So this is awkward, but I'm not into the whole "throw some bacon on everything" scene*. Not exactly anyway.
Look, I'm a good person. I do a lot of volunteering (for blogs), I typically stab drifters only when provoked and I love bacon. My own dad, a fine citizen of the highest order, makes bacon everyday, so bacon as a food group has been deeply embedded in my brain/mouth/stomach for several decades.
But bacon just doesn't belong on everything. Get a hold of yourself, sit the fuck down and read the preceding sentence again if need be.
It's true. Bacon has its place**. And it's a big place, but it's not all places. To use a really weird metaphor: If the countries on a globe were comprised of foods that can be added deliciously to other foods, bacon would be China***. Do not start a land war in Bacon, friend. You will lose.
Bacon is already so good on so many normal things (loaded baked potatoes, wrapped around filets, on a plate by itself), why overdo it? I love Willie Nelson, but Always on My Mind doesn't go great with, say, working out. ****
But Americans can't get enough of a good thing*****, so for better or worse, the same mindset that pumps out culinary gold like bacon wrapped shrimp and German potato salad also gives us deep fried bacon, bacon vodka, the bacon bra (look it up yourself, pervert) and the bacon sundae****** and, someday, the future scourge of middle America: bacocaine.
Now, with all of that in mind, I'm no bacon tea-totaler. This entry may as well be called "the duality of bacon". I don't believe bacon belongs on everything, but damned if I'm not culturally, possibly genetically, programmed to not see the line in the sand that separates bacon decency from bacon self-parody. And I guess that's what brings me to maple bacon glazed donuts, a recipe that sounded (indulgently) good, that may or may not be a bit much; my woozy last step before what I'm blindly guessing to be the line in the sand. For today...
|XXX naked donuts XXX|
Donuts with Maple Glaze and Bacon
(about a dozen)
Scant 2 cups flour, divided
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg beaten
1/3 cup milk
1 tbsp canola oil
1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
oil for frying
1. Sift together dry ingredients (setting aside 1/3 cup flour) in a bowl. Add the wet ingredients and stir until a sticky dough forms.
2. Roll dough onto a floured surface and, with floured hands, work the dough until smooth, adding flour as necessary to keep it from sticking.
3. Heat oil to about 375 (med high for 10 minutes on my stove). Roll dough to about 1/4" thickness and cut into doughnut shapes. I used a wine glass and a shot glass to cut the holes. Fry donuts a couple at a time, about 3-4 minutes total. Looking for a light golden color (they'll darken as they cool).
|Cut and fry.|
4. Scrape the excess dough together into a ball, roll it 1/4" thick and cut out more donuts. Repeat as necessary. The last bits, you can either roll like a play dough snake and form donuts, or roll into donut holes.
Maple Glaze (with Bacon!):
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup
3 slices cooked bacon, crumbled
|When was the last time you had a heart attack? That's too long.|
2. Dunk the donuts in the glaze, one at a time, and top with bacon crumbles.
*If that's even the deal anymore. I feel like bacon on everything might be sooo 2008.
** my plate.
*** Two things: a) that's only if we're going by population (which does make the globe analogy confusing, but whatever). Clearly, in any other food-to-country related metaphor, bacon would be repping the olde U-S of A. b) Porktugal would be a good name for a bacon country.
****Although Redheaded Stranger does go surprisingly well with cradling a drifter I've stabbed in my arms, as they lay bleeding to death.
***** Restraint is for Canadians. Don't believe me? Look at their version of bacon.
****** OK, so I wouldn't exactly kick a bacon sundae out of bed. I just hope I can polish it off before it melts on my dignity.