truck month carnitas

what's it gonna take to get you into a pile of carnitas today?

Bottom line: June is Truck Month in Texas, or so the TV tells me. Constantly. Truck Month is a traditional & festive time at one's local ford, chevy or dodge dealer. The dude from blazing saddles is there. It's a magical, magical, limited-time only season.

I love the truck holidays.

Were you good this year? Yeah? Then enjoy the best payload* in class in your stocking. Unwrap a crew cab. Decorate your shrub (it'a shrub for truck month) with very low APR. Have a new car smell flavored gin cocktail. And never forget the true meaning of truck month: hurrying to get yourself a good deal on a full size pickup before the savings on model year end close outs is history.

Obviously Truck Month is important, so I wanted to ring in the Season with savings! Er, with deliciousness. I give you the national dish of Truck Month. Carnitas.

i accept the responsibility, taco gods

I bitched a while back about taquerias serving up bad carnitas. Don't ruin truck month by making me talk about it again. This is how to not make them bad. It's a pretty simple pork shoulder confit. What's a confit, you pompous douche, you ask? In olden (pre-refrigeration) times it was a preservation method whereby meat (or whatever) was cooked in rendered fat, then allowed to cool in said fat. The fat congealed, got covered in cloth & the contents were preserved inside soooo much cooled, rendered fat, like Han Solo in carbonite. Nowadays obviously, a refrigerator stands in nicely for the old (whatever they used to store it in) of fat, so what you're left with is the cooking method. Essentially: simmering something immersed in hot fat. A slow deep fry.**

Before you start bitching about your arteries, it's not as bad as it sounds. There's no breading; no fat is being absorbed by the meat. Pork shoulder is naturally fatty, but a confit of pork is no fattier than braised pork. It also keeps the meat more moist, because... fuck it, somebody else explain...

meet lois, your new bff

If you're gonna start confiting, you're gonna want to start keeping a bucket of lard in your fridge. Reusing lard adds flavor. I know what you're thinking: a bucket of lard in my fridge? C'mon guy, isn't that disgusting and weird? Relax. And don't call me guy. It's not what it sounds like. Its actually a tupperware filled with lard. Totally different. Stick it in the back of the fridge and don't think about it. Or try giving your lard a name, like Lois, to humanize it, so you stop judging it. And if Lois gets nasty and has to go away, invest in Lois 2. You have to get over the lard thing if you want to make this.

Trust me: do it.

Make these carnitas and then maybe head out to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. Bring 'em some. Let them know you appreciate what they do. While you're there, if you wanna take a look at some serious savings on Tacomas & Tundras... hey, all the better. Happy Truck Month, everyone.

truck month carnitas

pork is for lovers

(servings vary. it goes quickly)

gotsa have:

2 lb pork shoulder, cut into 2 squarish chunks
salt, pepper, cumin
zest or peel of a navel orange (that's the size you're going for but any type of orange is ok)
lard. 4lb bucket of lard (you only need half, don't be a pussy). you'll know when you see it, because it's in a damn bucket
a sweet catch phrase-- I suggest "sweet sassy molassey"

bring the lard up to about medium heat. i like to spike mine with some bacon grease too***

dust your pork chunks with salt, pepper & cumin (or whatever you like if you wanna not copy me). press it in there to help get a crust.

drop the pork chunks and orange peel into the lard and reduce the heat to low to med-low. you want a lazy lazy simmer.

(catch phrase)

burn in heaven carnitas

let it go about 2 hours (maybe 2.5), turning every hour if the pork pieces are not quite covered (cover them as much as possible). they should have some give, but not be jiggly yet. when you get that par-jiggle, crank the heat to med-hi, until you get a nice brown crust (20 minutes or so). the pork should now have a little wiggle to it (catch phrase).

take the pork out & let it drain and rest (it's had a long day) for a bit, at least 15 minutes. should be up near 180-190 internally.

time's up? (catch phrase)**** whack it to pieces with a big knife.

If you've done it right, you'll have this rich, juicy pulled pork/cripsy bits/fleshy bites hybrid. With a little orange hint. Good luck not grabbing a handful off the top and shoving it into your mouth. Suffice it to say, it's a gift from the taco gods.

Random pic of my brother's mustache:

another taco pic. add it to the pile.

And scene.

*payload? what the fuck is payload supposed to be and how are we supposed to not think it sounds porno-ey?
**you can still, like the traditional method, cool the meat inside the cooking fat. some people say this method is best, that it adds flavor. it doesn't, but suit yourself. its not gonna hurt.
***yup, vat o' lard in the fridge, bacon grease in the freezer, virginia ham next to my fax machine: the pig essentials
****you overdid it with the catch phrase. you're just... you're over selling it.

i wish every month was truck month. oh snap. it is.

pinche!ladas

shoulda stopped right here...

Enchiladas are just... they’re a bit much. They’re too saucy and so cheesy. Sloppy. They leave nothing to the imagination. At the food halloween party, enchiladas is always dressed as a hookery hookery prostitute. You'll never find a husband that way, enchiladas. Enchiladas are inhibiting. You can't eat enchiladas and then get on an airplane. People will think there’s a bomb on the plane. 

I mean, enchiladas don't taste horrible, but the lack of visual appeal doesn't help. So, having expressed a disdain for enchiladas, obviously I decided to make & photograph & then eat some. I don't know why I make stuff I don't really like sometimes, it just happens so fast. 

Enchi...(groan)...ladas.

I'm not gonna blow sunshine up your ass. This wasn't that good. If it didn't outright suck, it was teetering dangerously close to the county line dividing Sucky and Lower End of OK counties.* Sheriff's not gonna like that. 

Unimpressive meals happen. That’s the way it goes sometimes. You’re gonna eat like three times a day for roughly the rest of your life. Odds are great some of it is gonna just really suck. Look on the bright side-- we need some lousy stuff to make the good stuff good. Otherwise we’re taste communists, and that’s un-american. So dust off your spork. Eat some disgusting slop. And enjoy it damnit. Your next meal will probably be an improvement.

note- I've had the idea in my head for awhile of making quick enchiladas with delimex taquitos and canned enchilada sauce. i ended up making my own taquitos/flautas, and using leftover sauce from this. 

pinche!ladas

(serves hopefully just you)

for taquitos (6)-

1/2 lb ground turkey

2 pieces of bacon

2 tbsp canned corn

1/4 onion chopped

a tomato, chopped

garlic clove, chopped

oregano leaves, chopped

cumin

salt

chili powder

6 corn tortillas

cheddar jack cheese

for enchiladas-

leftover chili sauce or canned enchilada sauce, taquitos

preheat oven to 350

cook the bacon in a skillet, set aside and crumble.

mix everything except the tomato, oregano, tortillas and cheese & then brown the mixture in the bacon fat over medium heat.

once it starts to brown add the tomato and oregano and turn the heat up. i like it to get some crispiness.** maybe 12-15 minutes total (including initial browning).

make sure your tortillas are warmed so they're pliable and make sure not to dry them out getting them warmed (try to get ones that are still warm from being cooked and use 'em while still warm if you can). spread some meat mixture in a tortilla. top with a little cheese and roll it up. place it in a greased pan. repeat until the mixture is gone. you could use less meat in each and roll them thinner which mean more tortillas. mine were pretty thick & I'd them thinner ti have as taquitos. spray the tops of the taquitos with olive oil cooking spray.

bake for around 40 minutes at 350

now, that's taquitos. you can store eat or freeze these (which, these were good). or do this the next day:

put two cold taquitos in a big ramekin. top with chili sauce and cheese. bake until sauce is bubbly and cheese is browning. garnish with cotija.

you look awful enchiladas. get it together

even the beer isn't helping

*not entirely true. the taquitos were decent. Also, Hahaha!! Suck it! You're reading a recipe that the author admits is crap. Why would you do that to yourself? 

** so this meat mixture was an odd pairing of stuff i needed to use. and really tasty in a weird way. the bacon kinda takes over a little bit