Candied Pecans

One day pecans just started raining down on my patio.

"Free food is falling from the sky!" I thought as I heard that sweet thump and roll, "Jackpot."

Was it some sort of miracle? Or was there a simpler explanation? Garden variety magic, maybe an enchanted patio situation? Either way, let's dial back the expectations. Magic and miracles aren't like they appear on TV*, there's real life baggage that comes with that shit.

Pandering to the Times: Sweet Potato Fries

When and where did the whole sweet potato fries thing come about? I realize that's a very broad, what-the-fuck-ish sort of query, but it all happened so fast. One day I started seeing them at pubs here and there. That was followed in short succession by seeing them everywhere I might sit down to have a burger. It's like this: I can remember not having a cell phone (I should hope so, it was 2007) but I can't imagine going back to that place - nor do I have any idea how I ignored people in elevators in all the years prior to that. That's the way it'll be (hopefully) in 10 years or so when we all have bad ass, affordable jet-packs that are just part of our everyday existence. No big deal/how did we get by before? Such has become the way of the sweet potato fry.

Chicken Chili Verde

Chili verde. I don't know where they came up with that name. I don't even know who “they” are, but I would like a crack at their job – food namer sounds like an easy job. I could do that shit from home. Goodbye pants, hello financial security!

Anyway.

Chili verde, eh? Verde means green in Spanish (its English translation is "Spanish for the color green") and you do use green salsa, so that checks out. But chili? C'mon guy. I wasn't born yesterday*. That's not chili (we've been over this). Now, maybe if chili meant stew in Spanish (it doesn't), you'd have a point. Here's what I'm getting at: not to fuck with your mind or anything, but chili verde is actually stew (gasp). In fact, if it gets any thinner, you've crossed the border into soup country and you'd better hope you're carrying a valid form of ID, because the soup TSA doesn't fuck around.