not have a receipt. Hopefully, it's like Kohl's and <a href="http://www.kohlscorporation.com/customer_service/returnsexchange/returnsexchanges.html">I can just bring it back</a>.... or? Don't misread me here - love, love, <i>love</i> the free pecans. But if there was an option to trade up to say... I don't know... a Virginia ham, I'd want to know about it. Pecans are great, but I feel like the ham is clearly a better deal (I'm also incredibly hungry for ham right now). Miracle or not, I want the best deal available. I'm looking to not get raped, OK? </span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Update: It was not a miracle. Fair enough. Rape whistle back in storage.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So what gives? Turns out, pecans grow on special trees and these "pecan trees" live everywhere. It's weird. I mean, I knew the pecan tree was the Official National Tree of the Great State of Texas***, but I thought that was just a name. See, I'm from the suburbs, so the idea of plants - particularly indigenous ones, which are quite rare in the suburbs - yielding a food source is pretty foreign to me. I thought food plants grew on farms, in neat rows. Crazy.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6kdtbX-musCdHAugl059MWD2ztZGS5NKsXD1nAM-7Mvhg_wP2CcMHE3KNTBRvYHuFXt5iK0kE87FLqprfBBVgL0CjZ3XUpRo39vWU7Z156TzeJZ_qbVb_ecR5NFb1Llg5fG2JtPupXfRd/s1600/_MG_2255.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6kdtbX-musCdHAugl059MWD2ztZGS5NKsXD1nAM-7Mvhg_wP2CcMHE3KNTBRvYHuFXt5iK0kE87FLqprfBBVgL0CjZ3XUpRo39vWU7Z156TzeJZ_qbVb_ecR5NFb1Llg5fG2JtPupXfRd/s200/_MG_2255.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(l-r) natural pecan, 'roided out freak pecan</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Update: Fuck you nature, I was right. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll never doubt you again, factory farms! </span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These "nature" pecans were shit - tiny, malnourished, brittle. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If this is what East Dallas pecans are like, I guess I won't be trying the neighborhood venison or feral pork. Nuts!</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Speaking of nuts, I bought the ones for this recipe at the store like a normal person. And you don't be a hero either. Pecans start falling on your property, let the squirrels eat that poison. Get your ass inside, where it's safe and there's high speed internet, and make this recipe to take your mind off the fact that you almost foraged like a <strike>common hipster</strike> <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/woman-raised-monkeys-daughter-helps-share-moms-incredible-202800117.html">person raised by monkeys</a>.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Note: The butter is really what makes this. I don't want to ruin anything, but it makes them taste buttery and it's awesome as shit.</i></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Candied Pecans</strong></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Ingredients:</strong></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
</div>
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">2 cups pecan halves<span style="font: 16.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>scant 1/2 cup brown sugar<span style="font: 16.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1/4 cup water<span style="font: 16.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>pat of butter<span style="font: 16.0px 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>tsp cinnamon</span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">1/2 tsp chili powder</span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">1/2 tsp cayenne powder</span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">coarse salt</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Instructions:</strong></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYUHbIqkUA0Nqs_hgwPu1-F4_5mXAJ5CH2iqv86hKmpgyMeWwQOuTeuMh7CsbCqJgQmVIXaELwdKEejje5dTZ2F8zZu28tZ8AO0v1zw3nRyrec6eiKTNfOEQMp_JxTi45ghqZ57GixTs1c/s1600/_MG_2140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="412" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYUHbIqkUA0Nqs_hgwPu1-F4_5mXAJ5CH2iqv86hKmpgyMeWwQOuTeuMh7CsbCqJgQmVIXaELwdKEejje5dTZ2F8zZu28tZ8AO0v1zw3nRyrec6eiKTNfOEQMp_JxTi45ghqZ57GixTs1c/s640/_MG_2140.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(l-r) a photo of some stuff, another photo of different stuff</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Toast the pecan pieces over medium low heat until dark and fragrant, 4-5 minutes. Stir them around every 30 seconds or so. Nuts are delicate (too easy) and they scorch easily, so you want to keep them moving. Let them cool to room temperature and place in a bowl.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Over medium high heat, stir together brown sugar, water, cinnamon, chili powder, cayenne and butter. Stir constantly for 4-5 minutes, until the wake left by stirring leaves wispy threads (just keep stirring, it’s exactly what it sounds like).</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. Pour mixture over toasted pecans. Gently stir until pecans are well coated. Pour out onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment or wax paper (finally, a use for wax paper!) to cool, separating any pieces that are stuck together. Sprinkle with coarse salt.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 22px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Your journey may end at step three. Mine did not. After cooling down for over an hour, my pecans were still quite sticky. Five minutes in a 300 degree oven and another few minutes of cooling down fixed that.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwh_BfSHAINYjC39esebulXQWdUu5OtgioR4rZAmYjmzu7hDNa4zWI3BwzuEHFcRlFieIF7nIwp9eo6tTCb6ja8b6XZIczXLK9vXsdUmHRVrkYWMcZLyD769n7Zzar6PLhmQ1SshN2Ffr2/s1600/_MG_2180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="452" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwh_BfSHAINYjC39esebulXQWdUu5OtgioR4rZAmYjmzu7hDNa4zWI3BwzuEHFcRlFieIF7nIwp9eo6tTCb6ja8b6XZIczXLK9vXsdUmHRVrkYWMcZLyD769n7Zzar6PLhmQ1SshN2Ffr2/s640/_MG_2180.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Photograph of candied pecans with uninventive caption</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">*Unless we're talking <i>Bewitched</i> or <i>I Dream of Jeannie</i>, both of which tackle magic and families in a frank and unflinching, even courageous manor.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">**Especially if that short story is <i>The Lottery</i>. Good news though: stoning villagers to death is generally pooh-poohed, if not outright frowned upon today.</span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">***Which means all other trees, oak, pine, etc., are technically shrubs in Texas. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-20159169325458199912012-10-14T11:51:00.001-07:002012-10-15T07:34:19.264-07:00Pandering to the Times: Sweet Potato Fries<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9FfV3XJ2evhQp22VETvjmKKiHEZIYkmikq84l0FtT2R2Go0QQ_qBZQeEZzromrzWdCurAE3CnT7KGkHUnV-zHjE5Eh6c72Dm-sf0oPaW9j645u5_snQW50L-FbbXFpF86pwQJhsUgkEbI/s1600/_MG_1428.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9FfV3XJ2evhQp22VETvjmKKiHEZIYkmikq84l0FtT2R2Go0QQ_qBZQeEZzromrzWdCurAE3CnT7KGkHUnV-zHjE5Eh6c72Dm-sf0oPaW9j645u5_snQW50L-FbbXFpF86pwQJhsUgkEbI/s640/_MG_1428.jpg" width="594" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">When
and where did the whole sweet potato fries thing come about? I
realize that's a very broad, what-the-fuck-ish sort of query, but it all
happened so fast. One day I started seeing them at pubs here and there. That was
followed in short succession by seeing them everywhere I might
sit down to have a burger. It's like this: I can remember not having a cell
phone (I should hope so, it was 2007) but I can't imagine going
back to that place - nor do I have any idea how I ignored people in
elevators in all the years prior to that. That's the way it'll
be (hopefully) in 10 years or so when we all have bad ass,
affordable jet-packs that are just part of our everyday existence. No
big deal/how did we get by before? Such has become the way of the
sweet potato fry. </span></span>
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Used
to be, it was <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/06/fries.html">regular fries</a> or nothing. Your choice, pal. The times, they have a-changed. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Good.
I was ready for an option. I love fries, OK? They're my everything. Whatever. But I'm so goddamn
sick of them in the worst way. I hate their beautiful golden color. They annoy me with the way they're always leaving salt on my fingers. Etc.</span></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzKLXATRnc5yosdpNPj6lP6LESzxrHU9PqQOif323Uhj59cpT80gUpTinFJYOlUh2rE0Z5-CbHi-n1xMRtoidmcA6lY0cJrHJC7Llz6rNcucm2JR3F2zFHj_7c3oVuYulgD2VPqX9OEKdP/s1600/_MG_9257.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzKLXATRnc5yosdpNPj6lP6LESzxrHU9PqQOif323Uhj59cpT80gUpTinFJYOlUh2rE0Z5-CbHi-n1xMRtoidmcA6lY0cJrHJC7Llz6rNcucm2JR3F2zFHj_7c3oVuYulgD2VPqX9OEKdP/s320/_MG_9257.jpg" width="304" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hate you, bitch. Then again, we've got history...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Fries are America's food spouse, and with the
advent of sweet potato fries, we've entered into a super-hot culinary
open marriage. High five handshakes all around. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">But
the question remains: what's their story? I mean, regular fries have
a bad ass origin story. We know where they came from: George
Washington. Doi. Arriving at Valley Forge in that unforgiving winter of 1777, Washington knew that at any time, the starving troops might start looking at their brothers in arms and imaging them as <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1435&bih=812&tbm=isch&tbnid=QVaGOcdYiN2J6M:&imgrefurl=http://tesla.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/tuner.php%3Fchannel%3D637%26format%3Dmovie%26theme%3Dguide&docid=iDHmwp0h_3YNpM&imgurl=http://tesla.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/images/toonfest/lowrez/wackikiguys211.jpg&w=211&h=156&ei=gvl6UK-RMoa9yAH_0oG4Bw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1016&vpy=193&dur=61&hovh=124&hovw=168&tx=57&ty=41&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=124&tbnw=168&start=0&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0,i:84">plates of steaming food</a>. But Washington wasn't about to let the Revolution turn into a Bugs Bunny cartoon. With no supplies, save for gallons and gallons of vegetable oil, sea salt, a
bunch of industrial deep fryers and a shitload of potatoes, the ever
industrious Washington invented french fries on the spot. A food culture was birthed. The troops staved off cannibalism, won the war, and the rest is delicious, crispy, salty
history. *</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><i>That's</i>
a back story. Love 'em or hate 'em - you love 'em, you fat bastard,
you - we know fries. We get who they are. Fries fought a revolution.
Sweet potato fries barely pre-date the iPhone. Hell, sweet potato
fries don't even remember grunge**. They just showed up
the day the The Strokes became popular and got a seat at
the table.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Fuck
it though. I'm OK with all of that (especially since the story about
the origin of fries was, sadly, fabricated). Like I said, it was time
for an option***. Sweet potato fries just breezed in, sure, but they stuck around because they got eaten - quite a few by this guy (points at self). </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"> It's pretty democratic, really. </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">We've gone from
the oligarchy of fries to today's two party system of fries and sweet potato fries. Perhaps sometime soon
we'll have a third party choice, preferably one that's on the <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/4123">zany</a>
side. Get weird with it. But until then...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">For the home cook, know this: these
motherfuckers are challenging. Sweet potatoes
don't really like to fry (all that sugar burns easily), so you bake
them. They don't really want to get crispy when they're baked, so
they need a performance enhancer, a bit of a culinary tit-job. In
this case, it's an egg white wash. The wash does the same for sweet
potato fries as it would for a pie crust or bread- adds sheen and
texture (and color if you use the yolks, which you don't in this
recipe). If
you read around, there's another popular method for helping crisp
sweet potato fries - tossing the cut up sweet potatoes in a starch. I've done it this way, with
mixed results. The egg wash method is more reliable, I think.</span></span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRCP2XChBi08iykBNx9TWloP2lBgKnGzGQMmf-_dpejquG3bpTioa9kh79dxRrvpN6j4SarjbXuIiqvwk9MzMX0mBqFvX1PbBPxXbLMwmV0Amikh_PwyrAV9ofcvsCGsFQDPrcOs882p9b/s1600/steps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRCP2XChBi08iykBNx9TWloP2lBgKnGzGQMmf-_dpejquG3bpTioa9kh79dxRrvpN6j4SarjbXuIiqvwk9MzMX0mBqFvX1PbBPxXbLMwmV0Amikh_PwyrAV9ofcvsCGsFQDPrcOs882p9b/s640/steps.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't worry, it all gets explained below. I just needed a photo here to make you keep reading.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Either
way you do it, a couple of things are important to keep these puppies
from burning. First, you have to keep an eye on them near the end of
cooking- you're bound to lose a few, but you want to minimize the
overhead. These will go from nearly
done to burnt to a crisp in the time it takes to pee,
start texting with someone, a little twitter... OH SHIT SOMETHING IS
BURNING. Watch them. With your face. They're so much better not
ruined. Second, cut your fries as uniformly as possible. A mandolin
slicer is good if you've got one. I have one, but the blade is weak enough that it's hard to push sweet potatoes through it without
sort of lunging at them, while still sharp enough (which I know from
losing a few battles with it) that if I were to lunge too hard and
tangle with the thing, it would slice my goddamn torso off. So I use
a knife. If the fries aren't all about the same size, the smaller
ones will burn. That's not a threat, it's a promise, so be careful.
Lastly, don't cut them too thin. They lose lots of moisture while
cooking, so there is significant shrinkage. I wish I could offer a
great rule of thumb and maybe a graph showing fry starting size
compared to finished size- it would really add a much needed air of
legitimacy to this whole thing - but no dice. That's what you get for
reading this smut, which I'm sure you're "only reading for
the recipes". Pervert. </span></span>
<br />
<br />
<b>Sweet Potato Fries</b><br />
(three servings)<br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
<br />
2 sweet potatoes<br />
2 egg whites<br />
salt and chili powder (or whatever you like) to taste<br />
cold water<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b><br />
<br />
1. Buy sweet potatoes that are relatively straight and roughly the
same length. Scrubs and peel sweet potatoes. Lop off the ends and curved
portion of the sides, so that you end up with something like a sweet
potato brick. Slice longwise and then into 1/2" sticks. <br />
<br />
2. Soak sweet potato sticks in cold water for 30 minutes to an hour
to draw out some of the starch (helps keep them from getting mushy).<br />
<br />
3. Beat the egg whites until frothy, then whisk in the salt and chili powder.<br />
<br />
<br />
4. Arrange sweet potato sticks on cookie sheets lined with parchment
paper. Pretend you're a chaperone at a middle school dance and DO NOT
LET THEM TOUCH or they will steam (not bueno, kids). Brush the top side
with egg wash and bake 15 minutes at 425. After 15 minutes, remove,
flip, brush the other side with egg wash and place back in the oven for
another 15-20 minutes, checking after 15. You're looking for browning along most of the edges. Let them cool a few minutes, then what you do with them is your business.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9anLrvWhXDKkQcfddxaovmQt9-nbXnCZiOyU7rP3qa5EE2PKCg9viJ6_TIxdffkHKoUnAaTlF94xaZ3ZVW_Y9Muomc5KkD7NMwnznjDIz8WarHFsLmKcBuI80n4gjCwIkMmhKslDomdon/s1600/_MG_1393.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="588" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9anLrvWhXDKkQcfddxaovmQt9-nbXnCZiOyU7rP3qa5EE2PKCg9viJ6_TIxdffkHKoUnAaTlF94xaZ3ZVW_Y9Muomc5KkD7NMwnznjDIz8WarHFsLmKcBuI80n4gjCwIkMmhKslDomdon/s640/_MG_1393.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">The name, <i>french</i> fries, if you're curious, was an inside joke. So inside,
in fact, that it existed only inside George Washington's head.
Although scholars largely largely agree that the meaning was ironic; Washington's sense of
irony was said to be as keen as his sense of smell, which was said to
be above the national average.</span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">**Suck on that Generation X. Especially you, Janeane Garafalo. I don't know why, but you particularly annoy me.</span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">***Now,
if you were to ask which one I would pick - fries or sweet
potato fries - if I HAD to pick one at the expense of the other... I
would scold you for asking such a cliched, irrelevent question. And
then if you were like "but seriously, if you HAD to pick one..." I
would hike my shirt up and make farting sounds with my armpit until
the subject was changed. It's a really dumb question.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-59876847752356625272012-10-14T09:38:00.001-07:002013-01-24T19:10:07.769-08:00Chicken Chili Verde<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVOSxf9cyEmVEXLYCpfuVQr2iB3om1IWGCK5JiLV4iOokFA2JRSUIEe2iip6OTRVQhea0xXC2UZ-56sAfFqL-Scn-1uYQgFPpkMAZCxhyphenhyphenm7IcUsnA33a8D-l4exBPGqF1MeyvsLGvbZaeV/s1600/_MG_0007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVOSxf9cyEmVEXLYCpfuVQr2iB3om1IWGCK5JiLV4iOokFA2JRSUIEe2iip6OTRVQhea0xXC2UZ-56sAfFqL-Scn-1uYQgFPpkMAZCxhyphenhyphenm7IcUsnA33a8D-l4exBPGqF1MeyvsLGvbZaeV/s640/_MG_0007.jpg" width="594" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Chili
verde</i>. I don't know where they came up with that name. I don't even
know who “they” are, but I would like a crack at their job –
food namer sounds like an easy job. I could do that shit from home. Goodbye pants, hello financial security!</span></span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Anyway.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Chili verde, eh? Verde means green in Spanish (its English translation is
"Spanish for the color green") and you do use green salsa,
so that checks out. But chili? C'mon guy. I wasn't born yesterday*.
That's not chili (<a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/not-not-chili.html">we've been over this</a>). Now, maybe if chili meant
<i>stew</i> in Spanish (<a href="http://translate.google.com/#es/es/chili">it doesn't</a>), you'd have a point. Here's what I'm getting at: not to fuck with your mind or anything, but chili verde is actually stew (gasp). In fact, if it gets any thinner, you've crossed the border into soup country and you'd better hope you're carrying a valid form of ID, because the soup TSA doesn't fuck around.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdEgXDmbr4pi9DdRGMwQa4H_aNGS7eMfmMsPov9ujIzcFz7VZm-F7uQivR-CUvK-10FD13yMdcmRh6bc4SsgWKzcpnJj4kWmmqdpYUJRonmkq_5xfF0n54ZXvkk3A2jvvaJkRmpQgFzlR0/s1600/lucky13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdEgXDmbr4pi9DdRGMwQa4H_aNGS7eMfmMsPov9ujIzcFz7VZm-F7uQivR-CUvK-10FD13yMdcmRh6bc4SsgWKzcpnJj4kWmmqdpYUJRonmkq_5xfF0n54ZXvkk3A2jvvaJkRmpQgFzlR0/s1600/lucky13.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Neil Young being weird. What? I ran outta food pics.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">So
let's see... I covered the name thing. And that's all I've got, more
or less, when it comes to chili verde. Frankly, I haven't
known about it for very long. Like a robot finally becoming self-aware, one day I just woke up and it was like
"Ok, chili verde is a thing. Noted." No idea when that was,
but I suspect if you had mentioned chili verde to me before 2003, I
would have just pretended I didn't speak Spanish and crossed the border into the US away.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Despite its off-putting name and possible lack of existence prior to 2003, chili verde has a lot going for it. Namely, it tastes good. This particular recipe would be a great meal to have catered to a hostage situation - it's warm and comforting, there's not a lot to clean up. Plus, the name is
a good conversation starter. Do remember though, there's probably not many
bowls and spoons inside the hostage place (unless it's at
Applebee's instead of a bank vault), so make sure the caterers bring plenty. Nobody's gonna
want to eat that shit with their hands. But don't take my word
for it. Listen to what these fake hostages had to say:</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Who
knew being held hostage would be so delicious!!</span></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">-Ann</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">I was duct taped to a filing cabinet and beaten, so I didn't get to try any. But the smell was out of this world! Great
recipe!</span></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">-Fred</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Fuck
your so-called chili, man. I was shot in the kneecaps! I don't have insurance!
It's more like stew anyway. AND I got the feeling most of the
ingredients came out of a can!**</span></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">-Terry aka T-Nutzz</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">There
you have it. That's two yeses and one whiny, uninsured person with a strange alias.
Success! This is a chicken version of chili verde; I believe pork is
the standard. Then again, as discussed, my knowledge of even the
existence of chili verde dates back only several years, so I don't
really know much about it.***</span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Chicken
Chili Verde</b><br />(serves 3-4)</span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
1/2 a chicken<br />
2 cans chicken
broth <br />
2 cans tomatillo salsa (or 2 cups home made, if you're gonna be like that)<br />
1 can
cannellini or other white beans, drained<br />
1/3 cup each chopped
onion and chopped peppers<br />
1 tbsp cumin<br />
1/2 tbsp chili
powder<br />
pinch cinnamon<br />
greek yogurt or sour cream, chopped
cilantro and lime wedges for garnish<br />
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b><br />
1. In a pot, bring all
ingredients, except the beans, garnish and cinnamon, to a boil.<br />
2.
Partially cover and simmer over low heat until the chicken is pulling
away from the bones with basically no effort, about an hour and a
half.<br />
3. Pull the chicken out and set aside until cool enough to
handle.<br />
4. Shred the chicken and add it, along with the beans and
pinch of cinnamon back to the pot. Serve when thoroughly heated,
garnish and serve with tortilla chips.<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_PF5wlRDyauh4MWP-veyy0qaaa54pFiX2pcRuQQfKkKl2ulV8TikmzIFHIO1GCvBlmQh8-rRgkVpnGRYcSH0ubXkM3QhsEiH3Hz4LHWG90ifA24o9sc6Jn2i6kiJV3bLNen8xA4zUgJ1F/s1600/_MG_9999.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_PF5wlRDyauh4MWP-veyy0qaaa54pFiX2pcRuQQfKkKl2ulV8TikmzIFHIO1GCvBlmQh8-rRgkVpnGRYcSH0ubXkM3QhsEiH3Hz4LHWG90ifA24o9sc6Jn2i6kiJV3bLNen8xA4zUgJ1F/s400/_MG_9999.jpg" width="332" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For best results, enjoy with beer and chips, atop a weathered, wooden surface.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">* But if I was, that would make me one day old and you'd be much more
impressed by this blog. If I said something stupid, you'd
probably just shrug it off - give the guy a break, he's only one day
old.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">** The fake hostage is right: many of the ingredients are from cans. Big
fucking deal. If someone sasses you about reasonable canned stuff usage (hint: beans from a can=reasonable ;
canned hamburger=not reasonable), a funny thing would
be to look at them all serious and then go "what the FUCK did
you just say to me?" There's no way they're expecting that. Unless you say that a lot, in which case, try surprising them by not
being a dick for a change.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">***Unlike
the ham sandwich, whose memoirs I was the ghostwriter of.</span></span></div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-2233044213735952992012-09-17T10:00:00.000-07:002012-09-17T10:00:46.606-07:00Pickled Onions<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4TE0pvC2ggtHYSz8OcXfrA94Fms-wIKAHWqJgQMMbGgG01PEVVV1TW1MQxj5b2L6J0KfQg0k9RMEAAIujJqxN13tx2buyOT6-huydC2FZo9Oa3oo8F4WF-s5hwmLr1ILAUt66mJJ8BV-H/s1600/_MG_0156.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="326" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4TE0pvC2ggtHYSz8OcXfrA94Fms-wIKAHWqJgQMMbGgG01PEVVV1TW1MQxj5b2L6J0KfQg0k9RMEAAIujJqxN13tx2buyOT6-huydC2FZo9Oa3oo8F4WF-s5hwmLr1ILAUt66mJJ8BV-H/s400/_MG_0156.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Pickles are disgusting, yo.<br />
<br />
Sorry, I've been watching a lot of <i>Breaking Bad</i>. Normally, I wouldn't casually end a sentence with "yo"*.<br />
<br />
I don't like pickles. They're gross. Icky. Weird. I can't imagine how they even got invented other than the obvious explanation: some asshole food scientist** invented them as a sick, sick joke and they caught on immediately somehow. My sources inside the internet suggest, however, that <a href="http://articles.cnn.com/2009-08-07/living/mf.funny.pickle.history_1_pickles-kool-aid-fairs?_s=PM:LIVING">pickles have been around since at least 2400 BC</a>***. Whatever. (shaking fist) You win this round, facts!<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
Now, according to wikipedia, in England pickled onions -- not cucumbers -- are the food most commonly referred to as "pickles". So, if you're English, you may have been confused up to this point, because I was referring specifically to the grossness of pickled cucumbers****. Which... look, if you can't even read a recipe without getting confused... I'm just saying, it explains a lot... like why we kicked your ass in the Revolutionary War, yo. <br />
<br />
But in this case, despite more than a century on the ass-end of hegemony, England got one right- and without having to be steered in the right direction by America. Yay! <i>Who's a big <strike>boy or girl </strike>world power??</i><br />
<br />
These pickled onions are great on tacos, burritos, sandwiches, salads or as a courtroom prop if you're on trial and trying to work up an insanity defense. What's crazier than somebody in a tattered bathrobe (you'll be wearing a tattered bathrobe btw), clinging to a jar of pickled onions? Check mate.<br />
<br />
<b>Pickled Onions</b><br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
1 medium red onion, sliced into thin rings (use a mandolin slicer if you've got one, but be careful not to slice off any part of your body or face)<br />
1 cup red wine vinegar<br />
2 tbsp sugar<br />
tsp crushed corriander seeds<br />
1 or 2 cloves<br />
bay leaf<br />
<b><br />Instructions: </b><br />
1. In a sauce pan, bring all ingredients to a boil. <br />
2. After a minute, cap the pan, and remove from heat. <br />
3. Allow onions and pickling liquid to come to room temperature, then transfer to an airtight container in the fridge. As they continue to cool, their color will turn a bright pinkish red. These stay good in the fridge for at least 2 weeks.<br />
<br />
*Unless someone is being a yo-yo and I have to straighten them out (ex: "Stop being a yo-yo").<br />
**Yeah, most scientists are assholes. Don't believe me? Watch<i> Breaking Bad</i>. It's a show about an asshole scientist who -- if I were a writer on the show -- would have a pet monkey.<br />
***Not the crappy comic strip <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B.C._%28comic_strip%29">BC</a>, we're talking actual BC olden times. But speaking of crappy comic strips, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funky_Winkerbean">Funky Winkerbean</a> is crap. It's too serious. <b>Serious comic strips should be drawn to look serious</b>, like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apartment_3-G">Apt 3-G</a> or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judge_Parker">Judge Parker.</a> Everybody knows this. You're bumming us out, Funky Winkerbean.<br />
****Which the English refer to as "pizza"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-44647201614089326612012-09-03T20:56:00.002-07:002012-09-04T17:27:32.041-07:00Labor Day part III<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVkinNR7iPEdnahaslc2PnpyauzXxOkyHBtZGy-eWRbjmv31EiN1umMMuuVBTaGIoiJWIVJYKLCHpIvB0yDk36pxE9mCHBpysrdVPGTh7Fffe02Pj4QvbMv6z32Dh1_sT6ErWB-hf8tc66/s1600/_MG_0352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVkinNR7iPEdnahaslc2PnpyauzXxOkyHBtZGy-eWRbjmv31EiN1umMMuuVBTaGIoiJWIVJYKLCHpIvB0yDk36pxE9mCHBpysrdVPGTh7Fffe02Pj4QvbMv6z32Dh1_sT6ErWB-hf8tc66/s640/_MG_0352.jpg" width="570" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Now, by this time you're probably exhausted, ready to take a nap after all that hummus and bacon. Not so fast! <b>Labor Day isn't over yet, you little bitch</b>.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Labor Day isn't over until something gets cooked over a flame (called "grilling" colloquially). I don't care that you're now coming to the sobering realization that you have to work tomorrow and you'd rather watch half a season of<i></i> <i>Wings</i> than light the grill. Not my problem*. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Do not skip the all-important grilling portion of your Labor Day activities. If you do, Labor Day will not be over and you will risk pissing off the ghosts of famous statesmen past and having them haunt you. Sure, you might draw ghost George Washington, whose approach to haunting is more benevolent and advice-based than, say, ghost <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://hd.housedivided.dickinson.edu/files/images/HD_clayH.jpg&imgrefurl=http://hd.housedivided.dickinson.edu/node/12260&h=572&w=485&sz=60&tbnid=WJBDiOsgSbG4iM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=76&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhenry%2Bclay%2Bphoto%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=henry+clay+photo&usg=__cYFoUuslQFd0wenXhTaatBTROyo=&hl=en&sa=X&ei=jHBFUNu9DpT7rAHWroGADg&ved=0CDYQ9QEwBw&dur=23">Henry Clay</a>, who might hit you with a whiskey bottle, or ghost (and possibly undead) <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=andrew+jackson+photograph&start=24&num=10&um=1&hl=en&biw=1163&bih=614&addh=36&tbm=isch&tbnid=aIjv61dRV-yG3M:&imgrefurl=http://home.manhattan.edu/arts/gallery/picture.php%3Fcat%3D17%26image_id%3D4793&imgurl=http://home.manhattan.edu/arts/gallery/galleries/Photographs/PHOTO-15-19c/PHOTO-15-19c-ADAMS-Dan-Daguerreotype_AndrewJackson-1845.JPG&w=805&h=900&ei=JHBFUO34JcPOqgHhg4CYBg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=453&vpy=126&dur=1278&hovh=237&hovw=212&tx=94&ty=165&sig=102624894823004583725&page=2&tbnh=131&tbnw=125&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:24,i:12">Andrew Jackson</a>, a belligerent sociopath if ever there was one.**</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
This year, I'm grilling salmon burgers, not just for deliciousness and richness of omega-3 fat booty acids, but also because I didn't have the time, space, suckling pig or apple needed to do a spit-grilled suckling pig with an apple in its mouth. Maybe next year.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<b>Salmon Burgers</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
(makes 2)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
6 oz salmon filet, cut into chunks</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1/4 cup flour</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1/4 cup crushed saltines</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1/4 cup chopped onion</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1 egg</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1 tsp capers</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1 tsp dill</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
salt and pepper</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<b>Instructions:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
1. Combine all ingredients in a food processor and pulse a few times, until well incorporated.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
2. Form into 2 patties and place in the freezer for 10-15 minutes. This helps them hold together better.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
3. Grill over high heat until cooked through, about 6 minutes total. Serve on a toasted bun with other stuff on it. I used some of the hummus from Labor Day part II, but don't do that, as it's kinda overwhelming. Avocado would be good...</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Note: I hope you have enjoyed this peek into the mysteries of Labor Day. You might be wondering why I waited until Labor Day to post all of this shit about Labor Day. I don't have a good answer for that, but I recognize that you may be wondering it.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*Actually, it's totally my problem. F.<br />
** Seriously, good luck with the ghost of anyone ever involved in a duel.</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-60387764831076181892012-09-03T20:56:00.001-07:002012-09-04T14:48:12.084-07:00Labor Day part II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5VI3fewFXWFNUfYQIty-N-dx9qcmsnWrj9mNwElYqjMhzLy3GsCI_WRdpyGjeskDNZdd7oVGfUNbVdyZ5IKd2tNTZ7CnatknLrhZEpQ_6GZMjkLTLvaPqqaGGwNhcsdVZAoM5bjLYHhI/s1600/_MG_0320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5VI3fewFXWFNUfYQIty-N-dx9qcmsnWrj9mNwElYqjMhzLy3GsCI_WRdpyGjeskDNZdd7oVGfUNbVdyZ5IKd2tNTZ7CnatknLrhZEpQ_6GZMjkLTLvaPqqaGGwNhcsdVZAoM5bjLYHhI/s640/_MG_0320.jpg" width="608" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
When you wake up on Labor Day (if you can even sleep the night before) you'll want to get right up and have a nutritious meal before you look in your Labor Day stocking and see what Lenny the Labor Day Union Rep brought you this year. Don't get excited, it's probably just paper work. Possibly a summons. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9snDCQNkfBrnEYw5xuj3VR_Y6f120yF7zQikYuXfXDuzaTDhMsZTk2xguQTNJfYDv6iQmQZEjErLBsIvleC97_H6IXWXrkflncRwnIU3cyFEZR08T-oSrDYjbSmBEg3Hi_HB1dzOgxw9R/s1600/muffinmerge" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9snDCQNkfBrnEYw5xuj3VR_Y6f120yF7zQikYuXfXDuzaTDhMsZTk2xguQTNJfYDv6iQmQZEjErLBsIvleC97_H6IXWXrkflncRwnIU3cyFEZR08T-oSrDYjbSmBEg3Hi_HB1dzOgxw9R/s200/muffinmerge" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">meh. I mean I ate them. Still, meh.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This year, I made some nutritious olive oil and oat muffins that I derived from two muffin recipes by Mark "Muff Diggity*" Bittman. The only problem is that they kind of sucked, which I certainly don't blame on Mark "Mark in quotation marks**" Bittman, so please don't sue me, thanks! They tasted about like you would expect healthy oat and olive oil muffins to taste: edible. Which is the culinary equivalent of telling a girl you don't want to "do" that she has a nice personality.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br />
Instead, I'm gonna recommend that you have eggs, toast and 10-15 pieces of <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/cooked-bacon.html">bacon</a> for Labor Day Breakfast, which is what I should have done in the first place. A quick note about bacon: bacon splatters and is one of the few food products that doesn't taste better when cooked shirtless, so don't be a hero.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Let's move on to an LDW appetizer: Labor Day Butter Bean Hummus (motto: just like hummus, but with different ingerdients)! We all know the story behind why butter bean hummus is <i>always</i> served at Labor Day Feasts, so I won't bore you with the details. Enjoy!</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Note: this can also be used as a spread for a twist on a traditional Arbor Day sandwich.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Butter Bean Hummus</b></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvH5xN6BvHsR8Mdyo31elB4ecow7DWsrNn3M9-awno3_wuXTr6AxvEqgTBiBuYfH_4lsYJC13zsZIcxgv44CUfCP_P0CYStzkXty2z3nR0l6MDM3lqUsdDeIdLsmKgErOMe3b5HgVHT1Sr/s1600/_MG_0329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvH5xN6BvHsR8Mdyo31elB4ecow7DWsrNn3M9-awno3_wuXTr6AxvEqgTBiBuYfH_4lsYJC13zsZIcxgv44CUfCP_P0CYStzkXty2z3nR0l6MDM3lqUsdDeIdLsmKgErOMe3b5HgVHT1Sr/s320/_MG_0329.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slightly shittier hummus pic</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 can butter beans, drained</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1/4 to 1/3 cup olive oil, depending on the consistency you like***</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
small handful chopped parsley leaves</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2 garlic cloves</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
big tbsp <a href="http://www.dallasspicemarket.com/store/productview.asp?prodID=92">tandoori masala powder</a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 tsp cumin</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
juice of 1/4 of a large lemon (or more)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
salt to taste</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
tahini paste (optional)****</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1. Blend. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2. What? Fine. Put ingredients in a food processor and blend until blended, then eat it using pita chips as a dipping vessel and your hand(s) as a shovel to shovel it into your face hole.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*No one actually calls him that.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**No one actually calls him that, but they should.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*** I did mine closer to the consistency of a bean dip, with less oil than a silky hummus.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**** I don't really know how much tahini to use -- I didn't have any and the imaginary variety leaves something to be desired -- but if I had to guess, and I'm not very good at this, I'd guess about a quart. Or maybe a hectare. Whichever is more.</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-32003484438535621182012-09-03T20:56:00.000-07:002012-09-04T17:11:33.131-07:00Labor Day part I<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvQiU0xI2zNhlohasOdk-D2-JYEkstZccwCX6Z9eR1twfHzrg_S_ofB8uAh2OUmzJW3wzsVmzOk7HhuR4_M2cnaV-S7UKkk76T4BzPfPjUhO6PEmFGdZv-rDbMCR8JFPmy3Q4vOWZSIXjr/s1600/_MG_0295.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvQiU0xI2zNhlohasOdk-D2-JYEkstZccwCX6Z9eR1twfHzrg_S_ofB8uAh2OUmzJW3wzsVmzOk7HhuR4_M2cnaV-S7UKkk76T4BzPfPjUhO6PEmFGdZv-rDbMCR8JFPmy3Q4vOWZSIXjr/s640/_MG_0295.jpg" width="558" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Just as Christmas is the Thanksgiving of Jesus holidays and Thanksgiving is the Hanukkah of secular holidays*, Labor Day is undoubtedly the Chinese New Year of vague American (Mon)days off of work. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Labor Day -- Labour Day, as they call it in England (where it doesn't exist and where they call England "Bri (pause) An")** -- comes from somewhat murky origins. No one is really sure when Labor Day started or why, but, interestingly, cultural anthropologists*** suspect that the origins lie in both traditional monotheism ("thank a single, all knowing god I don't have to work today!") and paganistic ritual ("I'd do anything to not have to work today, including donning goat leggings and sacrificing something/someone!"). Yowzah! Who knew well researched facts could be so interesting?</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
So what does all of this mean to the modern human on Labor Day Weekend? </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Hahaha. What a stupid question. Traditionally, one starts by getting drunk on Friday, possibly with one's colleagues. Quite drunk (again traditional), as if to say to the world "Fuck you, I earned this!... (something indecipherable)...Oh yeah buddy?!? Where's my phone? (sob)" Hopefully your cab driver sees it that way too, especially if the ceremonial vomiting occurs. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Then you have Saturday, a day for reflection and shame spiraling, followed immediately by Sunday, Labor Day's Eve. This is when you realize that you don't have to work tomorrow and the real reason for the season sets in: You don't have to work tomorrow.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
For a Traditional Labor Day's Eve Dinner, prepare Fish and Chips. In this recipe, I've used tilapia instead of cod or halibut or whatever. Tilapia is super cheap and that's what I had in my freezer. Instead of tartar sauce, I used a (not pictured) horseradish must-ayo-chup that I used on a burger the night before. Also, I only took like 5 pics of the fish and chips and most of 'em were out of focus, so you get what you get (filler).</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxrhB-X30NfKrP4Dg225BSoPycOmPj4XeYb8JAHhSUblSm-Z8NAAbb91XrpBsIvPgGGStbORdcFbx8j4JO-eHBtNbrhsrzUgI-_gnwE73Ue8cygd3eGowV6XK1DUR1Pm_gGq4j85Y8EkD3/s1600/_MG_0290.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxrhB-X30NfKrP4Dg225BSoPycOmPj4XeYb8JAHhSUblSm-Z8NAAbb91XrpBsIvPgGGStbORdcFbx8j4JO-eHBtNbrhsrzUgI-_gnwE73Ue8cygd3eGowV6XK1DUR1Pm_gGq4j85Y8EkD3/s320/_MG_0290.jpg" width="302" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">where's the be...erm...fish??</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Fish and Chips:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(serves 2ish)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2 Tilapia filets, split in half</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 cup flour plus several tbsp for dredging</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 cup beer</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
4-5 yukon gold potatoes****</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
salt</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 qt oil</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
parsley and lemon wedges for garnish</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1. Cut the potatoes into wedges, shorter and fatter than regular fries -- more like steak fries. Fry according to <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/06/fries.html">these directions</a>.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2. Whisk together 1 cup flour and beer. Dredge split tilapia filets in a couple tbsp of flour. Dunk them into beer batter and fry at 350 until golden, about 4-6 minutes. Drain and salt. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*Interestingly, Ramadan and Rosh Hashanah are the respective Halloweens of Islam and Judaism. That's actually how the whole Palestine conflict came about -- when to celebrate Halloween. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**That English language is some zany shit! Although not as zany as Japanese, which just sounds like hilarious non sense. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***Goddamn, that's a long word.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
****You don't have to use Yukon golds. I like them for their nice color (and taste). Use anything but a waxy potato.</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-40995864755213646022012-08-30T13:48:00.001-07:002012-09-07T19:34:53.817-07:00Croissants ala Cobb<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrM39eN9lA82wI5JN9zTEbcWN7seZnyvwtHkiZCiTVTBomWqpAbNk_0U4Ncuzda7Ew5n4zGTX6f81zfJ57MXTySeOhyphenhyphengCk3hWg7ri4xOYUT4KJaBnm-FgQ_s2XXzYm8EFAnJHyr3UYlrT/s1600/_MG_9699.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrM39eN9lA82wI5JN9zTEbcWN7seZnyvwtHkiZCiTVTBomWqpAbNk_0U4Ncuzda7Ew5n4zGTX6f81zfJ57MXTySeOhyphenhyphengCk3hWg7ri4xOYUT4KJaBnm-FgQ_s2XXzYm8EFAnJHyr3UYlrT/s640/_MG_9699.jpg" width="606" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Famed ball player and <a href="http://wso.williams.edu/%7Ejkossuth/cobb/race.htm">easily enraged bigot</a> Ty Cobb said memorably of our National Pastime: </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: inherit;">
<a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/quotes/quocobb.shtml"><span style="font-size: small;">Baseball is a red-blooded sport for red-blooded men. It's no pink tea, and mollycoddles had better stay out. It's a struggle for supremacy, a survival of the fittest.</span></a></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br />That quote has absolutely nothing to do with making croissants, but the idea of a man of such <a href="http://hoffstrizz.typepad.com/.a/6a0128773aba66970c0133ee4d5150970b-pi">notoriously foul temperament</a> as Cobb using a word like "mollycoddles" with a straight face is hilarious to me, and you'll need to have a sense of humor to make this recipe, because, like Cobb, it's a ferocious pain in the ass. </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br />Oh, and I hope you have some fancy pants, maybe something in a <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=prince+fielder+zubaz&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1163&bih=614&tbm=isch&tbnid=w08bHgG1d6yvSM:&imgrefurl=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joshua-braff/baseball-season_b_1446574.html&imgurl=http://p.twimg.com/Apu85N8CQAABBaI.jpg&w=439&h=630&ei=dc9GUNrCNYbxqQGaoIDQBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=470&vpy=106&dur=383&hovh=269&hovw=187&tx=128&ty=173&sig=102624894823004583725&page=1&tbnh=123&tbnw=86&start=0&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:84">Zubaz</a> or a <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1430&bih=565&tbm=isch&tbnid=l3FQvlyGgwIZSM:&imgrefurl=http://vintagegent.com/category/cavaricci/&imgurl=http://vintagegent.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/untitled-2.gif&w=432&h=537&ei=fIs-UPTxO4SLrAHNxoD4Dw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=103&vpy=170&dur=982&hovh=250&hovw=201&tx=94&ty=95&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=159&tbnw=126&start=0&ndsp=16&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:142">Z Cavaricci</a>, because this is a fancy pants kind of recipe. <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?start=367&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1430&bih=565&addh=36&tbm=isch&tbnid=jxb8VGTYrhC4iM:&imgrefurl=http://niketalk.com/t/332965/air-force-180-high-no-pump-retro-with-official-pics/60&imgurl=http://niketalk.com/content/type/61/id/46804/width/350/height/700/flags/LL&w=350&h=424&ei=o4s-UInTG8npqAH23YGADA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=107&vpy=98&dur=346&hovh=247&hovw=204&tx=105&ty=127&sig=100041353326228658032&page=18&tbnh=157&tbnw=137&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:367,i:283">Word</a>. When making croiss…<br /><br /><i>you: (irritated) ahem<br /><br />me: What? What the hell do you think you're doing? I'm trying to write a recipe here, dick. This isn't an absurdist blog.<br /><br />you: I'm bored. Let's play some Sega Genesis.<br /><br />me: Sega Ge… what the fuck is wrong with you?<br /><br />you: Me? What's wrong with you, chief? Let's throw on some Color Me Badd! I taped some songs off the radio. There's DJ chatter over the beginning, but...<br /><br />me: It's 2012, not 1991. Asshole.<br /><br />you: You're saying one thing, these sweet Zubaz pants are saying another…<br /><br />me: Can you just sit quietly and wait from the Dream Team to exist? <br /><br />you: Dream?... Team?<br /><br />me: Nevermind. I think New Jack City is playing at the dollar theater, how about you…. Aaaaand you're gone. Perfect.</i></span><br />
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Wow, having a made up conversation with a not real version you is exhausting work.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Making croissants kind of is too, as I alluded to before you rudely fake interrupted me. There's a lot of waiting, which is something you usually say to make a long recipe sound easy. Unfortunately, there's tricky shit involved in between the waiting periods. I know, bullshit, right? People that make these things for a living must either have an autism-like focus or be addicted to xanax. I've made these croissants several times, and I'm still certain I'm going to fuck them up every time. I don't -- they turn out beautifully --but the emotional stress takes its toll. I used to be 23. I've aged like 9 years since then.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Anyway, that was a really weird intro to a difficult recipe. Here's an awkward transition, and cue difficult recipe:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho24tt1kT78qkbk9Q71W-hqYgCgF2INPGKH3ApqcB_2LCxtAIyFnrS_P09ADly2tz2-aw7g1Rquly697NOaw4m2F4QrrTVUrn9naB3iUJ_Bq0ZSpbztlJn6Q2Bjq-S1w3lk77_B3hfQ6Ri/s1600/_MG_9707.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho24tt1kT78qkbk9Q71W-hqYgCgF2INPGKH3ApqcB_2LCxtAIyFnrS_P09ADly2tz2-aw7g1Rquly697NOaw4m2F4QrrTVUrn9naB3iUJ_Bq0ZSpbztlJn6Q2Bjq-S1w3lk77_B3hfQ6Ri/s320/_MG_9707.jpg" width="316" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Croissants</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">(makes 8)</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2.5 cups plus 2 tbsp flour</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1/2 packet active dry yeast</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2 tbsp sugar</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">3/4 cup warmed milk</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2 sticks plus 2 tbsp butter</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">egg wash (1 egg white beaten with 1 tsp cold water)</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Intro:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Hello, and thanks for reading this intro to croissant making.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Concept:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Croissants are a yeast pastry comprised of layers and layers of buttery, flaky... you know what a croissant is like. You get the layers by enveloping a flat square of butter in a yeast dough, then folding it over itself multiple times. The steam created from the water in the butter gives them their airiness. Butter is very difficult to manipulate** unless it's at the proper temperature, and it changes temperature quickly, which is why this recipe takes so fucking long -- you have to keep chilling the butter***, or else it acts like a shifty teenager crossed with a toddler who has decided to just go limp rather than continue on any further.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Dough:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Mix the 2 cups of flour, yeast, sugar and milk and 2 tbsp butter into a shaggy dough ball. Knead the dough for a few minutes, until it's smooth and elastic. Let it rise until it's more than doubled in size. Several hours or overnight in the fridge.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2cWFJle6CScNvfa0urqW4Uo6pY7hOwiw0HrT7tdYlgpxzNPeW72jNK9x6UgnG7qL0gat9xTFGhJllqODiEjIDLFEt4F7wBE05cr1Z7QVwABQ3bY3tszooo55lI5tAfBwdDC3yO17jZO50/s1600/dough.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2cWFJle6CScNvfa0urqW4Uo6pY7hOwiw0HrT7tdYlgpxzNPeW72jNK9x6UgnG7qL0gat9xTFGhJllqODiEjIDLFEt4F7wBE05cr1Z7QVwABQ3bY3tszooo55lI5tAfBwdDC3yO17jZO50/s640/dough.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
</div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Butter Square:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I've experimented with doing the butter square a few different ways. The most effective, I think, is cutting the butter in half, lentghwise, dusting top and bottom with the 2 extra tbsp of flour. Then, with a rolling pin, you whack/roll the sticks until you've got about a 10"x10" square and the pieces are fused together. Then stick it in the freezer.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbB7GyFizBGyZRwgo83GmEQDl41qCK2LNxvBN6aNV0e4srBLbulhqVk989FTWw9EF3E40F9VGkHv9p2RjbRXXla2iCtjk8lvbnT6NGIP3g1XHyCYpAV2pWiWw3g9XlBazy3lX_SBdA2N9T/s1600/envelope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbB7GyFizBGyZRwgo83GmEQDl41qCK2LNxvBN6aNV0e4srBLbulhqVk989FTWw9EF3E40F9VGkHv9p2RjbRXXla2iCtjk8lvbnT6NGIP3g1XHyCYpAV2pWiWw3g9XlBazy3lX_SBdA2N9T/s640/envelope.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>The Waiting:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">As I said before, there's a lot of waiting. When you get to the part in the recipe where it says to wait, just wait. Don't do shit. Just wait.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Vegan Version: </b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Use <a href="http://www.earthbalancenatural.com/product/whipped-buttery-spread/">Earth Balance Whipped Buttery</a> spread and <a href="http://www.silkpurealmond.com/products/">Silk Almond Milk</a> in place of the butter and milk and ditch the egg wash. And maybe don't wear your apron made of baby penguin skin. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Instructions:</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1. Make a dough ball, let it rise, then make a butter square. Roll the dough ball into a broad enough circle that you can plop the butter square in it, then fold the dough over butter square to form a square envelope. Roll the envelope to about 15"x15". Fold it like a letter, into thirds, so that it's 5"x15". Now fold it in thirds again, so that it's 5"x5". Cover in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for 2 hours. Wait.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2. Flatten the folded dough to 15"x15" again and fold it up to 5"x5" again, Refrigerate 2 hours again. Wait again. Repeat again.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnaYuXejTeyYdrhiDHUpxmFCl9YkBnxNN_L55nps4dzAF-rrrdpA7ZfDQ0N9xOEvqjFZ6Gt5T38SMysI_tiJE5yzFZw3_rd0tdhXpZHjl2TPsPlbkJsc84mFz6h9WaMeQItLmTFgGW-hO0/s1600/fold.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnaYuXejTeyYdrhiDHUpxmFCl9YkBnxNN_L55nps4dzAF-rrrdpA7ZfDQ0N9xOEvqjFZ6Gt5T38SMysI_tiJE5yzFZw3_rd0tdhXpZHjl2TPsPlbkJsc84mFz6h9WaMeQItLmTFgGW-hO0/s640/fold.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">3. Roll foldy square thingy (pictured above) out to 10"x20". Cut into 8 triangles 5" wide (OK, mine maybe weren't quite that wide) and 10" long. Cut a 2" slit in the middle of the broad end and roll the triangles into croissants, pinching the ends together. Repeat with the other half of the dough. Let the formed croissants stand and puff up, covered with a towel, at room temperature, for about an hour.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimVFdIFbBdXqpKc9t_IHb0CIMNv7FVXqzcCJGmikotWJddrFol5S8dF1Qwu45Mx-jvZ-eZC1WlQznZKPzq938gVsWzmUSl7k0OaL7qYByon1J6aH9EgycsMnNLf9qO8sIlWX1ObcPFdxWH/s1600/rolling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="585" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimVFdIFbBdXqpKc9t_IHb0CIMNv7FVXqzcCJGmikotWJddrFol5S8dF1Qwu45Mx-jvZ-eZC1WlQznZKPzq938gVsWzmUSl7k0OaL7qYByon1J6aH9EgycsMnNLf9qO8sIlWX1ObcPFdxWH/s640/rolling.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">4. Give the croissants an egg wash (look it up, if you don't know how) and bake at 375 about 15 minutes. Over temperatures vary wildly, so keep and eye out; they may take longer, they may not.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRoLZeHj68jldjUKYaLG-Ethulug4Ajz1vaoz9LZcddTxteHibqgBnT7B1u232JMbhJYEMIOitLC766vRNOFfhKDPO2xm3hhV1bKIx6SMeU9JlWsuHCgHIOmC3f1S42I0ZTFRsBQdrL8wo/s1600/_MG_9671.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRoLZeHj68jldjUKYaLG-Ethulug4Ajz1vaoz9LZcddTxteHibqgBnT7B1u232JMbhJYEMIOitLC766vRNOFfhKDPO2xm3hhV1bKIx6SMeU9JlWsuHCgHIOmC3f1S42I0ZTFRsBQdrL8wo/s640/_MG_9671.jpg" width="579" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(memorable caption)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">* I didn't actually have a first asterisk in the text. Sometimes I wonder if I overuse that gimmick.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">**Even by lying to it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">***And, sadly, there's no fast-track to chilling butter. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUGisre9xNU">So yeah</a>.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_200924875"></span><span id="goog_200924876"></span><br /></div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-77483561120069293922012-08-29T11:15:00.002-07:002012-09-03T09:36:41.022-07:00Maple Bacon Glazed Donuts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYybpOc40TxYeDZoL7xwRwwstwjBT6JvQit6LPe6j9fxtG2HkAcsPnTrJ4Rd3jEjr5PgThtBPOSBzU2ndKjZEna82IqR5oumI3SKLNMwSepCxn8qw52-CCg1u4RaDeALeqfHmT6NlPOT-4/s1600/_MG_0267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYybpOc40TxYeDZoL7xwRwwstwjBT6JvQit6LPe6j9fxtG2HkAcsPnTrJ4Rd3jEjr5PgThtBPOSBzU2ndKjZEna82IqR5oumI3SKLNMwSepCxn8qw52-CCg1u4RaDeALeqfHmT6NlPOT-4/s640/_MG_0267.jpg" width="632" /></a></div>
<br />
So this is awkward, but I'm not into the whole "throw some bacon on everything" scene*. Not exactly anyway. <br />
<br />
Look, I'm a good person. I do a lot of volunteering (for blogs), I typically stab drifters only when provoked and I love bacon. My own dad, a fine citizen of the highest order, makes bacon everyday, so bacon as a food group has been deeply embedded in my brain/mouth/stomach for several decades.<br />
<br />
But bacon just doesn't belong on everything. Get a hold of yourself, sit the fuck down and read the preceding sentence again if need be.<br />
<a name='more'></a>It's true. Bacon has its place**. And it's a big place, but it's not <i>all places</i>. To use a really weird metaphor: If the countries on a globe were comprised of foods that can be added deliciously to other foods, bacon would be China***. Do not start a land war in Bacon, friend. You will lose.<br />
<br />
Bacon is already so good on so many normal things (loaded baked potatoes, wrapped around filets, on a plate by itself), why overdo it? I love Willie Nelson, but <i>Always on My Mind</i> doesn't go great with, say, working out. ****<br />
<br />
But Americans can't get enough of a good thing*****, so for better or worse, the same mindset that pumps out culinary gold like bacon wrapped shrimp and German potato salad also gives us <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_fried_bacon">deep fried bacon</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon_vodka">bacon vodka</a>, the bacon bra (look it up yourself, pervert) and the <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i.usatoday.net/money/_photos/2012/06/12/Burger-King-rolls-out-summer-BBQ-bacon-sundae-SL1LGSC2-x-large.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/story/2012-06-12/burger-king-limited-time-bbq-bacon-sundae/55552508/1&h=360&w=490&sz=23&tbnid=wESUcctNlOsKkM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=123&zoom=1&usg=__Ijn7FWCC02DRJs5HPOGszUhTajQ=&hl=en&sa=X&ei=8jc-UJi8Esf1ygH9vIGoBg&sqi=2&ved=0CC0Q9QEwAg&dur=330">bacon sundae</a>****** and, someday, the future scourge of middle America: bacocaine.<br />
<br />
Now, with all of that in mind, I'm no bacon tea-totaler. This entry may as well be called "the duality of bacon". I don't believe bacon belongs on everything, but damned if I'm not culturally, possibly genetically, programmed to not see the line in the sand that separates bacon decency from bacon self-parody. And I guess that's what brings me to maple bacon glazed donuts, a recipe that sounded (indulgently) good, that may or may not be a bit much; my woozy last step before what I'm blindly guessing to be the line in the sand. For today...<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTNboFjjU0Tpyr6J7orz_41xVh4R6S7qzqtRXBM2WV-r65sbONWTW2_AqZaopvhpzStry2Of-1OFxys_qX1qpwVfHOcMtf4_xoWBsQhOSGE_ZAmMDJQdFpvKyUUqAB1kFNk-nMa7Tr37U2/s1600/_MG_0262.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTNboFjjU0Tpyr6J7orz_41xVh4R6S7qzqtRXBM2WV-r65sbONWTW2_AqZaopvhpzStry2Of-1OFxys_qX1qpwVfHOcMtf4_xoWBsQhOSGE_ZAmMDJQdFpvKyUUqAB1kFNk-nMa7Tr37U2/s320/_MG_0262.jpg" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">XXX naked donuts XXX</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Donuts with Maple Glaze and Bacon</b><br />
(about a dozen) <b><br /></b><br />
<br />
<b>Donuts:</b><br />
Scant 2 cups flour, divided<br />
1/3 cup sugar<br />
1 egg beaten<br />
1/3 cup milk<br />
1 tbsp canola oil<br />
1 tbsp baking powder <br />
1/2 tsp cinnamon<br />
1/2 tsp salt<br />
oil for frying <br />
<br />
1. Sift together dry ingredients (setting aside 1/3 cup flour) in a bowl. Add the wet ingredients and stir until a sticky dough forms.<br />
<br />
2. Roll dough onto a floured surface and, with floured hands, work the dough until smooth, adding flour as necessary to keep it from sticking.<br />
<br />
3. Heat oil to about 375 (med high for 10 minutes on my stove). Roll dough to about 1/4" thickness and cut into doughnut shapes. I used a wine glass and a shot glass to cut the holes. Fry donuts a couple at a time, about 3-4 minutes total. Looking for a light golden color (they'll darken as they cool).<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh58hHgHfw2ctCWm2G_YMZkDNiHEK_AofqNWNWnDAK1WzmUxzcYfVgtF0DolBP9j7dE6skCI2Ap4a-crHElFb6_7rzyNl_DLGi3JQAllsvSMppQC4vqzjKPDNL8hgYRlMqJ5WRpmwSsUm7u/s1600/_MG_0254.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh58hHgHfw2ctCWm2G_YMZkDNiHEK_AofqNWNWnDAK1WzmUxzcYfVgtF0DolBP9j7dE6skCI2Ap4a-crHElFb6_7rzyNl_DLGi3JQAllsvSMppQC4vqzjKPDNL8hgYRlMqJ5WRpmwSsUm7u/s400/_MG_0254.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cut and fry.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
4. Scrape the excess dough together into a ball, roll it 1/4" thick and cut out more donuts. Repeat as necessary. The last bits, you can either roll like a play dough snake and form donuts, or roll into donut holes.<br />
<br />
<b>Maple Glaze (with Bacon!):</b><br />
<br />
3/4 cup powdered sugar<br />
1/4 cup maple syrup<br />
3 slices <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/cooked-bacon.html">cooked bacon</a>, crumbled<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKuHMH2FxrcE8swjsnzaLR60Ghgmym5g5tuTvV-hN6fT5Vw6lNRhs8imaK9b2U1tFcHUIWSS9J958rwIk8OaLNvNai1r5RcLdhS_wRGKvpSBXtO9tkqElkFsgttfltOmtcwU2I-bePMNGf/s1600/_MG_0278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKuHMH2FxrcE8swjsnzaLR60Ghgmym5g5tuTvV-hN6fT5Vw6lNRhs8imaK9b2U1tFcHUIWSS9J958rwIk8OaLNvNai1r5RcLdhS_wRGKvpSBXtO9tkqElkFsgttfltOmtcwU2I-bePMNGf/s400/_MG_0278.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When was the last time you had a heart attack? That's too long.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
1. In a bowl, stir together powdered sugar and maple syrup until smooth.<br />
<br />
2. Dunk the donuts in the glaze, one at a time, and top with bacon crumbles. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*If that's even the deal anymore. I feel like bacon on everything might be sooo 2008.<br />
** my plate.<br />
*** Two things: a) that's only if we're going by population (which does make the globe analogy confusing, but whatever). Clearly, in any other food-to-country related metaphor, bacon would be repping the olde U-S of A. b) Porktugal would be a good name for a bacon country.<br />
****Although <i>Redheaded Stranger</i> does go surprisingly well with cradling a drifter I've stabbed in my arms, as they lay bleeding to death. <br />
***** Restraint is for Canadians. Don't believe me? Look at their version of bacon.<br />
****** OK, so I wouldn't exactly kick a bacon sundae out of bed. I just hope I can polish it off before it melts on my dignity.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-82727573453885618242012-08-15T16:48:00.002-07:002012-08-16T01:05:25.053-07:00Corn(y) Dog(s)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG17iAZKGn6Ifw5EgZP2fGbtvz3ntLjDJ6IfRsWPbjeBk1CAzqgNSP_LUe4c7deS7L149_wRoM8J2uHj8oyh69HJHXrZvGi0cY2Ya_huLgyTMcUwJA0hVgJhbgedUWhwhiv0j92iPxnMcw/s1600/_MG_0084.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG17iAZKGn6Ifw5EgZP2fGbtvz3ntLjDJ6IfRsWPbjeBk1CAzqgNSP_LUe4c7deS7L149_wRoM8J2uHj8oyh69HJHXrZvGi0cY2Ya_huLgyTMcUwJA0hVgJhbgedUWhwhiv0j92iPxnMcw/s640/_MG_0084.jpg" width="590" /></a></div>
<i>So again, here I am -- a few weeks behind on my own blog, because I'm giving up all the new shit </i><i> (which you can check out every Thursday at <a href="http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/">sidedish.dmagazine.com</a>)</i><i> to another blog. Whatever, get used to it...</i><br />
<br />
The State Fair of Texas is coming up in 6 weeks. As such I've had Fletcher's Corny Dogs (whose <a href="http://www.fletcherscornydogs.com/">web presence</a> is astounding) on the mind of late. Other things too (ex: the other day I thought about <a href="http://www.zod2008.com/">Superman II</a>, and then funny names for race horses for awhile), but mostly I've entertained thoughts of those batter dipped, deep fried, nitrate sweepings on a stick that appear exclusively in Dallas for <a href="http://www.bigtex.com/sft/Nav/foodinformation.asp">24 days a year</a>, then, like the mythical fire bird*, burst into flames, only to be reborn from its own ashes sometime in the future (or so I assume).<br />
<br />
I know what you're thinking: <i>Every state has a fair, and they all sell corn dogs. This blog is stupid.</i><br />
<br />
In a way, what you're thinking isn't wrong. Although in the way that has to do with reality, you're completely wrong/you're stupid, stupid.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
Yes, other states have fairs or whatever. I guess. I've heard of such things. And they probably all proudly serve some misguided thing they call a "corn dog" that likely exists as a mealy, squishy, flavorless mass; at best the kind of garbage they're OK with in <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/myshirtsucks/5904679">Delaware</a> (What? Seriously, fuck Delaware), but that doesn't fly here. <br />
<br />
Feltcher's Corny Dogs (jesus, I feel like I'm running an ad for Fletcher's Corny Dogs**) are sinfully fucking good. And if they weren't like 6 bucks a pop, I would buy enough every year to fashion a golden calf of Corny Dogs and then worship the shit out of it (suck on that, Charlton Heston***). They're so good, they should be represented on the periodic table and in the dewey decimal system, if only out of respect. If a FleCoDo (shut up, I'm trying something) got lodged in Ed Asner's belly button, then popped out and rolled into a pile of AIDS, I would call 5 second rule on that shit (although maybe I'll let you have that one…). etc. I won't gild the lilly.<br />
<br />
So, after all of that… here is a recipe that is total shit compared to the afore lauded Corny Dog. Sorry. I can't beat Fletcher's, not even close (although these are much better than the ones you can buy frozen). Did you really think...? Bless your heart. I can only hope to drop an edible something that whets your appetite until you can get access to the real thing again. <br />
<br />
And if you're from another part of the world, and can't access to the <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=state+fair+of+texas+corny+dog&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1163&bih=614&tbm=isch&tbnid=zepNeM3IWlAWCM:&imgrefurl=http://thattheretexas.tumblr.com/page/2&docid=mgwCwPf8R3EpQM&imgurl=http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln41tsjE5v1qk89ono1_400.png&w=342&h=510&ei=PKgsUPG0DoLzyAHT14DwCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=715&vpy=84&dur=2331&hovh=274&hovw=184&tx=78&ty=99&sig=102624894823004583725&page=1&tbnh=133&tbnw=88&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0,i:87">One True Corny Dog</a>, rest assured, and know that there's always (Insert words of reassurance. note to self: fill this section in later), although you'll probably just turn to a life of grifting and get stabbed by a drifter. Circle of life. wamp wamp. <br />
<br />
<br />
PS- Happy 100th Birthday to the late, great Julia Child. I watched <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHX0pv8_JOE">this video</a> last night and laughed my ass off (spoiler: she's 75 and wielding a blowtorch, which in itself is immeasurably badass) even though I really wanted to reach back in time and punch David Letterman.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXPRJvbobYzwyUcRGJ9TT15AEzs6d5DTQ1U8RyZadAeley71PQ_W1yIxrRrDIz5HTroqh53k5oRky71Ic6IA665NcZ_48kthRUpAKMEkjySMpQmzGQVX-2f1voRgPk1N_PPukP08Hw-ETs/s1600/_MG_0103a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXPRJvbobYzwyUcRGJ9TT15AEzs6d5DTQ1U8RyZadAeley71PQ_W1yIxrRrDIz5HTroqh53k5oRky71Ic6IA665NcZ_48kthRUpAKMEkjySMpQmzGQVX-2f1voRgPk1N_PPukP08Hw-ETs/s320/_MG_0103a.jpg" width="298" /></a><b>Corn(y) Dogs</b><br />
(makes eight)<br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
<br />
8 jumbo beef franks <br />
1 cup yellow corn meal <br />
1 cup all purpose flour, plus extra for dredging dogs <br />
1 cup plain yogurt <br />
2 eggs, beaten <br />
2 tbsp honey <br />
2 tsp salt <br />
tsp baking powder <br />
water, as needed <br />
oil for frying ( I used 2 qt) <br />
6 inch-ish skewers<br />
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b><br />
<br />
1. In a heavy pot or dutch oven, preheat oil to about 350 degrees (med-high on my stove)<br />
2. Combine corn meal, flour, salt and baking powder in a bowl, followed by the yogurt, beaten eggs and honey. Stir all together until you have a very thick batter, milkshake-like in consistency and mostly free of big lumps. Add some water, a tbsp at a time (I used 3), until you have a smoother, pancake batter-like consistency that thoroughly coats the back of your spoon.<br />
3. Pour your batter mixture into a tall skinny beer glass, about 6" high (you'll add more batter into the glass as you use it up). This way you can dunk your dogs in the batter upright. Trust me, rolling them around horizontally won't coat them evenly. It'll just lead to ugly corn dogs and a lot of cursing.<br />
4. Insert skewers into the franks, and, working in batches of two, first dredge them in flour, then dunk them into the batter, making sure to thoroughly coat them. Fry about four minutes each, until golden.****<br />
5. Enjoy and remember that the end of September isn't too far off. Oh, and definitely hit the gym tomorrow.<br />
<br />
*Yes, the <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=trans+am+firebird+burt+reynolds&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1163&bih=614&tbm=isch&tbnid=YXb11-lyjv7yLM:&imgrefurl=http://catchmycar.wordpress.com/category/america-f-yeah-2011/&docid=8Se7AhfoyluWlM&imgurl=http://catchmycar.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/burt1b_transam_catchmycar.jpg&w=535&h=696&ei=TaksUNzuH-XLyAHO_YCYDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=111&vpy=65&dur=628&hovh=256&hovw=197&tx=91&ty=113&sig=102624894823004583725&page=1&tbnh=133&tbnw=98&start=0&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:75">Trans Am</a> kind, with the decal on the hood. Obviously.<br />
**Fletcher's - tastes good, like a corny dog should; you've come a long way, doggie.<br />
***actually, if Chuck (yeah, I call him Chuck) Heston is reading this, I'll be damned impressed, given his current facebook status of dead.<br />
****You can do this a day ahead if you're having a party or tailgating. Warm and crisp them up by dropping them in 350 degree oil for about a minute.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-69201696827114306062012-07-19T20:48:00.000-07:002012-07-19T21:11:59.359-07:00Lose 15 Lbs. Without Doing a Thing!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcpqx0GW-TjGR1kJZxpT3W62wIPgY0qRkiyJAV4MHKbvU8oZ0A1EmSmXshn2hU4Au5Xo9-kk-sqXo_s3UzYi1ROIUqyysgDb_Dec_JUWqKgFvgn_o7IpX8FZ1PF5nsNP-SbvNOhzZ_L5Gj/s1600/MG_0021.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcpqx0GW-TjGR1kJZxpT3W62wIPgY0qRkiyJAV4MHKbvU8oZ0A1EmSmXshn2hU4Au5Xo9-kk-sqXo_s3UzYi1ROIUqyysgDb_Dec_JUWqKgFvgn_o7IpX8FZ1PF5nsNP-SbvNOhzZ_L5Gj/s400/MG_0021.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I feel like nobody will read this unless I lead with a picture.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Dear Oodblo readers, </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Elephant in the room: It's been awhile. I missed you terribly, you lovely bastards and lady bastards.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
The culprit here was/is a colony of bacteria that have been having an orgy in my guts for a couple of weeks. It's bacterial Studio 54 down there; bacteria wearing sunglasses indoors and doing blow off of the asses of bacteria strippers doing blow off the asses of more bacteria strippers. Bacteria Mick Jagger is there, hanging out with (anybody famous in the late 70's). And the goddamn disco music...</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Suffice it to say, thinking about food constantly hasn't been at the top of my list so much of late as, say, visualizing myself not throwing up all day and then acting that out in real life. Or visualizing that there's a reliable toilet nearby....</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
I know what you're thinking. <i>Do you have to talk about gross stuff like that on a food blog? It's not very appetizing</i>. I'm not making you read this blog, asshole. Although, if you were real and I knew where your house was, I'd come over to your house and I would, in fact, make you read this blog. Moot point, jerk.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
The upside of all this: unintentional weight loss. And that's the real recipe here. Looking to lose that extra 15 pounds? Get your hands and then your mouth on some bacteria. Make sure you get it in your stomach.* (laugh track) I kid, I kid. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Seriously though, it's amazing. I just walk around naked all the time now. It's not all that different than before, except for the fact that my dog seems impressed now. My dog doesn't speak English**, but I read between the lines. When someone (or some mammal) watches your every move then occasionally licks their privates, you know you're doing something right. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Well, that pretty much wraps it up... Oh wait. You want an actual recipe of food, eh? Fine. Just this once.*** </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
This is another warmed-over <a href="http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/07/12/look-what-i-made-grilled-pork-chops-with-peach-salsa-recipe/#more-44675">SideDish</a> recipe. Not that I'm dogging anything but the writing in the last SideDish recipe I rehashed here -- <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/07/charred-poblano-pesto.html">it was fantastic</a>. This one is OK. It's just that there's some bad blood between me and this dish, because despite my stomach's protests, I had to choke it down several times on account of, how's that old saying go? Oh yeah, if you don't eat food, you'll fucking die. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
So... make this, don't make it. I absolutely do not give a shit. Never talk to me about it, please. It disgusts me.**** Hopefully, by the next time we have one of these little chats, it'll be the early 80's in my digestive tract and the pathogen FBI will have swooped in and shut down Studio 54 for good. Disco sucks motherfuckers. Enjoy.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Grilled Pork Chops with Peach Salsa</b><span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>(serves three)</div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
Pork chops:<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>3 roughly 1" thick pork chops<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1/3 cup olive oil<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>tbsp soy sauce<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1 1/2 tsp cumin<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>tsp chipotle powder (or chili powder)</div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
Peach Salsa:<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>2 peaches, diced<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1 jalapeno, finely diced<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1/2 a small red onion, finely diced<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>1/3 cup chopped cilantro<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>juice of 1 or 2 limes<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>splash of olive oil<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>salt to taste</div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Instructions:</b></div>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
1. Make the pork chop marinade. Mix the olive oil, soy sauce, cumin and chipotle powder together. Pour mixture over the chops and marinate in the fridge for several hours to overnight, flipping occasionally, if you can. You want the chops nicely coated.<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>2. In a bowl, mix all the ingredients for the peach salsa together, except 1/2 cup of the diced peaches, the lime juice and olive oil.<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>3. In a food processor or blender, puree the reserved peaches with the lime juice and olive oil until smooth, then mix with the other ingredients in the bowl. The salsa can be made the night before.<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>4. Preheat grill to medium-high and grill chops, flipping once, until the internal temperature has come up to 145, probably about 10-12 minutes total; grills vary.<span style="font: normal normal normal 13px/normal 'Lucida Grande';"><br />
</span>5. Let the chops rest a few minutes (it's been a long day for them), then top with peach salsa and enjoy.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBFrgbfIKF_Q5U9iFDug0x_akx-3GoC4FrgNbvoYZel2MiCxbDM3c1tOH4YMa5K3WmWYxCYcwbZLCKbFyScm6glYg2zpBkdeBYuKtMo4pDm8aBQeLa-Mf9ny73kQRl_ZGqU_dLeD4MKMbJ/s1600/MG_0055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="596" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBFrgbfIKF_Q5U9iFDug0x_akx-3GoC4FrgNbvoYZel2MiCxbDM3c1tOH4YMa5K3WmWYxCYcwbZLCKbFyScm6glYg2zpBkdeBYuKtMo4pDm8aBQeLa-Mf9ny73kQRl_ZGqU_dLeD4MKMbJ/s640/MG_0055.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can see my reflection in the fork. Nice photography, douche.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 13.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*really don't. Not because it's gross and horrible, which it is, but because you'd be copying me. Nobody likes a copy cat.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
** immigrated from Finland.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***And forever.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**** You can talk to me about it if you want, but in an ironic twist, if you do, I'll pretend I don't speak English. Just like my dog does. Only, unlike with my dog, no one will be licking their balls in approval.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-15796129663351453742012-07-07T12:25:00.003-07:002012-07-07T12:42:17.636-07:00Charred Poblano Pesto<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2Fxmq8jLwSZyjrnWRfg4kMd8O5chZ_f4EUuOz87r3olPVK7sVegidF34DVq7OfzpupRD2z6mBcP8VJ4m2_gyh85Wch6L-9HImRMHxIVbDoz8zvoHOMtPgho6earWjH8Hvbnd-2-RISD9/s1600/_MG_9959.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2Fxmq8jLwSZyjrnWRfg4kMd8O5chZ_f4EUuOz87r3olPVK7sVegidF34DVq7OfzpupRD2z6mBcP8VJ4m2_gyh85Wch6L-9HImRMHxIVbDoz8zvoHOMtPgho6earWjH8Hvbnd-2-RISD9/s640/_MG_9959.jpg" width="484" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>So, I do a weekly (Thursday) contribution to D magazine's food blog, <a href="http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/">Side Dish</a>. Typically, it's a watered down for the masses version of a recipe already featured on oodblo. I take out all the salty (giggle, you see what I did there) language, and… well, it's basically just what you'd call a "recipe" at that point.<br /><br />This week, for whatever reason, I gave Side Dish some new material first, leaving oodblo kinda out in the <strike>cold</strike> searing heat. Now, I'm too lazy to just make new shit up, rewrite this and make it funny. So here's what's gonna happen: I'm taking this week's Side Dish post, adding some random profanity (a fun game would be for you, the reader, to try and spot it) and calling it a day.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Don't let the lack of curse words in <a href="http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/07/05/look-what-i-made-charred-poblano-pesto-recipe/">the original post</a> throw you; it's still good. Enjoy.</i><br />
<br />
It’s July. Summer is real. Shit. Boner. The silver lining: fresh peppers abound.<br />
<br />
Also, in spite of the heat, my (Thai) basil plants are thriving. Fart.<br />
<br />
Poblano pesto was an easy call. Boobs.<br />
<br />
This recipe is a summertime nod to the most basic pesto formula — basil or other herbs, nuts or seeds, oil, salty cheese and garlic — and, as such, is easily adapted to any taste or season.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimwwAUtOsO0Uzg7KQI-6woVG8jIfe_55kE8Flcbk0ADndBv37ZmI0In8cUVRRUolcj33FCVxKxFzV6-KRP7F6sSSIwBAwpy-vdRbYKpRTxG5ziVzwUmuiCcXRUBgFWmy_t5ngFCR7UNGSG/s1600/_MG_9878.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimwwAUtOsO0Uzg7KQI-6woVG8jIfe_55kE8Flcbk0ADndBv37ZmI0In8cUVRRUolcj33FCVxKxFzV6-KRP7F6sSSIwBAwpy-vdRbYKpRTxG5ziVzwUmuiCcXRUBgFWmy_t5ngFCR7UNGSG/s320/_MG_9878.jpg" width="264" /></a><b>Charred Poblano Pesto</b><br />
(makes about 3/4 cup)<br />
<br />
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
<br />
Half a poblano pepper, charred (grilled, broiled or charred over the flame of a gas stove) and chopped<br />
1 cup rinsed basil leaves<br />
1/2 cup pine nuts<br />
1/3 cup olive oil, or more<br />
3 Tbsp cotija cheese*<br />
Tbsp lemon or lime juice<br />
1 clove peeled garlic<br />
salt to taste<br />
<br />
<b>Instructions:</b><br />
<br />
1. Combine all ingredients, except half of the olive oil, in food processor (a stick blender with a mini food processor attachment works perfect for this amount). Blend until the mixture is just starting to become smooth.<br />
2. Add the rest of the olive oil. Blend until smooth, using less oil if you like a thick pesto, more oil if you like it runnier. Taste and adjust salt if needed.<br />
3. That’s it. Have a cocktail and pretend this was exhausting. Serve with bread, rice, pizza, pasta or carb of your choice.<br />
<br />
*I went with a less pungent alternative to Parmesan cheese here to give the pepper more of a starring role.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-46299295557621485722012-07-06T08:59:00.002-07:002012-09-04T17:30:21.983-07:00Grilled Ham Steaks with Grits and Red Eye Gravy. Sorta.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7faZOMjzi71eWImRbCQ4gKFpb9az-v5FpzpFY3VwRYSCkCH65emhpWEzABzLBnguAGwc6Ai1X4NJlP1tghzjFHVGMMLI_AQZIegVgXVw-uHIEqicb1_Pwnkn02ioprmhUBiSTnz0be9o4/s1600/_MG_9829.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7faZOMjzi71eWImRbCQ4gKFpb9az-v5FpzpFY3VwRYSCkCH65emhpWEzABzLBnguAGwc6Ai1X4NJlP1tghzjFHVGMMLI_AQZIegVgXVw-uHIEqicb1_Pwnkn02ioprmhUBiSTnz0be9o4/s640/_MG_9829.jpg" width="508" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Red Eye Gravy huh?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Coffee and gravy, together at last!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I don't know, man. That sounds like a bottom of the barrel idea...</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">This blog is comfortable with the bottom of the barrel*. Let's make some red eye gravy (and grits and ham).<span id="goog_43649325"></span><span id="goog_43649326"></span></span><br />
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxH_anne4uyUzOxPmioYlmi20oNe2o_jLlNEWwxOsJO_XjvRtAs3K0PqCW_3lgnBGa-uTIQARDU-3KwhRJi1JD0gtR0P9g1gaJgnJ0918NC0ETnIymsLOjCkZ3ClG_t-ezjoTBFiNV5on/s1600/_MG_9784.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxH_anne4uyUzOxPmioYlmi20oNe2o_jLlNEWwxOsJO_XjvRtAs3K0PqCW_3lgnBGa-uTIQARDU-3KwhRJi1JD0gtR0P9g1gaJgnJ0918NC0ETnIymsLOjCkZ3ClG_t-ezjoTBFiNV5on/s320/_MG_9784.jpg" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a dog in search of weird gravy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: small;">I'm not gonna lie and be like "we would go to grandmother's house every fortnight, and the smell wafting through the kitchen..." None of that shit happened.** I have no red eye gravy nostalgia. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I don't know where this idea came from. But goddamn. Just make some. I don't want to talk about it. It was so strangely good, it's sending me into a hellish existential crisis. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
</div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Oh... Wait. It's gone. Phew!</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I'm told grits and red eye gravy is often served with ham (wherever the fuck people eat this stuff) and this is a spin on that motif. The grits fries I've been making for awhile. They're lovely***. I stole the idea from the polenta fries they used to have at <a href="http://www.libertinebar.com/">everybody's favorite greenville ave bar</a>. Goddamn, I miss those polenta fries****. And grilling vacuum-packed <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1445&bih=767&tbm=isch&tbnid=tUBE4OBOs6GjTM:&imgrefurl=http://www.hormel.com/recipes/details/5341/ham-steaks-with-plum-salsa.aspx&docid=FM3i0dTquxKY5M&itg=1&imgurl=http://www.hormel.com/images/RecipeImage.ashx%253FRecipeImageId%253D4186&w=640&h=480&ei=_wr3T77LJZH9rAGCiIyLCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=333&vpy=149&dur=1285&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=184&ty=148&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=134&tbnw=179&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:79">hormel ham "steaks"</a>? Well, that's just classy friends.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Ham Steaks with Grits Fries and Red Eye Gravy</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">(made 1 serving)</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIAyGg5T8cRZV3M58qag2fFCXT7bSdaZlOnMYcPrH0xuK9foa4Z4_ubItiq-aY-A_TGVeCA8l2DCkLE4Fi2NeB5o6UcQyy_D4c1NP3HbmhgixKAKH4CiK5uWN2-hYJXb92NY7zD1-W5T2/s1600/_MG_9747.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIAyGg5T8cRZV3M58qag2fFCXT7bSdaZlOnMYcPrH0xuK9foa4Z4_ubItiq-aY-A_TGVeCA8l2DCkLE4Fi2NeB5o6UcQyy_D4c1NP3HbmhgixKAKH4CiK5uWN2-hYJXb92NY7zD1-W5T2/s200/_MG_9747.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrJm4QrJ0QAOkpaewXdT-p5b3LBbpfp1FtaDSzKJVreN5u4a33yN6Mz0VeWEng91AyfneJVRJDnhFJxbVLmTgK_KV-oYb0FOAwbuVxAnDXaT9wzrY8QrvxcjIoOl-ZIAq3Iu3C-nhNvbZY/s1600/_MG_9780.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYd0JdhpTjzcd-eoRqYJ4x-JimyEEXyG5CKo9MRPyzBKbax_YEAX9qYK2mu7qEaXwCJInHbm13poYTw304IwIDSLFkl7S_IP48KFtMblurIZyXOPdp4GMIQL6pBKBhs08yuGU4cC9QYkN-/s1600/_MG_9792.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYd0JdhpTjzcd-eoRqYJ4x-JimyEEXyG5CKo9MRPyzBKbax_YEAX9qYK2mu7qEaXwCJInHbm13poYTw304IwIDSLFkl7S_IP48KFtMblurIZyXOPdp4GMIQL6pBKBhs08yuGU4cC9QYkN-/s200/_MG_9792.jpg" width="165" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Ham Steaks:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2 Ham steaks, grilled to crosshatched perfection (unless you're a pussy)</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Red Eye Gravy:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">3/4 cup brewed coffee</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1 Tbsp bacon grease or other oil</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1 Tbsp flour</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1. Make a roux (thickening agent), Mix the flour into melted bacon grease over medium heat. Cook for 2 minutes, stirring the whole time.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2. Pour in the brewed coffee. Lower heat and whisk your ass off until the roux is completely incorporated. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">3. Stir occasionally, and remove from heat when the gravy has reached its desired consistency, about like a regular brown gravy.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Grits Fries:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">6 Tbsp instant grits</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Olive oil spray</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">salt and pepper</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrJm4QrJ0QAOkpaewXdT-p5b3LBbpfp1FtaDSzKJVreN5u4a33yN6Mz0VeWEng91AyfneJVRJDnhFJxbVLmTgK_KV-oYb0FOAwbuVxAnDXaT9wzrY8QrvxcjIoOl-ZIAq3Iu3C-nhNvbZY/s1600/_MG_9780.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrJm4QrJ0QAOkpaewXdT-p5b3LBbpfp1FtaDSzKJVreN5u4a33yN6Mz0VeWEng91AyfneJVRJDnhFJxbVLmTgK_KV-oYb0FOAwbuVxAnDXaT9wzrY8QrvxcjIoOl-ZIAq3Iu3C-nhNvbZY/s200/_MG_9780.jpg" width="193" /></a><span style="font-size: small;">1. Cook grits according to box instructions. Add salt and pepper.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">2. Pour grits into a shallow casserole lined with plastic wrap.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">3. Let them cool for a couple of hours, until congealed and kinda dry on top.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">4. Preheat oven to 400. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">5. With a pizza cutter or long knife, cut the block of grits in 1/2" thick slices.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">6. Gently transfer "fries" to a baking sheet sprayed with olive oil. Spray the top of the fries with olive oil. <b>Do not let the fries touch each other. If they do, they won't crisp and you will have fucked this up.</b></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">7. Bake 20-30 minutes, flipping after 10 minutes and as necessary (you've gotta keep an eye on these), until browning along the corners. Add salt, if needed.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Put all that shit on a plate and eat it.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOGv81ELZZ_X8fLWEX94WFOxer_WY5SYyvqPm8VwyDLTKplce7yy41wzPQdqzne63GOJvfH7iTiMqMNYXtCux2Rpo2vPaKFvfch3avW-MpSXPHAAGYV1IS0CKKL1zYgCN6H0uE2PtAL_z7/s1600/_MG_9819.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOGv81ELZZ_X8fLWEX94WFOxer_WY5SYyvqPm8VwyDLTKplce7yy41wzPQdqzne63GOJvfH7iTiMqMNYXtCux2Rpo2vPaKFvfch3avW-MpSXPHAAGYV1IS0CKKL1zYgCN6H0uE2PtAL_z7/s400/_MG_9819.jpg" width="348" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkRpTng6jgJWgvoglvz9C9CD37atPBFPoJ1pdiIAP32m0xMUOTof2crm4rRi59I-acZdSCs2VYuYw48eZS9I52Tk_LS-pz0zzPUebUakxzVMWUEkExYZzvePOvrajLdFmniYieniH51ym/s1600/_MG_9819.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkRpTng6jgJWgvoglvz9C9CD37atPBFPoJ1pdiIAP32m0xMUOTof2crm4rRi59I-acZdSCs2VYuYw48eZS9I52Tk_LS-pz0zzPUebUakxzVMWUEkExYZzvePOvrajLdFmniYieniH51ym/s1600/_MG_9819.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">*after all, this wasn't </span><span style="font-size: small;">exactly my first <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/grits-and-chili-cottage-pie.html">instant grits</a> rodeo either.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">**my grandmother's house didn't smell like food, it smelled like cigarettes. And we liked it. They had candy and toys.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">*** except for the name: grits fries. That's an awful, awkward name, but I don't know what else to call them.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">**** they also had the greatest grilled asparagus I've ever had. I don't know what their secret was, but I suspect it was microscopic pieces of fried chicken used as seasoning. I've asked a number of scientists about microscopic fried chicken technology and I'm sad to say that based on my findings, most scientists are assholes.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-59818174056288844722012-06-24T17:30:00.000-07:002012-09-04T17:31:49.889-07:00Chicharrones (nee Pork Rinds)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRtL0ec03TbXLXdYhLph223EgW4YUzmhU3O2wTSgHcrRhOsM_ufIicehOcIr_otWlLTiCJnsB8C_NlY4xeDc1m77xM0I_47tOVgFyKX0N6jepRP8u0pg72ySYM2Sj3kVNXrKX1rmI-FZp/s1600/_MG_9490.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRtL0ec03TbXLXdYhLph223EgW4YUzmhU3O2wTSgHcrRhOsM_ufIicehOcIr_otWlLTiCJnsB8C_NlY4xeDc1m77xM0I_47tOVgFyKX0N6jepRP8u0pg72ySYM2Sj3kVNXrKX1rmI-FZp/s640/_MG_9490.jpg" width="563" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
Americans, it seems, are eating a dangerously small amount of pork rinds.* Damn shame.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Most of us would eat pillow stuffing if it was covered in <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/cooked-bacon.html">bacon</a>, then politely demand more. Seconds with bacon on top is the American way. But the very same patriots just won't eat pork rinds**. Probably because pork rinds are <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_rind">exactly what the name suggests</a> they are.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Thing is, there aren't a lot of foods that would sound terrific if their names were anatomically correct. Chicken uterine lining doesn't have the same ring as eggs. Cut up dead pig and spices? Thanks, I'll stick with sausage.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgujBss9ARhXZzdohMoeM3iISLputdlzfow0nrVxBTUXbLgf4PN8Uww4a95QnMlS-cDThrH0bV0NXm-a4DgZF7bYQ2FXvXj7P2-gWz8qu0nyBbdRCnz6QRNZidNQxpLxJwIhWlxO4-omO7t/s1600/_MG_9474.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgujBss9ARhXZzdohMoeM3iISLputdlzfow0nrVxBTUXbLgf4PN8Uww4a95QnMlS-cDThrH0bV0NXm-a4DgZF7bYQ2FXvXj7P2-gWz8qu0nyBbdRCnz6QRNZidNQxpLxJwIhWlxO4-omO7t/s320/_MG_9474.jpg" width="304" /></a>If we had to do food names that way, there wouldn't even be a word for cheetos. You would just point and people would gasp and judge you and your orange powder-crusted fingers.<br />
<br />
I don't want to live in that world.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Forget Pork Rinds. Clean slate. Boom. Re-branded.*** These are <i>chicharrones</i>****from now on. And if delicious, crispy snack foods aren't your thing, there are lots of recipes out there for grilled lettuce wraps or whatever other bullshit a closed minded bigot eats.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 12.0px;">
Notes: This recipe is very "waiting around intensive", so it's time consuming. You have to think ahead by a couple of days. Also, at the bottom of this post, there's a shitty handheld video (with lousy audio!) of chicharrones coming into the world. An oodblo first.<br />
<br />
<b>Chicharrones (nee Pork Rinds)</b><br />
<br />
Needs:<br />
<br />
1/2 lb or so <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=fresh+pork+skin&um=1&hl=en&biw=1163&bih=614&tbm=isch&tbnid=WyjdF_Cm9tOBSM:&imgrefurl=http://curedmeats.blogspot.com/2010/12/cotechino-2010.html&docid=fPVCBg8Ka5lbYM&imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9MiydDuR8StjA-hu8LBkC9CHYY0gwctR8MxPH4CmcVlQt9g1BD1BjHzauLcUtDP-xTLgaDkc1lUrVJqVQ_yO1vLpZcFF_ZhhjEyDPSby7m_YLMhIglgcJtt4Wk0wu1iHtP9jkbGOv-4M/s1600/IMG_1240.jpg&w=1024&h=683&ei=ocPnT8jXD8bE2gXlqdTaCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=782&vpy=303&dur=1791&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=158&ty=117&sig=102624894823004583725&page=3&tbnh=132&tbnw=159&start=42&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:10,s:42,i:239">Pork Skins</a>, either pre-packaged (they have them at Fiesta and small hispanic markets) or the skin from a pork belly or shoulder.<br />
Corn, canola or other oil for frying.<br />
Salt<br />
<br />
How:<br />
<br />
1. Boil the skins for about 20 minutes, until soft and the fat attached to the skin is starting to soften and turn gelatinous.<br />
2. Allow skins to cool the fuck out, then <i>ever-so-carefully</i> scrape off as much remaining fat from the skin as you can. <b>This is important as shit.</b> If you leave (much) fat attached to the skin, these will not puff up at all. This is the step that will fuck everything up if you do it wrong. You have been warned.<br />
3. Cut the skins into 2-3 inch square pieces, long thing strips or a combination of the two.<br />
4. Dry the skins in a skillet, with your oven set very low, about 200 degrees. It takes about 36 hours. You can stop and cook other things and then pop them back in as necessary (I did).<br />
5. When they are super dry and resemble a petrified piece of leather, get a pot of oil going at about med-hi.<br />
6. Drop the dried pieces into the hot oil, 5 or 6 at a time. They'll puff up pretty quickly and float when done.<br />
7. Drain, salt and serve. They can be stored in a ziptop bag at room temperature.</div>
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzhiLgnfrhsfNtJmEDfRJzijfSPPFK5OiwaSmWVICFb2pzbSkSd8MNQaZ9bH27Zlr6RT03l2Gcccfbv3K1A' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*Which is weird, because with the obesity craze, I thought people would be hip to pork rinds</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**I still see them at the convenience stores, but I assume they're somehow part of the structure.<br />
***Just like turning high fructose corn syrup into corn sugar, <a href="http://consumerist.com/2012/06/why-is-big-corn-continuing-to-run-corn-sugar-ads-even-after-fda-denial.html">maybe</a>.</div>
<div style="font: 11.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
****Which is Spanish for "not fucking fried pork skin, I can tell you that much (wink)". It loses something in translation.</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-33127269106017351582012-06-19T06:29:00.001-07:002012-06-23T15:56:01.669-07:00fries<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzKLXATRnc5yosdpNPj6lP6LESzxrHU9PqQOif323Uhj59cpT80gUpTinFJYOlUh2rE0Z5-CbHi-n1xMRtoidmcA6lY0cJrHJC7Llz6rNcucm2JR3F2zFHj_7c3oVuYulgD2VPqX9OEKdP/s640/_MG_9257.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="610" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">it's hot. let's fry some shit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzKLXATRnc5yosdpNPj6lP6LESzxrHU9PqQOif323Uhj59cpT80gUpTinFJYOlUh2rE0Z5-CbHi-n1xMRtoidmcA6lY0cJrHJC7Llz6rNcucm2JR3F2zFHj_7c3oVuYulgD2VPqX9OEKdP/s1600/_MG_9257.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzKLXATRnc5yosdpNPj6lP6LESzxrHU9PqQOif323Uhj59cpT80gUpTinFJYOlUh2rE0Z5-CbHi-n1xMRtoidmcA6lY0cJrHJC7Llz6rNcucm2JR3F2zFHj_7c3oVuYulgD2VPqX9OEKdP/s1600/_MG_9257.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Nothing says every day in the life of an American quite like fries. Except maybe exploiting poor people. But I don't have a recipe for that, other than to say if you find yourself in the proximity of a poor person, see what you can get out of him.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Why would you spend time & make a mess frying something at home that you can buy at nearly every sit down restaurant or bar & with processed reliability at every fast food chain, you ask*. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
I don't have a good answer for that.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Maybe it's because I'm shallow & enjoy impressing people by making food they're accustomed only to ordering (<a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/pizza.html">see pizza</a>). Yes, that sounds right. Certainly, that's it.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
This is messy, can be time consuming & tests my contentious relationship with my mandolin slicer (the score is about 12-0, mandolin, but it hasn't robbed me on any fingers just yet). Beyond that, it really is a simple -- first try simple -- recipe that people will love the shit out of. Why? Because your friends are easily impressed & the results are on par with good fast food fries, which I absolutely mean as a compliment. I'm not gonna bullshit you & act like fast food fries aren't awesome.** This isn't a blog about lying.***</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
fries</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(use about a potato per person)</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2 russet potatoes</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
salt & pepper</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
oil for frying (canola, peanut, <b>shortening</b>, etc)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Start prepping the potatoes. I slice the rounded parts off the potatoes long-wise (leaving the ends in tact), so that you have potatoes with 4 long, flat sides & 2 rounded ends. You can also peel the potatoes, but this method, while sacrificing some potato, yields uniform fries.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Slice the potatoes with a mandolin to 1/2" thickness, or whatever size you like, remembering that the potatoes will lose about 1/3-1/2 their girth (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD_xWrhZ8yI">yeah</a>) . You can use a knife, but the mandolin gives great consistency -- If you like rustic fries, leave the skins on, cut 'em with a knife & don't apologize for being so unrefined.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqw_3rJjvTj3XH-ZZIVC1GRzWVcRp4m5IczpiUM1Kj13QHtHKiDi_CaC2ZXYSMyfKTY4pfeaoIfGLLqJ4XNr3f8tmmr8eGXro0JL8RkPdTEIT8p5XQ-z_u8NBPwulytntz8SPOprWyYltZ/s1600/_MG_9228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqw_3rJjvTj3XH-ZZIVC1GRzWVcRp4m5IczpiUM1Kj13QHtHKiDi_CaC2ZXYSMyfKTY4pfeaoIfGLLqJ4XNr3f8tmmr8eGXro0JL8RkPdTEIT8p5XQ-z_u8NBPwulytntz8SPOprWyYltZ/s320/_MG_9228.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Soak the potatoes in ice water for about an hour. This draws some starch out & helps them crisp.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQW3Atg2Kjr2-3Gw8s1T68cmbbl32LhmceE-6TmpLHWe4xKVhayJw-UZNl0-8doqLw7fOw8zAULB16IBHBpq8CX2L4zn3Xyn9zRGUoIy3rlL_6YRNKIDoQl3Xdbfo2SOtllVW1bhyphenhyphen7HXC/s1600/_MG_9231.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQW3Atg2Kjr2-3Gw8s1T68cmbbl32LhmceE-6TmpLHWe4xKVhayJw-UZNl0-8doqLw7fOw8zAULB16IBHBpq8CX2L4zn3Xyn9zRGUoIy3rlL_6YRNKIDoQl3Xdbfo2SOtllVW1bhyphenhyphen7HXC/s320/_MG_9231.jpg" width="275" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Drain the potatoes.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAPUhP0YIte7dtX7B4qVzBfhGvTNiaDn3Dy3VFT1rZ7HcZtjYXd1_8if7PvqDb47pxJ5C5HmHtuiO-0ZVzBZzzvshmjQjvtzH9l1zSm3FrJ_BsE5bR6zWYrnVO4dIx7xnLicKeU_yc61Ui/s1600/_MG_9232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAPUhP0YIte7dtX7B4qVzBfhGvTNiaDn3Dy3VFT1rZ7HcZtjYXd1_8if7PvqDb47pxJ5C5HmHtuiO-0ZVzBZzzvshmjQjvtzH9l1zSm3FrJ_BsE5bR6zWYrnVO4dIx7xnLicKeU_yc61Ui/s320/_MG_9232.jpg" width="272" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Heat oil (2 qt or so) to medium in a deep, large (8 qt or so) pot that can handle frying. Don't be an asshole and ruin a stock pot, thinking you can fry in it. When the oil is ready (lots of recipes say 350 degrees. I don't use a thermometer, I hold my hand over the oil until it feels hot enough that I can't leave my hand there too long). Drop all those soon-to-be fries in the hot oil. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWthrJcyGzoVg4Q9BKPz1mNJQv7LiB7Nd-c3A-rlgR0zHb9NQ9JPcxAJx685Wcg55BeRpxfZHMNhuQ8Z-71zh9_N9gbUJyIL32hAGY9lAjaWmJczUD9EbhbJGGB3UJ5bXfiNDGGpsETwik/s1600/_MG_9236.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWthrJcyGzoVg4Q9BKPz1mNJQv7LiB7Nd-c3A-rlgR0zHb9NQ9JPcxAJx685Wcg55BeRpxfZHMNhuQ8Z-71zh9_N9gbUJyIL32hAGY9lAjaWmJczUD9EbhbJGGB3UJ5bXfiNDGGpsETwik/s320/_MG_9236.jpg" width="281" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
After about 10 minutes, give them a stir ever so gently. They're tender, like they just got out of a relationship, & you don't want to break them.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Check in another 10 minutes. They're ready to come out when a few start lightly browning near the ends and/or on the edges. 20-25 minutes total</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Pull the fries out of the oil ( I have an awesome little basket on a stick thing (pictured below) that works perfectly in this capacity). They will be limp and soggy and kinda gross. It's OK. Drain fries in a paper bag. Let them hang out for 5 minutes or so. The bag will reek gloriously of fries.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHXhj_f3BL22ctqQBl4pVvluU1j3-_1OBjezg2NbinC19nz6XCMvX-vVBgDBXjqDml2-194GtFu4XYm0WTB_OXsOURBqmZ5lKgFUYufOi-Tar4CYVmSyNrRLgx-t1jIrZDWsq6KmK5_SJc/s1600/_MG_9247.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHXhj_f3BL22ctqQBl4pVvluU1j3-_1OBjezg2NbinC19nz6XCMvX-vVBgDBXjqDml2-194GtFu4XYm0WTB_OXsOURBqmZ5lKgFUYufOi-Tar4CYVmSyNrRLgx-t1jIrZDWsq6KmK5_SJc/s400/_MG_9247.jpg" width="400" /></a>You're not done yet.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Dump the drained fries back into the oil & raise the heat to medium high. This will crisp them up. This takes about 5 minutes, but keep an eye out, because once they're cooked, they can burn quickly. They're ready when nearly all the fries are starting to brown. It won't kill you to test one either.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br />
When they're ready, pull them out, drain them & salt them while they're hot.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwdnl255yCa0BmPXJ3KWbUPF6hQFEZXiXl3_w0NLMULGsqI9K-un00InMuKIY52Yju1aN0HjAtItKdkIfXdVcEmI5w9QKZ3huU2DMnyc7fcO5apFozT63gX0Sqn9MxTiME-6-d2GCi4n8/s1600/_MG_9266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwdnl255yCa0BmPXJ3KWbUPF6hQFEZXiXl3_w0NLMULGsqI9K-un00InMuKIY52Yju1aN0HjAtItKdkIfXdVcEmI5w9QKZ3huU2DMnyc7fcO5apFozT63gX0Sqn9MxTiME-6-d2GCi4n8/s200/_MG_9266.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwdnl255yCa0BmPXJ3KWbUPF6hQFEZXiXl3_w0NLMULGsqI9K-un00InMuKIY52Yju1aN0HjAtItKdkIfXdVcEmI5w9QKZ3huU2DMnyc7fcO5apFozT63gX0Sqn9MxTiME-6-d2GCi4n8/s1600/_MG_9266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*even most of the brands of frozen fries are pretty good.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**now if only I knew how to crinkle cut, waffle cut or do whatever the fuck you do to make... a tater tot (gasp). Have you ever noticed that all tater tots are exactly the same? I think it has to do with the potato Illuminati.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***if you do come across a blog about lying, don't believe anything you read there.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-23762584810845205592012-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:002012-06-17T14:51:15.596-07:00tex benedict<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO8N11Pvb-JJiYgMVEb1kMEMtnZyWj6ysU43ReyMcahVKP7uviSNZUocM330-5pMwOT-zIDXzjo1-s9N183dGwQ0VO9wvszlLNfRAPeU9CmH3psrO3GW7hCty5mot7gTGMUzR3BK5-K6ir/s1600/_MG_9010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO8N11Pvb-JJiYgMVEb1kMEMtnZyWj6ysU43ReyMcahVKP7uviSNZUocM330-5pMwOT-zIDXzjo1-s9N183dGwQ0VO9wvszlLNfRAPeU9CmH3psrO3GW7hCty5mot7gTGMUzR3BK5-K6ir/s640/_MG_9010.jpg" width="504" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
I never make time for breakfast.<br />
<br />
Breakfast.<br />
<br />
The one between brunch & last night's dinner. It lasts until 10:30. I mean, I eat breakfast (a little <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/06/parfait.html">parfait</a> here, a little <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/peanut-butter-granola.html">granola</a> there, <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/waffles.html">waffles </a>in the toaster, <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/do-we-really-need-recipe-for-breakfast.html">breakfast tacos</a> in my mouth...). But I don't have a <i>real</i> one often enough. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
It's not that I don't have time. I have a shitload of time. Are you kidding? Machines and gadgets do almost everything for me, so I don't have to do any real work; it's ideal. *</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNtOnm1Nw2d1BGNkdQd0UvVj80qIZTKdtgC1QWjDLM0KA6jSbDs0vzuHg1opTDPNixQYF1Y_cz3mVCXHkp-PmQEitAzwRwJkeGPygYUsmZNklROHxygSnc1CNgXGCxjqTPaO9qDUCw5XX/s1600/_MG_9033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNtOnm1Nw2d1BGNkdQd0UvVj80qIZTKdtgC1QWjDLM0KA6jSbDs0vzuHg1opTDPNixQYF1Y_cz3mVCXHkp-PmQEitAzwRwJkeGPygYUsmZNklROHxygSnc1CNgXGCxjqTPaO9qDUCw5XX/s200/_MG_9033.jpg" width="194" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
And the stuff that the machines refuse to help with, I just have my servants do.** Like driving me around & typing this blog entry (asshole). I saw that. You're fired. Turn in your tuxedo and get the hell out of here.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
But despite my abundance of convenience based spare time, I rarely have a proper sit-down breakfast.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
When I do, it's exciting. And this was a good one. And filling. A take on eggs benedict, at least in the sense of stacking starch/meat/white sauce/poached egg. Represented here as tostada, breakfast hash, poblano cream, poached egg. A way-the-fuck out there re-imagining of eggs benedict, I guess.<br />
<br />
I licked the plate, smashed it on the ground in approval, had the staff pick up after me, tuck me into bed & then a solid 7 hour nap before polo in the evening. On youtube.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Note: I made this with a grilled corn relish in between the egg and hash. It was tasty, sweet from the corn & colorful. Also completely superfluous. I made it for something else and needed to get rid of it. It's an ear of grilled corn, a couple tbsp picante sauce and about a tbsp of cotija cheese.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib5Yc_rVL9cwvfwVRU6KSRlcerR4q8eVoI1VjQFkvi7_x1_0Lq4QEvzkjJx8LW3vPubxE1oj5dGJg4f3OoHqBl79E446WxjGnwRk_pOn0tdElcg0aFcGrK83he0oXd-32mQAbfGfVGegd1/s1600/_MG_8983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib5Yc_rVL9cwvfwVRU6KSRlcerR4q8eVoI1VjQFkvi7_x1_0Lq4QEvzkjJx8LW3vPubxE1oj5dGJg4f3OoHqBl79E446WxjGnwRk_pOn0tdElcg0aFcGrK83he0oXd-32mQAbfGfVGegd1/s200/_MG_8983.jpg" width="162" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuBLIKhnUefkEYglJ-2z0V6Usp1MLsuFTIH_6pXxhBWFhQ1_nXXD4QwtWS-UThVzyv5xNY78tLipiDvMEVAw0Vxo6jacXsnoVk4jsHXJX2Qo9xKcnBtBFbl65JT46AjT1Qtq-nIsa4fAXE/s1600/_MG_8996.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuBLIKhnUefkEYglJ-2z0V6Usp1MLsuFTIH_6pXxhBWFhQ1_nXXD4QwtWS-UThVzyv5xNY78tLipiDvMEVAw0Vxo6jacXsnoVk4jsHXJX2Qo9xKcnBtBFbl65JT46AjT1Qtq-nIsa4fAXE/s200/_MG_8996.jpg" width="162" /></a><br />
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Tex Benedict</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(1)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
for the tostada:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
2 tostadas from fiesta (which you have to re-heat in the oven) or 2 fried tortillas (fry a tortilla in 1/2 inch of oil until crispy, drain on paper towel, repeat)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
the hash:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1/4 lb breakfast sausage, crumbled</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 small potato</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 piece of bacon, cut into small pieces</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
about 1/8 of an onion. You heard me right, 1/8.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Tbsp bacon grease that you should be keeping in your fridge</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
spices: chili powder, cumin, mexican oregano</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
poblano cream (adapted from Steven Pyles Ancho Cream:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
grilled or roasted poblano</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
couple tbsp milk</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1/3 - 1/2 cup mexican sour cream or regular sour cream.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
In a skillet, cook the all of the hash ingredients on medium-ish until brown and cooked through. 15 minutes or so. Try not to flip it so much, so it'll get a nice crust. Also, bacon cooks s,lower, so nuking the pieces for 30 seconds, to give it a head start, is a good idea.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Blend the milk & poblano in a food processor*** until smooth. It takes a couple of minutes.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Press poblano-milk mixture through a fine strainer or sieve into the cream. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvkU2_ogaPV0ljYiKzLshW9DaMVrLBUs0uZacQ2FLQVea5oyb-s019Eo2Vms5KJkJ4wNbGaiBeJ3_PD4RcNo5AV06wt6GoVNPt4xMZIsCLt32BfTJYVXGem_O88zofJ4LJl79K_la-USw0/s1600/_MG_9023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvkU2_ogaPV0ljYiKzLshW9DaMVrLBUs0uZacQ2FLQVea5oyb-s019Eo2Vms5KJkJ4wNbGaiBeJ3_PD4RcNo5AV06wt6GoVNPt4xMZIsCLt32BfTJYVXGem_O88zofJ4LJl79K_la-USw0/s400/_MG_9023.jpg" width="336" /></a>Fold the milk & poblano mixture into the cream. The cream is runny & you want it to kinda stay that way-- mix it together gently, so you don't add more air to the mixture.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
When this is done and you have warmed tostadas, poach your egg.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Layer thusly: tostada, hash, poblano cream, tostada, hash, poblano cream, poached egg. Garnish as if it was your last day on earth. Go to town.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*They even keep me entertained 100% of the time I'm awake. Me bored -- the stimulus my mind gets when I'm bored as shit -- would have been the most exciting day in someone's life in the 1700's. I do not envy you, forefather.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**that's right: servants. It's like downton fuckin' abbey in my apartment.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***I have one of <a href="http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=377459&catid=185789&aid=338666&aparam=377459">these</a>, which changed my life.</div>aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-2483084662252286752012-06-13T21:03:00.000-07:002012-06-14T10:14:05.191-07:00tamales<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIgIzEZtMQU56liFih6oL41U8Y_kBDBJ49G6qoyufhArSkl07gPSe4mqoTTc41OMmqZB9nsgRISZJeMrDZ9LCNC5sQtkRlQ4L2Hiq7Z0tu9iPXvG1ZdQrYnweUxiEut4_wYcsYqVSmFS2v/s1600/_MG_8923.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIgIzEZtMQU56liFih6oL41U8Y_kBDBJ49G6qoyufhArSkl07gPSe4mqoTTc41OMmqZB9nsgRISZJeMrDZ9LCNC5sQtkRlQ4L2Hiq7Z0tu9iPXvG1ZdQrYnweUxiEut4_wYcsYqVSmFS2v/s640/_MG_8923.jpg" width="608" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
A tamale looks nothing like what the name sounded like to me as a kid.<br />
<br />
Same thing with sweet breads, Candlestick Park, and anyone with the name Carmen. I'm not entirely sure what I thought a tamale would look like based on name-sound alone, but the sound of "tamale" was exotic to me. Exotic in a "no way I'm eating that" 8 year old's kind of way. Like guacamole. "why the fuck*" kid me wondered "would would anybody eat guacamole? It looks weird, and <span style="font: 12px Helvetica;"><i>that name</i></span>..." ** Sight, smell, name, or just because-- I was a picky kid & nothing was going to stand in the way of me not trying new things. I could handle a lot-- baths, not being allowed to drive or make most of the family decisions, but not <i>progress.</i></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTBkMat7JYKhIlRggUbbTGgN_8vh6rAe4GSS7TTGlPbLquGIC2-oHUDBaaMBrZl_knzewm1nc7pMuzKPNdTExLJZtqOv7AIyzNfEDA96_nprW2MF45tTxeVVtBvOG54eocgFcVgMskg6i/s1600/_MG_8877.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTBkMat7JYKhIlRggUbbTGgN_8vh6rAe4GSS7TTGlPbLquGIC2-oHUDBaaMBrZl_knzewm1nc7pMuzKPNdTExLJZtqOv7AIyzNfEDA96_nprW2MF45tTxeVVtBvOG54eocgFcVgMskg6i/s320/_MG_8877.jpg" width="259" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br />
But with tamales it took a long time before I saw one & someone was like "no dummy, <i>that's</i> a tamale". I knew only that it sounded like more than I was up for. So when I finally really saw one, I was pissed off....</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: Helvetica; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Why didn't anybody tell me tamales looked like this? I'll eat that shit. They should really change the name to something that doesn't sound challenging to an eight year old's palate. This looks like a wet, shiny, meat & cornbread bar. That sounds good. Why didn't they call it that? I'm going to pull Bernadette's hair & blame it on someone else.</i></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: Helvetica; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: Helvetica; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>etc</i></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
What did I know? Children are dumb, everyone knows that.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Anyway, not to hyperbolize, but tamales are good. This was my first stab at making them, so I looked around & followed the basic concept <a href="http://www.joepastry.com/2012/making-masa-for-tamales/">here</a> . I was very happy with the result. Not pinche bad for a gringo.<br />
Oh and this is a sweet potato tamale. About that. Stay with me, weiners. The sweet potato flavor was mild and the texture was strictly tamale. No funny business (maybe second base). The sweet potato was a great ingredient, because I just mixed it into the tamale dough. In a meat or bean tamale, you've got separate layers to roll together. Easier. good.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
sweet potato tamales</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(8 or 10 large ones)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
corn husks</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/06/loaded-sweet-potato.html">sweet potato, cooked</a> & mixed with cumin, cinnamon, chili powder & mexican oregano</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 3/4 cup instant masa</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 cup hot water</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1/2 cup lard (don't use <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/06/truck-month-carnitas.html">lois</a> for this)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1 tsp baking powder</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1/2 cup chicken broth</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
salt</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
soak the corn husks in water for a few hours before you start your dough.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG0_RtFaIcgWRrsNzGHXQYKp4nyYyjPbvgqxD5yaidoLWwZaGqCljwG5z10I2CHFj1i7yiPdTKTdYHFYOPCaR9fckiZ-ZMDy6SsrQuJX5mMZO1CpQ7sUPL0GFpzWw-xoRcf5FPpdvOSov6/s1600/_MG_8839.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG0_RtFaIcgWRrsNzGHXQYKp4nyYyjPbvgqxD5yaidoLWwZaGqCljwG5z10I2CHFj1i7yiPdTKTdYHFYOPCaR9fckiZ-ZMDy6SsrQuJX5mMZO1CpQ7sUPL0GFpzWw-xoRcf5FPpdvOSov6/s200/_MG_8839.jpg" width="163" /></a><br />
play the waiting game, or better, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahtzee">yahtzee</a>. if you play yahtzee, you wanna get that 35 point upper bonus. trust me.<br />
<br />
pour the water in the masa in a bowl & mix it together until it gets the consistency of moist brown sugar.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
in another bowl, beat together the lard, baking powder & cooked sweet potato.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUyZ1B8n6WuVeqmNbf7zWa1hFPC5D-OMsBYcIaUfx8b7L4qxN1vLYk5GSLeEYzaYi3m2r7DnVA_jwkkbWdM0Cu5VW8j4YvBmDRa7fPzynlKvWQeBWYrQb1Gh1-EHLidHMSiFwT8R7xkZ0G/s1600/_MG_8848.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUyZ1B8n6WuVeqmNbf7zWa1hFPC5D-OMsBYcIaUfx8b7L4qxN1vLYk5GSLeEYzaYi3m2r7DnVA_jwkkbWdM0Cu5VW8j4YvBmDRa7fPzynlKvWQeBWYrQb1Gh1-EHLidHMSiFwT8R7xkZ0G/s200/_MG_8848.jpg" width="156" /></a></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
add the masa mixture, a bit at a time, to the sweet potato mixture.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
when the masa is fully mixed with the sweet potato mixture, add in the chicken stock and BEAT. go to town. you want to get some air into the mixture.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
when the mixture is light enough that a pinch will float in a glass of water, it's ready.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
spoon about 2 tbsp of the mixture onto a corn husk & <a href="http://bbq.about.com/od/specificdishes/ss/aa022407a_7.htm">roll up</a> the husk, folding in one end.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
stack the tamales on end in a steamer***</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
steam for 2 hours with the lid on. check it every 15 minutes & add more water if needed. it will be needed.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePcoubP1B5NIQhp440STy9HX60rSOHwHo-UsPBwRG5z_6bac8gU8SwCkNlWrQ1VGGeqftSbewq-U7t_HozyWgX2sg0IVa7iel-iOPdo2X2JbhjSuQQ5w13-txBnKEfjzZc7lDgR4W-vae/s1600/_MG_8867.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePcoubP1B5NIQhp440STy9HX60rSOHwHo-UsPBwRG5z_6bac8gU8SwCkNlWrQ1VGGeqftSbewq-U7t_HozyWgX2sg0IVa7iel-iOPdo2X2JbhjSuQQ5w13-txBnKEfjzZc7lDgR4W-vae/s400/_MG_8867.jpg" width="400" /></a>after two hours, take one out and check it. If it looks like canned pumpkin, put it back in and check in 15 minutes. repeat until you have a firmer texture that resembles, oh i don't know, a tamale. I had to do this a couple of times, so don't get discouraged-- you will lose your tamale virginity with grace. The end.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*yup, even as a kid I liked working the blue. Who knew kid me & adult me would have something in common? Small world.<br />
**Amazingly, it didn't taste like a cat's asshole when I finally tried it 15 years later.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Light'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***or as much on end as you can get them. I have a regular basket steamer, so it was hard to get them to not lay on one side. The result was that one side looked prettier than the other, but the texture and taste wasn't affected.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-73285162262338501112012-06-12T14:12:00.000-07:002012-09-04T20:51:47.879-07:00red beans and rice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12Dhakjc5q0EraDZwPNM66Ww_BibhFspfu_UaeJCkD1_YdGPgJt0KpYRbJvGKoK8vps0NIuHSL55TmXS79QRK_XlS7v47dprwsKbl8IboK31jBfMku6w4UC2K5zUhSaL_98kRj9PTy6-5/s1600/_MG_8821.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12Dhakjc5q0EraDZwPNM66Ww_BibhFspfu_UaeJCkD1_YdGPgJt0KpYRbJvGKoK8vps0NIuHSL55TmXS79QRK_XlS7v47dprwsKbl8IboK31jBfMku6w4UC2K5zUhSaL_98kRj9PTy6-5/s640/_MG_8821.jpg" width="536" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br />
Sometimes I make something & I'm about to eat & I go "oh shit, I have to put this on the blog!" And then I cobble something together. It's like thinking you're going to watch youtube videos in a t-shirt and no pants all night & then getting invited to try out the world's first actual-- <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.metronetiq.com/archives/jetpack/SilverJetpack.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.metronetiq.com/archives/2007/12/christmas_lette_7.html&h=768&w=1024&sz=73&tbnid=flJ_QIA1vtQ-8M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=120&zoom=1&usg=__Iv-jOYPf9CV3t5FLA0E36Vje3CM=&docid=7p6XL5NkpbhObM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=C6vXT8v7Nu-f6QHqs8iECQ&sqi=2&ved=0CIEBEPUBMAc&dur=620">like you always imagined it</a>-- rocket pack*. In one hour. And you need a tux. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Not to worry, I always wear a tux when I cook. And while I can't prove that wearing a tux will make you excel at creating this dish, I can't disprove it either. I never haven't donned a tux while making this dish. It's a comfort/sophistication thing. For the very same reason, I always wear swimming trunks under my clothes. Nothing's more uncomfortable than seeing a swimming pool & not being able to get in.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Red beans & rice is a creole classic, as well as a Caribbean favorite (where it's called rice & peas). This version, with the addition of the coconut milk, has more in common with Caribbean rice and peas & has been adapted over time from a recipe in "How to Make Everything" by the great <a href="http://markbittman.com/">Mark "Bobo" Bittman</a>. No one actually calls him that.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Note: the coconut milk in this dish made me think of thai curries, which is what made me think to use curry paste. Meatwise, Iitalian sausage, brats, spanish chorizo, bbq pork, carnitas, shrimp, rotisserie chicken, etc or certainly no meat at all, can be substituted here.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
kinda curried red beans and rice</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(good for about 36 hours worth)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8bKRgU5A_sGsCvlFui6HBlCUSNzHWwi6rbMt1B7tZ9BmONQAh67ll29l8eJ22tEca5QuPaWyBcKJaeiR7C1q_VjvTImI_NdzGaxvjnUMDCTy3osvCWqn4Yj5MMErURfW14BoktDAEZ93W/s1600/_MG_8862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8bKRgU5A_sGsCvlFui6HBlCUSNzHWwi6rbMt1B7tZ9BmONQAh67ll29l8eJ22tEca5QuPaWyBcKJaeiR7C1q_VjvTImI_NdzGaxvjnUMDCTy3osvCWqn4Yj5MMErURfW14BoktDAEZ93W/s320/_MG_8862.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">don't take my pic, i haven't done my face!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
for rice and beans:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
can of red beans, drained</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
can of coconut milk</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
cup of rice**, preferably wild rice*** or a wild rice mix.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
1tbsp red curry paste</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
juice of a lime</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
finely chopped cilantro for garnish</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
For meat:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
use whatever you want (see notes above)</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
I used spiced ground turkey, crumbled and cooked in a pan, with chopped onion, garlic & ginger & some turmeric to give it some color. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
add the wild rice, coconut milk and curry paste to a pot or skillet and bring to a boil. if you aren't doing meat, first fry some onions, garlic and ginger in the pot then add the aforementioned stuff. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
reduce heat to a low simmer, and cap. Let it go 20 minutes****.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
stir in drained red beans. if there is liquid left from cooking the rice, turn the heat up a little until it is absorbed.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
stir in lime juice, & cilantro (hint: use a shitload).</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
serve & top with cooked meat. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
*like you wouldn't compare your blog to a rocket pack. especially a reliable one. with a good warranty.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
**I used a 99c box of rice-a-roni wild rice mix. It had a "spice packet" that smelled like dehydrated feet. the rice was fine, but if you can get <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1441&bih=790&tbm=isch&tbnid=d7DeEdPL2syhpM:&imgrefurl=http://www.shopwell.com/rice-select-rice-blend-royal-blend/rice-other-grains/p/7440176041&docid=k0gCbrd6ToFp3M&imgurl=http://media.shopwell.com/gladson/00074401760412_full.jpg&w=195&h=273&ei=7a7XT5D2K8LY2gXO-6GfDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=187&vpy=316&dur=344&hovh=218&hovw=156&tx=110&ty=85&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=131&tbnw=94&start=0&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:0,i:102">Rice Select</a> or <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1441&bih=790&tbm=isch&tbnid=ZGbi5dKRce0k_M:&imgrefurl=http://www.amazon.com/Mahatma-Long-Grain-Wild-Rice/dp/B0001XIZM6&docid=Qon869qL1gyz5M&imgurl=http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31P9DMN1RQL._SL500_AA300_.jpg&w=300&h=300&ei=G6_XT6nvCsOM2gXrpumOCw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1185&vpy=142&dur=377&hovh=133&hovw=133&tx=150&ty=101&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=133&tbnw=133&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:0,i:93">Mahatma</a> brands, both are way better.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
***wild rice isn't actually rice. which probably explains why it's so good (rice kinda sucks)<br />
****you want the rice to absorb the liquid, rather than it evaporating, so keep the lid on</div>
aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-21529970816676042482012-06-07T16:38:00.000-07:002012-06-11T11:35:10.406-07:00comfort food (or food to listen to appetite for destruction to)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRPT7Ag1-xpavoIv4eF_EdkXl5UWL0AZRPiBPTE4CyG8ZfBFho2NO3ztrvgUirgnSXvCkLbrSaEXd0eYV_bo5oyDO61DzYUNi0xq34tivqTxN5Md0cXcd_3D6NsetK_WOWHf8CrVGA7fTC/s1600/_MG_8789.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRPT7Ag1-xpavoIv4eF_EdkXl5UWL0AZRPiBPTE4CyG8ZfBFho2NO3ztrvgUirgnSXvCkLbrSaEXd0eYV_bo5oyDO61DzYUNi0xq34tivqTxN5Md0cXcd_3D6NsetK_WOWHf8CrVGA7fTC/s640/_MG_8789.jpg" width="440" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i hope you like fried chicken and guns n' roses. read on.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
There are entries in our culinary lexicon, like <i>foodie</i> and <i>comfort food</i> that make me want to punch a baby penguin*. Foodie (cringe)? Really, you like food huh? Cool. I'm really big into breathing air. That's my thing: air. A need isn't a hobby. That's just being lazy (also not a hobby). And comfort food? Comfortable how? Comfortable like farting in front of your significant other? Comfortable like <a href="http://stevemasonsmog.typepad.com/710_espns_smog_steve_maso/2007/09/wade-boggs-can-.html">wade boggs settling in for a cross country flight</a>? I don't need my food adjectives to evoke belucosity or the ballplayers of my youth tying one on**. Nevermind that comfort food is actually <i>the</i> gateway to discomfort (who doesn't overdo it?), it just sounds weird to me. Like calling food "fun". Why would you need to eat fun? You don't go to a picture show because you're hungry. And your stomach doesn't go "look, I'm really empty here and everything, but could you play that <i>shake your ass</i> song by Mystikal? I'm just looking for a good time." Dumb.<br />
<br />
Whatever. That said, comfort food totally rules.<br />
<br />
Yes, the term is a little twee***. It's also evocative & I get it. I'm thinking warm, filling, not-too-challenging to the palate stuff. Kids' stuff. Stuff that takes you back. Like <i>Appetite for Destruction </i>or whatever album you grew up on. Yes indeed, <i>Appetite</i> is the comfort food of sounds (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chronic">honorable mention</a>) & not a certain <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%22The_Spaghetti_Incident%3F%22">later GnR offering</a>.****<br />
<br />
In fact, where are you Weird Al? <i>Appetite</i> lays the perfect framework for a concept food parody album (<i>appetite for consumption</i>?):<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGmU2AkK98VtRnSzRRozWekJEwdC5HVVQ4vq-D38nhDf2RnS4vRVsI80l1vnKEBeXME0HKHyv6dwsBFlBimq8GMFN_rvnQRAhWMKKosPs8GE-tSWwrXKy6nmZo0ENGapG-Y7-SY9SRe1T6/s1600/_MG_8678.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGmU2AkK98VtRnSzRRozWekJEwdC5HVVQ4vq-D38nhDf2RnS4vRVsI80l1vnKEBeXME0HKHyv6dwsBFlBimq8GMFN_rvnQRAhWMKKosPs8GE-tSWwrXKy6nmZo0ENGapG-Y7-SY9SRe1T6/s320/_MG_8678.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">maybe it's just the knife, but i'm comforted</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Welcome to the Jungle-- Welcome to My Mouth Hole<br />
<br />
Out to Get Me-- Out to Get Beef<br />
<br />
Mr Brownstone-- Mr Brown..fuck...uhhh... pone… I don't know. Work in progress.<br />
<br />
Think About You--Think About Food<br />
<br />
Rocket Queen-- Refried Bean<br />
(<i>here's a haaaaam/and you're a refried bean/ooooh yeeeaaah…</i>)<br />
<br />
This stuff practically writes itself. Anyway, here's some food so comfortable you'll swear there's a Barcalounger in your mouth.<br />
<br />
Notes: this is a bit of a rerun, as I already covered <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/fried-chicken.html">fried chicken</a>. Ignore the old recipe. This is far far superior & I will always do it this way from now on. The combination of the buttermilk marinade & spiking the flour mixture with a bit of corn starch (thank you <a href="http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Korean-Fried-Chicken">korean fried chicken</a> for giving me that idea) gives the chicken a perfect, crispy, slightly crunchy crust. Plus pan frying in the cast iron is simple. Lastly, I had steamed broccoli and mac 'n' cheese with this. I can't do MnC better than <a href="http://www.facebook.com/kraftmacaroniandcheese">the stuff from the box</a>, so no recipe there. And the broccoli... steam it for 10 minutes. chop it up. end of recipe. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihAc5gkBMPZcouLOvAOJmZOZYkkW50wnN1zD5jQLaosvo9TNwRuRw05WSWx77yeTRVLpu0d6MD5s3WDKKenYTaAdnmEJSThbv743D0hwJwn9tvVs1HMcJaB6IUXEqHZUYmOce9zrVGpBEM/s1600/_MG_8665.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br />
Pan fried chicken <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja5_DucrD2FYJ82TYNHx41QB8UoQEOXcOWLGOpPw-6ThkqteRcBMQQrVlOwPMZvnEshN1rl_cigZoShNMujO63xIrQKHlN016j6e1sn-Gj_FdHp5uKRV0o_WkdfxMbX2kfjoOrirTiO8_P/s1600/_MG_8768+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja5_DucrD2FYJ82TYNHx41QB8UoQEOXcOWLGOpPw-6ThkqteRcBMQQrVlOwPMZvnEshN1rl_cigZoShNMujO63xIrQKHlN016j6e1sn-Gj_FdHp5uKRV0o_WkdfxMbX2kfjoOrirTiO8_P/s320/_MG_8768+copy.jpg" width="266" /></a>(so comforting I ate it all. It's the equivalent of 10 chicken wings)<br />
<br />
5 chicken wings (not the <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1357&bih=776&tbm=isch&tbnid=hA4BXsyGpI_sWM:&imgrefurl=http://zestycook.com/chicken-wings/&docid=vua8KhDupbW2lM&imgurl=http://zestycook.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/wings.jpg&w=586&h=376&ei=zjjRT6SHC4S49QTGn5lQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=703&vpy=484&dur=1600&hovh=180&hovw=280&tx=145&ty=112&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=115&tbnw=179&start=0&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:22,s:0,i:187">"wing"</a> and <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1357&bih=776&tbm=isch&tbnid=f4xs1tp8gVNJdM:&imgrefurl=http://leezyoutloud.blogspot.com/&docid=7QAkMtUSPb4gnM&imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbOkJJcJ67zyCKKeHa9PR1ezrjewB1Oc_UxJWC8aMeA9F6GB378SQqKKgmU4p8BBq-D1wweVbd7dZiDDiM7OfM3nW6DpgWTw2QQbXfPci0UdBS8VKekYEfW5QHwci_S5GLNNTItjaPhwf7/s320/drumette.jpg&w=200&h=131&ei=6zjRT63rLYOC8QTJ9_WtAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=345&vpy=362&dur=540&hovh=104&hovw=160&tx=80&ty=52&sig=100041353326228658032&page=2&tbnh=104&tbnw=160&start=24&ndsp=31&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:24,i:194">drumette</a>, the <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i01.i.aliimg.com/photo/v0/116084199/whole_chicken_wing.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.alibaba.com/product-tp/116084199/whole_chicken_wing.html&h=600&w=800&sz=27&tbnid=YBasah3JcFqg7M:&tbnh=94&tbnw=125&zoom=1&usg=__77ec_w146aZT4zINETyQEG6dTFQ=&docid=Xvv6RDqEPxagLM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=EDnRT4SNDoGk8ASX9KFN&ved=0CIQBEPUBMAM&dur=503">full-on wingage</a>)*****<br />
1 cup flour<br />
1/4 cup corn starch<br />
Oil for frying<br />
<br />
for marinade:<br />
1/2 pint buttermilk<br />
seasoning (I used cumin, paprika, garlic powder)<br />
3 tbsp soy sauce<br />
1 tbsp hot sauce or to taste<br />
<br />
<br />
mix together the marinade ingredients. pour marinade in a freezer bag with the chicken and toss to coat the chicken. refrigerate several hours.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihAc5gkBMPZcouLOvAOJmZOZYkkW50wnN1zD5jQLaosvo9TNwRuRw05WSWx77yeTRVLpu0d6MD5s3WDKKenYTaAdnmEJSThbv743D0hwJwn9tvVs1HMcJaB6IUXEqHZUYmOce9zrVGpBEM/s1600/_MG_8665.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihAc5gkBMPZcouLOvAOJmZOZYkkW50wnN1zD5jQLaosvo9TNwRuRw05WSWx77yeTRVLpu0d6MD5s3WDKKenYTaAdnmEJSThbv743D0hwJwn9tvVs1HMcJaB6IUXEqHZUYmOce9zrVGpBEM/s200/_MG_8665.jpg" width="139" /></a>stare vacuously at the ground.<br />
<br />
mix the corn starch and flour in a bowl. take the chicken pieces out of the marinade, shaking excess off, & drop them in the bowl. toss to coat.<br />
<br />
let the chicken stay out until it gets kind of a gluey sticky exterior. this is the buttermilk bonding with the flour & starch & is what's going to give you that great crust.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYg6mSRJmjy3iqzcNRKRpOiWPAB9OhpPPM1qdaStFrFNLVxE9Vd9waomLQ43sBYRl-2safV_C-a1IuKYVM3kUdO7J1vfkDC7ZuXpOGZAbQWHTTGfvRWsNq2e8zPCa0cBlpRBUS9TeXAkNz/s1600/_MG_8706.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYg6mSRJmjy3iqzcNRKRpOiWPAB9OhpPPM1qdaStFrFNLVxE9Vd9waomLQ43sBYRl-2safV_C-a1IuKYVM3kUdO7J1vfkDC7ZuXpOGZAbQWHTTGfvRWsNq2e8zPCa0cBlpRBUS9TeXAkNz/s200/_MG_8706.jpg" width="184" /></a>pour oil about half way up in a cast iron skillet & heat it to about medium, maybe a little less. do it slowly. If you get cast iron too hot, you'll have smoking oil and a pan that wants to stay too hot.<br />
<br />
fry the pieces for about 20 minutes, flipping and rotating once, midway through. they should be brown and basically cooked through.<br />
<br />
turn the heat to med-hi. fry 3-5 more minutes, flipping the pieces. This is just to get them super crispy. they'll look browner after being out of the oil a few minutes, so don't overdo it.<br />
<br />
drain on paper towels, dust with salt, let the pieces rest a few minutes & enjoy. <br />
<br />
<br />
*not really. I usually think seafaring birds are bullshit (Because they are. What are you doing? Ever heard "it's for the birds"? They're not talking about swimming.), but come on…. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqKzHSjQqnc">look at these little bastards</a>! I might even smuggle one home from a a zoo, only to realize later that raising a penguin is harder, less sitcom-ish than I thought & then abandon it in a field where it will be free.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOKpstt3gaY9bHPGA3IicTGdjMhWzV4vB1uzOkBEVKI4DDEvx6ABVgE7_w7yfkC1c0Nr6Iqb9PZeSssn4ZLGDtQ32T2f9F9sKcKKMiNKt8rIYpa2GJF0pJ87xcNft1ccKFm87atAJw_Xto/s1600/_MG_8741.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOKpstt3gaY9bHPGA3IicTGdjMhWzV4vB1uzOkBEVKI4DDEvx6ABVgE7_w7yfkC1c0Nr6Iqb9PZeSssn4ZLGDtQ32T2f9F9sKcKKMiNKt8rIYpa2GJF0pJ87xcNft1ccKFm87atAJw_Xto/s400/_MG_8741.jpg" width="295" /></a>**but I do like <a href="http://drunkathlete.com/2012/02/03/wade-boggs-wedding-crasher/">wade boggs getting hammered memes</a>. also, Boggsy is purported to have <a href="http://www.mensfitness.com/leisure/sports/10-most-superstitious-athletes">eaten fried chicken before every game</a>. No wonder he's in the Hall of Fame!<br />
***kinda like the term "twee". I had to do the right thing and punch myself in the stomach after I wrote that.<br />
****it's sure as fuck not <i>Chinese Democracy</i>. You took it too far Axl, <a href="http://scrapetv.com/News/newsbrief/entertainment/pages-1/Axl-Rose-puts-on-enough-weight-to-become-the-whole-band-2011-10-07.html">especially when you ate Van Morrison and took to wearing his skin as a raincoat</a>.<br />
*****keeping the wing whole allows you to have sort of a chicken wing kebab. The chicken's wing provides the familiar drumette & "wing" you get with buffalo wings. This simply keeps it in tact, plus the wing tip acts as a little fried handle.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-15793721351028414452012-06-04T17:20:00.000-07:002012-06-18T17:35:15.458-07:00truck month carnitas<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwtXzaD5dY4gUv4ap6bz_pFHk66G7cdyiXcsXIJ8rkS89tSYR4nuVCfW1GSLhBlqScI68EUJfq5ljT3F9kzUnnH2jikiEewLIWoWfxBQSTyc1bHlbActB5CKQYaT8rzzNew8ZlWzmAlM0m/s1600/_MG_8592.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwtXzaD5dY4gUv4ap6bz_pFHk66G7cdyiXcsXIJ8rkS89tSYR4nuVCfW1GSLhBlqScI68EUJfq5ljT3F9kzUnnH2jikiEewLIWoWfxBQSTyc1bHlbActB5CKQYaT8rzzNew8ZlWzmAlM0m/s640/_MG_8592.jpg" width="462" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">what's it gonna take to get you into a pile of carnitas today?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Bottom line: June is <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/catrocketship/im-confused-is-it-truck-month-scottrocket-16j2">Truck Month</a> in Texas, or so the TV tells me. Constantly. Truck Month is a traditional & festive time at one's local ford, chevy or dodge dealer. <a href="http://www.wishbonegraphics.com/planoprofile/content/highprofile/gilliam.asp">The dude from blazing saddles</a> is there. It's a magical, magical, limited-time only season.<br />
<br />
I love the truck holidays.<br />
<br />
Were you good this year? Yeah? Then enjoy the best payload* in class in your stocking. Unwrap a crew cab. Decorate your shrub (it'a shrub for truck month) with very low APR. Have a new car smell flavored gin cocktail. And never forget the true meaning of truck month: hurrying to get yourself a good deal on a full size pickup before the savings on model year end close outs is history. <br />
<br />
Obviously Truck Month is important, so I wanted to ring in the Season with savings! Er, with deliciousness. I give you the national dish of Truck Month. Carnitas. <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoD_4xp-f9zDgxOvxozeb0SseFjmYQm_0w1NPYKYG2ioQwu-ARYdLggVXCl5roZ6ptyqtM95E-6TjG1qSkZ1bQKIjfM0U8J2DoJGO6y0QsdBPqzpk9mZXazNYV57y0F9oPQzLbq7rnjORB/s1600/_MG_8607.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoD_4xp-f9zDgxOvxozeb0SseFjmYQm_0w1NPYKYG2ioQwu-ARYdLggVXCl5roZ6ptyqtM95E-6TjG1qSkZ1bQKIjfM0U8J2DoJGO6y0QsdBPqzpk9mZXazNYV57y0F9oPQzLbq7rnjORB/s320/_MG_8607.jpg" width="254" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i accept the responsibility, taco gods</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I bitched a while back about <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/tacos-al-pastor.html">taquerias serving up bad carnitas</a>. Don't ruin truck month by making me talk about it again. This is how to not make them bad. It's a pretty simple pork shoulder confit. What's a confit, you pompous douche, you ask? In olden (pre-refrigeration) times it was a preservation method whereby meat (or whatever) was cooked in rendered fat, then allowed to cool in said fat. The fat congealed, got covered in cloth & the contents were preserved inside soooo much cooled, rendered fat, like <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/han-solo-carbonite-image.jpg&imgrefurl=http://collider.com/han-solo-carbonite-iphone-case/155961/&h=363&w=454&sz=24&tbnid=qnOjz5TKa6T30M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=113&zoom=1&usg=__lYmJRjy4hvEP6UKj2wIX9wR9Wc0=&docid=RT3Ma9RGVK8IvM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=jEjNT42vEaX62AWD9PyUAw&sqi=2&ved=0CGYQ9QEwAA&dur=538">Han Solo in carbonite</a>. Nowadays obviously, a refrigerator stands in nicely for the old (whatever they used to store it in) of fat, so what you're left with is the cooking method. Essentially: simmering something immersed in hot fat. A slow deep fry.**<br />
<br />
Before you start bitching about your arteries, it's not as bad as it sounds. There's no breading; no fat is being absorbed by the meat. Pork shoulder is naturally fatty, but a confit of pork is no fattier than braised pork. It also keeps the meat more moist, because... fuck it, <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/2010/07/the-food-lab-how-to-make-crisp-and-juicy-carnitas-without-a-bucket-of-lard.html">somebody else explain</a>...<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5uBEhKJnwyLao1IPak88GCHRLo8AMuobhGfg1PzQkM_E480kxj7L4z8BV-qJCkTvCix6CGPFLWIUdfGG-Gu-EOE75akW18LNV3aJW3llychyphenhyphenbMYiLZfdXA_h3k5ZDshOg2OLrayOkeAAd/s1600/_MG_8514.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5uBEhKJnwyLao1IPak88GCHRLo8AMuobhGfg1PzQkM_E480kxj7L4z8BV-qJCkTvCix6CGPFLWIUdfGG-Gu-EOE75akW18LNV3aJW3llychyphenhyphenbMYiLZfdXA_h3k5ZDshOg2OLrayOkeAAd/s200/_MG_8514.jpg" width="111" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">meet lois, your new bff</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If you're gonna start confiting, you're gonna want to start keeping a bucket of lard in your fridge. Reusing lard adds flavor. I know what you're thinking: a bucket of lard in my fridge? C'mon guy, isn't that disgusting and weird? Relax. And don't call me guy. It's not what it sounds like. Its actually a <i>tupperware</i> filled with lard. Totally different. Stick it in the back of the fridge and don't think about it. Or try giving your lard a name, like Lois, to humanize it, so you stop judging it. And if Lois gets nasty and has to go away, invest in Lois 2. You have to get over the lard thing if you want to make this. <br />
<br />
Trust me: do it.<br />
<br />
Make these carnitas and then maybe head out to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. Bring 'em some. Let them know you appreciate what they do. While you're there, if you wanna take a look at some serious savings on Tacomas & Tundras... hey, all the better. Happy Truck Month, everyone.<br />
<br />
truck month carnitas<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbVGkvFBQMYDtiR0O3jmHeIMvx6Uo7SGkMYEJha4Pr2vfRCmrYy9duEX-R5nwO66DCHAx_Ia6OuxcD3-u814tDY-o-ADc6Dwd__Ei_8zeSS_JSOFJKHncZcVN6KBCCMks2by_q1jf1YggK/s1600/_MG_8559.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbVGkvFBQMYDtiR0O3jmHeIMvx6Uo7SGkMYEJha4Pr2vfRCmrYy9duEX-R5nwO66DCHAx_Ia6OuxcD3-u814tDY-o-ADc6Dwd__Ei_8zeSS_JSOFJKHncZcVN6KBCCMks2by_q1jf1YggK/s200/_MG_8559.jpg" width="182" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pork is for lovers</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
(servings vary. it goes quickly)<br />
<br />
gotsa have:<br />
<br />
2 lb pork shoulder, cut into 2 squarish chunks<br />
salt, pepper, cumin<br />
zest or peel of a navel orange (that's the size you're going for but any type of orange is ok)<br />
lard. <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&biw=1357&bih=776&tbm=isch&tbnid=kUM6NRo19-9HrM:&imgrefurl=http://www.amazon.com/Armour-Star-Lard-4-Pound-Pack/dp/B003VB6ETQ&docid=u7yghv0HhINjvM&imgurl=http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/21hE-RYXdvL._SL500_AA300_PIbundle-3,TopRight,0,0_AA300_SH20_.jpg&w=300&h=300&ei=l0vNT4KNN6Xa2QX2-oX0Ag&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1093&vpy=290&dur=2917&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=157&ty=167&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=143&tbnw=169&start=0&ndsp=27&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:0,i:99">4lb bucket of lard</a> (you only need half, don't be a pussy). you'll know when you see it, because it's in a damn bucket<br />
a sweet catch phrase-- I suggest "<a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/124974/saturday-night-live-sports-center-ray-romano">sweet sassy molassey</a>"<br />
<br />
bring the lard up to about medium heat. i like to spike mine with some bacon grease too***<br />
<br />
dust your pork chunks with salt, pepper & cumin (or whatever you like if you wanna not copy me). press it in there to help get a crust.<br />
<br />
drop the pork chunks and orange peel into the lard and reduce the heat to low to med-low. you want a lazy lazy simmer.<br />
<br />
(catch phrase)<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFmNd0IwiAaRD8zi8FeOsZfKbkECjpd1wp69aBGNzW05061V5pmZo3gCmT9pQjQRJpu3hb3u7S4aqe45yqxOuYA2VtXdrYjeBby41kFUX8VJlkkMYoqhvXxOHkrU8P4QaDrOFNgsR-F4qU/s1600/_MG_8582.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFmNd0IwiAaRD8zi8FeOsZfKbkECjpd1wp69aBGNzW05061V5pmZo3gCmT9pQjQRJpu3hb3u7S4aqe45yqxOuYA2VtXdrYjeBby41kFUX8VJlkkMYoqhvXxOHkrU8P4QaDrOFNgsR-F4qU/s200/_MG_8582.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">burn in heaven carnitas</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
let it go about 2 hours (maybe 2.5), turning every hour if the pork pieces are not quite covered (cover them as much as possible). they should have some give, but not be jiggly yet. when you get that par-jiggle, crank the heat to med-hi, until you get a nice brown crust (20 minutes or so). the pork should now have a little wiggle to it (catch phrase).<br />
<br />
take the pork out & let it drain and rest (it's had a long day) for a bit, at least 15 minutes. should be up near 180-190 internally.<br />
<br />
time's up? (catch phrase)**** whack it to pieces with a big knife. <br />
<br />
If you've done it right, you'll have this rich, juicy pulled pork/cripsy bits/fleshy bites hybrid. With a little orange hint. Good luck not grabbing a handful off the top and shoving it into your mouth. Suffice it to say, it's a gift from the taco gods.<br />
<br />
Random pic of my brother's mustache:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmnIZ4QgvQzM7xY4QTQPi8101pJldFTBvyQDIIg0nLs5yPe-gN9jwDps-FshfnQ0hPQgI-_Vpno3dal2oGHvZNQM49RflHelg2LV-K6C2pa1yoeCOkTq-8WR1tFovUHzwjW3jIiBi1p2Yi/s1600/_MG_8621.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmnIZ4QgvQzM7xY4QTQPi8101pJldFTBvyQDIIg0nLs5yPe-gN9jwDps-FshfnQ0hPQgI-_Vpno3dal2oGHvZNQM49RflHelg2LV-K6C2pa1yoeCOkTq-8WR1tFovUHzwjW3jIiBi1p2Yi/s320/_MG_8621.jpg" width="277" /></a></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzlvmv1Ix6OTS-de0jHKLb12yU7lsCq6mNNzjf9X0PcrNjJldFPa3aPD1Sk-JCL9TmZ_eRJToa9vhpwoVf4osAVqtDOaeV1vq2ZPxM_pf1dHpcP_4UTAKavtIS9ESyldk98EIF7bsYDHBf/s1600/_MG_8628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzlvmv1Ix6OTS-de0jHKLb12yU7lsCq6mNNzjf9X0PcrNjJldFPa3aPD1Sk-JCL9TmZ_eRJToa9vhpwoVf4osAVqtDOaeV1vq2ZPxM_pf1dHpcP_4UTAKavtIS9ESyldk98EIF7bsYDHBf/s200/_MG_8628.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">another taco pic. add it to the pile.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And scene.<br />
<br />
*payload? what the fuck is payload supposed to be and how are we supposed to not think it sounds porno-ey?<br />
**you can still, like the traditional method, cool the meat inside the cooking fat. some people say this method is best, that it adds flavor. it doesn't, but suit yourself. its not gonna hurt.<br />
***yup, vat o' lard in the fridge, bacon grease in the freezer, virginia ham next to my fax machine: the pig essentials<br />
****you overdid it with the catch phrase. you're just... you're over selling it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJna5eHkwYF0AOzPFeoHYntcp5x7H2CkbCtb5M-nJVVKfpimgWCDp5vjGuc-rxvfDBFRXxEZSbmaroMGx6dHSvaUqvq1wMPvDd1mme6g6Ry_IC_pNDYEVObZOnK-yKTcZ_WNFEd9QTffuY/s1600/_MG_8603.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJna5eHkwYF0AOzPFeoHYntcp5x7H2CkbCtb5M-nJVVKfpimgWCDp5vjGuc-rxvfDBFRXxEZSbmaroMGx6dHSvaUqvq1wMPvDd1mme6g6Ry_IC_pNDYEVObZOnK-yKTcZ_WNFEd9QTffuY/s640/_MG_8603.jpg" width="518" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i wish every month was truck month. oh snap. it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-42227979119574901522012-06-04T16:33:00.003-07:002012-06-07T10:15:38.080-07:00tiny stacked enchilada<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xxLs_BjCEVGZW2__iZyofK_yQOJ8CIBf7IEVnXupSOXR-8njvUlLpHjhV096oJCK4TxJOjWdxy5GrSzs_wJmSIK87ExJxH4sG8cgv2Nme1ajLOrD28uziJ8OBmXqPMFENj1rTmB3irkS/s1600/_MG_8664.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xxLs_BjCEVGZW2__iZyofK_yQOJ8CIBf7IEVnXupSOXR-8njvUlLpHjhV096oJCK4TxJOjWdxy5GrSzs_wJmSIK87ExJxH4sG8cgv2Nme1ajLOrD28uziJ8OBmXqPMFENj1rTmB3irkS/s640/_MG_8664.jpg" width="530" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">tiny stacked enchilada: food :: cat videos: real life</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I'm too old for a midnight snack. People in their thirties can't just get wasted, pound some whataburger at 3am, wake up on a half eaten <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.24-7pressrelease.com/attachments/013/press_release_distribution_0130063_18786.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.24-7pressrelease.com/press-release/99-cent-taquito-returns-130063.php&h=768&w=1024&sz=62&tbnid=bYMSDNVFbZvGUM:&tbnh=119&tbnw=158&zoom=1&usg=__zrqDcnhxW__tsymtSm3ZrviyYQU=&docid=JaVNXSYPNlR5oM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=xEHNT73aLKPi2gXX1vzHAw&ved=0CHcQ9QEwBQ&dur=10">taquito</a> for a pillow & it's wrapper for a blankey & then expect to function. We'd wake up with the taste of shame for an enemy & heartburn for a best friend. Besides, we've got having a job & not being a red nosed drunk to think about.<br />
<br />
I do however enjoy making things on a whim super late at night, right before bed (ok fine. at 10:30). And then not eating them until lunch the next day on account of the heartburn. This is one of those. It's also enchiladas, which <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/pincheladas.html">as I discussed before</a>, I don't really like. Why are you making something you don't like, you ask? Get your own blog dingleberry. I had boredom, I had an idea…<br />
<br />
This is a miniature, single serving take on <a href="http://foodwhirl.com/mains-sides/new-mexico-red-chile-cheese-enchiladas">New Mexico style</a> (stacked, although sans fried egg on top) enchiladas. They're shaped like Texas, because lets face it, <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1357&bih=776&tbm=isch&tbnid=YNMipEHI403h8M:&imgrefurl=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Waffle_iron_in_shape_of_Texas.JPG&docid=puddnetUsHyhUM&imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bb/Waffle_iron_in_shape_of_Texas.JPG&w=606&h=581&ei=XkLNT-DtCITy2gXrncGPAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=827&vpy=273&dur=1053&hovh=220&hovw=229&tx=148&ty=111&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=125&tbnw=132&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:18,s:0,i:126">the shape of Texas</a> is waaaaay cooler than <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1357&bih=776&tbm=isch&tbnid=Tnci15a0fBCHBM:&imgrefurl=http://www.123rf.com/photo_1858083_warning-sign-in-shape-of-new-mexico-on-blue-illustration.html&docid=xJoZCr0nfFUd4M&imgurl=http://us.123rf.com/400wm/103/227/fintastique/fintastique0710/fintastique071000062/1858083-warning-sign-in-shape-of-new-mexico-on-blue-illustration.jpg&w=400&h=300&ei=lULNT5GeM6nA2gW_5dngAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=187&vpy=152&dur=644&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=116&ty=89&sig=100041353326228658032&page=1&tbnh=139&tbnw=193&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:74">the shape of new New Mexico</a>* & because I have a <a href="http://www.surlatable.com/product/PRO-226381/?affsrcid=Aff0001&mr:trackingCode=91B9C41A-6BA4-DE11-93DB-0019B9C043EB&mr:referralID=NA&origin=pla&mr:adType=pla&mr:ad=13512388421&mr:keyword=%7Bkeyword%7D">Texas shaped cookie cutter</a> from Sur la Table (fuck off). <br />
<br />
You could also make this as a regular casserole. It's like enchilada lasagna. Just don't cut the tortillas to resemble New Mexico or everybody will think you're an asshole.<br />
<br />
tiny stacked enchilada<br />
(or make it regular size and invent a shrinking gun)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakmjCnT1kOuZctxmScCa8GSfbxNiNAyfrVl7F0RBGvT9wCU9LOO4C_kw5TSLKIygX5_1LD_bzMfqPbi2x4rT4Wg6DXX5m4Y3D0shEClqZSHh3Aut8fAJat8AX22T4cyKJBOkwgztrEvd2/s1600/_MG_8640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakmjCnT1kOuZctxmScCa8GSfbxNiNAyfrVl7F0RBGvT9wCU9LOO4C_kw5TSLKIygX5_1LD_bzMfqPbi2x4rT4Wg6DXX5m4Y3D0shEClqZSHh3Aut8fAJat8AX22T4cyKJBOkwgztrEvd2/s200/_MG_8640.jpg" width="188" /></a></div>
<br />
here goes:<br />
2 corn tortillas<br />
shredded cheddar jack cheese<br />
canned enchilada sauce (look for chilies as the first ingredient)<br />
<a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/leftovers.html">leftover</a> meat, i used carnitas (sub additoonal cheese if desired)<br />
<br />
Preheat oven to 400<br />
<br />
empty enchilada sauce into a bowl.<br />
<br />
cut your tortillas with cookie cutter to get 6 little texas tortillas.<br />
<br />
spread a spoonful of enchilada sauce onto the bottom of your cooking vessel.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho0K1Axx5UEaIu29D7hGkqG3Q6RbyE2nxxklYWzCyy4Qd32GusqG4_yOVrTJQbvUADIi-5PdgvLEn2s-wn8zl3ffVmccjXJTePqSVtCFtdH-5KRvdXAfeQFMNZmIcfgICDszt1lycZYzxZ/s1600/_MG_8642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho0K1Axx5UEaIu29D7hGkqG3Q6RbyE2nxxklYWzCyy4Qd32GusqG4_yOVrTJQbvUADIi-5PdgvLEn2s-wn8zl3ffVmccjXJTePqSVtCFtdH-5KRvdXAfeQFMNZmIcfgICDszt1lycZYzxZ/s200/_MG_8642.jpg" width="171" /></a>you're going to dip each piece of tortilla into the sauce, covering it in sauce, and then layer: saucy tortilla, cheese, saucy tortilla, meat, saucy tortilla, cheese. repeat. top with extra cheese and sauce as desired.<br />
<br />
bake about 10-15 minutes. everything here is already cooked, so you're just getting it warm & melting the cheese.<br />
<br />
I garnished with cotija, cilantro, a grilled chili slice & additional enchilada sauce. Plus some of this addictive-ass green hot sauce that I horde when I go to the <a href="http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/cityofate/2012/03/tacos_la_banquetas_deliciousne.php">greatest taqueria on the planet</a>. Then I froze the unused enchilada sauce.<br />
<br />
You're showing me something, stacked enchilada. I still think your cousin, regular enchilada, is a grody tramp though. You must be adopted.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_EQJI8BflnBS90OMC7hzhfQebo17vabgT4On7vE5nAplgaj7LwB1IAeCphMk1pp9K72E7LVSKJB2H9dClo5fVHg6upQATPn8ckwxd1tl0ATdjDaHOPX5JDPS9SSw_6vJBBf7QS33BFkb/s1600/_MG_8663.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_EQJI8BflnBS90OMC7hzhfQebo17vabgT4On7vE5nAplgaj7LwB1IAeCphMk1pp9K72E7LVSKJB2H9dClo5fVHg6upQATPn8ckwxd1tl0ATdjDaHOPX5JDPS9SSw_6vJBBf7QS33BFkb/s400/_MG_8663.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">martha stewart taught me this when we were in prison together</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
*I've got mad love for you New Mexico, but your shape looks like fat square Alabama or upside down Utah. In fact, let's all take a second to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG-95EnXAm8&feature=related">laugh at the shape of New Mexico</a>. There, I feel better.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-55598424070671446422012-06-04T14:58:00.000-07:002012-06-05T18:49:21.400-07:00loaded sweet potato<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvwBOxq25g9Qsyy21MIbOyGsP-FqpSb4nkPIbHFVsnwxChcAHuog9vGqJ1CY2pZvVWXiWFadAsR_QG23xmMtD3zLf-wBlQRZxZyiTvjDDHFbBuXvGO_50MAcuW8h30rXl0pW9orkI14BVF/s1600/_MG_8494.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvwBOxq25g9Qsyy21MIbOyGsP-FqpSb4nkPIbHFVsnwxChcAHuog9vGqJ1CY2pZvVWXiWFadAsR_QG23xmMtD3zLf-wBlQRZxZyiTvjDDHFbBuXvGO_50MAcuW8h30rXl0pW9orkI14BVF/s400/_MG_8494.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Sweet potatoes, I'm learning, are a bit of an acquired taste. Maybe it's that a lot of people's exposure to sweet potatoes started with that <a href="https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=holiday+sweet+potato+casserole&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1357&bih=776&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=5ybNT4n-I4jY2AXYis2lAg">marshmallow topped casserole</a> from the thanksgivings of our youth. And that was it, until scientists discovered sweet potato fries 7 or 8 years ago and then big sweet potato started pushing them on restaurants.*<br />
<br />
If you went to someone's house and they served that godawful awful slop any day but thanksgiving, you would assume that aliens had come down and inhabited the bodies of your friends. That would be the one element that tipped you off. Something's not right here. No human would do that. Then you'd have to act like you didn't know that they were aliens & eventually you'd blow one of them up. I don't envy you.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6fsQ53kBgQ19vK63Ot3hTYI9-ytSF0a_0fWAau0zZudSTXNDMa7RICg6p_T2zD6STQYBzIeT9_Q7wlLiA6OVSsirmJqASBOz1Isp0INfVMfHYqLvxGdy0mARnlriU4MOnkQxL5uBYcuMZ/s1600/_MG_8473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6fsQ53kBgQ19vK63Ot3hTYI9-ytSF0a_0fWAau0zZudSTXNDMa7RICg6p_T2zD6STQYBzIeT9_Q7wlLiA6OVSsirmJqASBOz1Isp0INfVMfHYqLvxGdy0mARnlriU4MOnkQxL5uBYcuMZ/s320/_MG_8473.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">you won't always be this awkward and unattractive, sweet potato</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But sweet potatoes, turns out, are pretty versatile. Blah blah blah. If you hate sweet potatoes, you will hate this recipe. I'm not gonna proselytize you on sweet potatoes. Run along. <a href="http://brandonbird.com/sega_ford.html">Play some Sega</a> Genesis. If you don't hate sweet potatoes...yeah. You can use 'em a lot like potatoes. As fries, scalloped, in soups, (although they won't do <a href="http://www.jocooks.com/side-dishes/hasselback-potatoes-with-cheese-and-bacon/">this</a>) etc*. And baked, which is what this is. <br />
<br />
Whoever came up with the <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/rscottduncan/5227200120/">loaded baked potato</a>, I'd like to shake his or her hand. And then travel back in time and steal the idea from them. Its just... I can't think of a way to improve on it. They got it right. And you can similarly load up a sweet potato. Obviously they're different than potatoes, so you want to consider that in how you treat them. A baked sweet potato's texture leaves something to be desired. Unlike a baked russet potato, which is...you know what it's like, a baked sweet potato is mushy and stringy, collapsing a little when relieved of some of it's moisture. It needs help. It needs a culinary tit-job. Mixing greek yogurt together with the sweet potato flesh gives it some body, a more pleasing texture and a tartness that compliments the sweet potato's, wait for it, sweetness. It's really a loaded twice baked sweet potato, but no one's gonna read a recipe with a title longer than a tweet.<br />
<br />
Note: This is a full meal. Choose sweet potatoes that are roughly the same volume as a potato you'd eat all of. also, you could certainly go the route of the traditional loaded baked
potato-- chives, bacon, butter, sour cream, cheese--but barbecued pork, <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/leftovers.html">leftover</a> <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/not-not-chili.html">chili</a>
(which is what i did) or just cheese and <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/cooked-bacon.html">bacon</a>** work better for this.<br />
<br />
loaded sweet potato<br />
(makes 1 loaded sweet potato or just a baked sweet potato if you unload it)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhFZKTfNmPC08zGWUqPDru9XKbOXXcD-1jN_GpH3qF0Th_GKWrawOSooHGwNepHU1Am0gnBZYTAV2p4XaszaM0QjxXPKq4viKUPQUm5UJbGj_ZXaKD37slyvTP8t4YKjDu-MUmaNodZa7T/s1600/_MG_8491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhFZKTfNmPC08zGWUqPDru9XKbOXXcD-1jN_GpH3qF0Th_GKWrawOSooHGwNepHU1Am0gnBZYTAV2p4XaszaM0QjxXPKq4viKUPQUm5UJbGj_ZXaKD37slyvTP8t4YKjDu-MUmaNodZa7T/s320/_MG_8491.jpg" width="290" /></a><br />
1 sweet potato<br />
greek yogurt, 2-3 tbsp<br />
something to top it with<br />
<br />
preheat oven to 425.<br />
<br />
poke a few holes in the sweet potato with a fork so it doesn't explode in the oven. or, if you want it to explode, don't.<br />
<br />
bake for an hour. check it. it should be a bit mushy and the flesh should be separating from the skin at the top. if its not ready, put it back in & check it every 10 minutes until it's done.<br />
<br />
split the sweet potato open & pull the skin back slightly. dollop on the yogurt & carefully mix flesh and yogurt together, fluffing it a bit.<br />
<br />
top with chili, bbq, cheese, a whole rotisserie chicken...whatever you have leftover. you can do everything ahead up to this point.<br />
<br />
pop back into hot oven (350 is always safe for reheating) and reheat until completely warmed through & cheese, if you used it, is melted on top.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ftHbXYkusHp9zx4ZF_rbL45jbmnfenep20H-EssVu1NuiIEXARh1SarxsxiiWGjZ1P3HONEUtGCNDCSE2jlSFLPdZIgjyXDCS6o2SOjLtFHyq2YzYVUoj0xN46f8cDC9cbfxGVlZA0Dc/s1600/_MG_8503.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ftHbXYkusHp9zx4ZF_rbL45jbmnfenep20H-EssVu1NuiIEXARh1SarxsxiiWGjZ1P3HONEUtGCNDCSE2jlSFLPdZIgjyXDCS6o2SOjLtFHyq2YzYVUoj0xN46f8cDC9cbfxGVlZA0Dc/s400/_MG_8503.jpg" width="365" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i bet i looked like an ass trying to get this shot</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
*not that i'm complaining, i love sweet potato fries especially from these two (<a href="http://www.libertinebar.com/">a</a> & <a href="http://companycafe.net/">b</a>) greenville ave joints.<br />
*you can make chips with either tuber <a href="http://allrecipes.com/recipe/microwave-potato-chips/">using the microwave</a>. i find this method is kinda difficult and time consuming-- you have to break it into so many batches-- but when they don't burn (oh and they go from done to burnt in a second), they turn out pretty good.<br />
**much like a regular twice baked potato. use a mild cheese with sweet potatoes.aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4064961766451152035.post-2381732855376636642012-06-04T13:58:00.001-07:002012-06-04T21:39:34.948-07:00parfait<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7a_3QMVb-eZtYjCct0HASE7wz90uT5BSpnLcbkK0VVAJ74v3mEblMuiZl7u1lx9dS7jUAB08k9hGHRfAV7t9VIXemIDHLj_0bqvnzGsD8QHWMvR82fAaL8WDmAok8MnyZfPwTx5djSN7/s1600/_MG_8537.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7a_3QMVb-eZtYjCct0HASE7wz90uT5BSpnLcbkK0VVAJ74v3mEblMuiZl7u1lx9dS7jUAB08k9hGHRfAV7t9VIXemIDHLj_0bqvnzGsD8QHWMvR82fAaL8WDmAok8MnyZfPwTx5djSN7/s640/_MG_8537.jpg" width="496" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">you know what it takes to garnish a parfait? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVQPY4LlbJ4&feature=related">brass balls</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I would strangle a puma with its own face then jump over a dead hooker just to eat a parfait. They're as much a delight to eat as they are to look at. Also, elephant in the room, you might want to whip out some dead hooker-away or whatever and spray that shit on the dead hooker. I'm not going down for this, understand? And you saw what I did to that puma...<br />
<br />
This is a good, easy, not too fancy parfait (in case you're not man enough to eat a parfait with your head held high) & and I always pour a little out for my fallen puma adversaries. Actually no I don't. I'm not wasting perfectly good parfait on a puma that can't even maul me. That's ridiculous. Although it may explain the group of bloodthirsty puma ghosts who haunt my apartment.<br />
<br />
note: you can use home made <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/peanut-butter-granola.html">granola</a> for this, but I used a <a href="http://www.peacecereal.com/products">cereal I got from the store</a>. It's ideal for this. I actually like it better for parfait than my granola, no offense inner self. It's flakes help keep a nice barrier between the layers. And they're super processed, so they hold up. You can actually make it right before bed and keep it in the fridge. Not pretty, but still amazing.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Lm9UjpXZ2ApcueR6oLlurz1YpALLWDU97pZPoUif6l-XcRxAHribdzFxr1xCFceSMDiy8Ljg5mU14s4R-NUkkt7JsSAhfletZt_ToovZ25uSEISXcFNLGZG9EujPzj5aiufiqisrmXmV/s1600/_MG_8555.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Lm9UjpXZ2ApcueR6oLlurz1YpALLWDU97pZPoUif6l-XcRxAHribdzFxr1xCFceSMDiy8Ljg5mU14s4R-NUkkt7JsSAhfletZt_ToovZ25uSEISXcFNLGZG9EujPzj5aiufiqisrmXmV/s320/_MG_8555.jpg" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">yes this image is filler. yes i'm ok with that.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
parfait<br />
(makes a parfait)<br />
<br />
greek yogurt<br />
cereal or <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/peanut-butter-granola.html">granola</a><br />
frozen berry medley (or fresh if they're in season, bossy)<br />
<br />
get yourself a glass<br />
<br />
it doesn't really matter how you stack this, just start with yogurt on the bottom, then cereal, then berries (or vice versa) repeat twice. make the top fancy if you like it fancy on the top. no one's stopping you.<br />
<br />
If using frozen berries, they need to thaw a bit before consumption. The drive to work does it for me.<br />
<br />
For a zany spin on this, you can try parfait served with 2-8 strips of <a href="http://oodblo.blogspot.com/2012/05/cooked-bacon.html">bacon</a>. Who would've thought?<br />
<br />
<br />aliashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07733371663317793645noreply@blogger.com0