Root Veggie Chips

How's your bottom looking? Have people been stopping you constantly to tell you how good you look? It's not too late to make a new year's resolution.

Relax, I'm not here to bust your balls, smelly. I'm not the health food police. I'm more like a sleazy lobbyist for saturated fat.

What I'm saying is that maybe your resolution should be to gain 10 lbs. No matter what anyone says, no one likes an attractive person. And all those haters stopping to compliment you are wasting time that you could be wasting on your terms. Lucky for you, uncle oodblo has the cure-all: Eat a shitload of chips and stay seated basically always. You're welcome.

Pandering to the Times: Sweet Potato Fries

When and where did the whole sweet potato fries thing come about? I realize that's a very broad, what-the-fuck-ish sort of query, but it all happened so fast. One day I started seeing them at pubs here and there. That was followed in short succession by seeing them everywhere I might sit down to have a burger. It's like this: I can remember not having a cell phone (I should hope so, it was 2007) but I can't imagine going back to that place - nor do I have any idea how I ignored people in elevators in all the years prior to that. That's the way it'll be (hopefully) in 10 years or so when we all have bad ass, affordable jet-packs that are just part of our everyday existence. No big deal/how did we get by before? Such has become the way of the sweet potato fry.

tamales

A tamale looks nothing like what the name sounded like to me as a kid.

Same thing with sweet breads, Candlestick Park, and anyone with the name Carmen. I'm not entirely sure what I thought a tamale would look like based on name-sound alone, but the sound of "tamale" was exotic to me. Exotic in a "no way I'm eating that" 8 year old's kind of way. Like guacamole. "why the fuck*" kid me wondered "would would anybody eat guacamole? It looks weird, and that name..." ** Sight, smell, name, or just because-- I was a picky kid & nothing was going to stand in the way of me not trying new things. I could handle a lot-- baths, not being allowed to drive or make most of the family decisions, but not progress.

But with tamales it took a long time before I saw one & someone was like "no dummy, that's a tamale". I knew only that it sounded like more than I was up for. So when I finally really saw one, I was pissed off....

Why didn't anybody tell me tamales looked like this? I'll eat that shit. They should really change the name to something that doesn't sound challenging to an eight year old's palate. This looks like a wet, shiny, meat & cornbread bar. That sounds good. Why didn't they call it that? I'm going to pull Bernadette's hair & blame it on someone else.

etc

What did I know? Children are dumb, everyone knows that.

Anyway, not to hyperbolize, but tamales are good. This was my first stab at making them, so I looked around & followed the basic concept here . I was very happy with the result. Not pinche bad for a gringo.
Oh and this is a sweet potato tamale. About that. Stay with me, weiners. The sweet potato flavor was mild and the texture was strictly tamale. No funny business (maybe second base). The sweet potato was a great ingredient, because I just mixed it into the tamale dough. In a meat or bean tamale, you've got separate layers to roll together. Easier. good.

sweet potato tamales

(8 or 10 large ones)

corn husks

1 sweet potato, cooked & mixed with cumin, cinnamon, chili powder & mexican oregano

1 3/4 cup instant masa

1 cup hot water

1/2 cup lard (don't use lois for this)

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 cup chicken broth

salt

soak the corn husks in water for a few hours before you start your dough.

play the waiting game, or better, yahtzee. if you play yahtzee, you wanna get that 35 point upper bonus. trust me.

pour the water in the masa in a bowl & mix it together until it gets the consistency of moist brown sugar.

in another bowl, beat together the lard, baking powder & cooked sweet potato.

add the masa mixture, a bit at a time, to the sweet potato mixture.

when the masa is fully mixed with the sweet potato mixture, add in the chicken stock and BEAT. go to town. you want to get some air into the mixture.

when the mixture is light enough that a pinch will float in a glass of water, it's ready.

spoon about 2 tbsp of the mixture onto a corn husk & roll up the husk, folding in one end.

stack the tamales on end in a steamer***

steam for 2 hours with the lid on. check it every 15 minutes & add more water if needed. it will be needed.

after two hours, take one out and check it. If it looks like canned pumpkin, put it back in and check in 15 minutes. repeat until you have a firmer texture that resembles, oh i don't know, a tamale. I had to do this a couple of times, so don't get discouraged-- you will lose your tamale virginity with grace. The end.

*yup, even as a kid I liked working the blue. Who knew kid me & adult me would have something in common? Small world.
**Amazingly, it didn't taste like a cat's asshole when I finally tried it 15 years later.

***or as much on end as you can get them. I have a regular basket steamer, so it was hard to get them to not lay on one side. The result was that one side looked prettier than the other, but the texture and taste wasn't affected.

loaded sweet potato

Sweet potatoes, I'm learning, are a bit of an acquired taste. Maybe it's that a lot of people's exposure to sweet potatoes started with that marshmallow topped casserole from the thanksgivings of our youth. And that was it, until scientists discovered sweet potato fries 7 or 8 years ago and then big sweet potato started pushing them on restaurants.*

If you went to someone's house and they served that godawful awful slop any day but thanksgiving, you would assume that aliens had come down and inhabited the bodies of your friends. That would be the one element that tipped you off. Something's not right here. No human would do that. Then you'd have to act like you didn't know that they were aliens & eventually you'd blow one of them up. I don't envy you.

you won't always be this awkward and unattractive, sweet potato

But sweet potatoes, turns out, are pretty versatile. Blah blah blah. If you hate sweet potatoes, you will hate this recipe. I'm not gonna proselytize you on sweet potatoes. Run along. Play some Sega Genesis. If you don't hate sweet potatoes...yeah. You can use 'em a lot like potatoes. As fries, scalloped, in soups, (although they won't do this) etc*. And baked, which is what this is.

Whoever came up with the loaded baked potato, I'd like to shake his or her hand. And then travel back in time and steal the idea from them. Its just... I can't think of a way to improve on it. They got it right. And you can similarly load up a sweet potato. Obviously they're different than potatoes, so you want to consider that in how you treat them. A baked sweet potato's texture leaves something to be desired. Unlike a baked russet potato, which is...you know what it's like, a baked sweet potato is mushy and stringy, collapsing a little when relieved of some of it's moisture. It needs help. It needs a culinary tit-job. Mixing greek yogurt together with the sweet potato flesh gives it some body, a more pleasing texture and a tartness that compliments the sweet potato's, wait for it, sweetness. It's really a loaded twice baked sweet potato, but no one's gonna read a recipe with a title longer than a tweet.

Note: This is a full meal. Choose sweet potatoes that are roughly the same volume as a potato you'd eat all of. also, you could certainly go the route of the traditional loaded baked potato-- chives, bacon, butter, sour cream, cheese--but barbecued pork, leftover chili (which is what i did) or just cheese and bacon** work better for this.

loaded sweet potato
(makes 1 loaded sweet potato or just a baked sweet potato if you unload it)


1 sweet potato
greek yogurt, 2-3 tbsp
something to top it with

preheat oven to 425.

poke a few holes in the sweet potato with a fork so it doesn't explode in the oven. or, if you want it to explode, don't.

bake for an hour. check it. it should be a bit mushy and the flesh should be separating from the skin at the top. if its not ready, put it back in & check it every 10  minutes until it's done.

split the sweet potato open & pull the skin back slightly. dollop on the yogurt & carefully mix flesh and yogurt together, fluffing it a bit.

top with chili, bbq, cheese, a whole rotisserie chicken...whatever you have leftover. you can do everything ahead up to this point.

pop back into hot oven (350 is always safe for reheating) and reheat until completely warmed through & cheese, if you used it, is melted on top.

i bet i looked like an ass trying to get this shot

*not that i'm complaining, i love sweet potato fries especially from these two (a & b) greenville ave joints.
*you can make chips with either tuber using the microwave. i find this method is kinda difficult and time consuming-- you have to break it into so many batches-- but when they don't burn (oh and they go from done to burnt in a second), they turn out pretty good.
**much like a regular twice baked potato. use a mild cheese with sweet potatoes.