Chicken Chili Verde

Chili verde. I don't know where they came up with that name. I don't even know who “they” are, but I would like a crack at their job – food namer sounds like an easy job. I could do that shit from home. Goodbye pants, hello financial security!

Anyway.

Chili verde, eh? Verde means green in Spanish (its English translation is "Spanish for the color green") and you do use green salsa, so that checks out. But chili? C'mon guy. I wasn't born yesterday*. That's not chili (we've been over this). Now, maybe if chili meant stew in Spanish (it doesn't), you'd have a point. Here's what I'm getting at: not to fuck with your mind or anything, but chili verde is actually stew (gasp). In fact, if it gets any thinner, you've crossed the border into soup country and you'd better hope you're carrying a valid form of ID, because the soup TSA doesn't fuck around.

Neil Young being weird. What? I ran outta food pics.

So let's see... I covered the name thing. And that's all I've got, more or less, when it comes to chili verde. Frankly, I haven't known about it for very long. Like a robot finally becoming self-aware, one day I just woke up and it was like "Ok, chili verde is a thing. Noted." No idea when that was, but I suspect if you had mentioned chili verde to me before 2003, I would have just pretended I didn't speak Spanish and crossed the border into the US away.

Despite its off-putting name and possible lack of existence prior to 2003, chili verde has a lot going for it. Namely, it tastes good. This particular recipe would be a great meal to have catered to a hostage situation - it's warm and comforting, there's not a lot to clean up. Plus, the name is a good conversation starter. Do remember though, there's probably not many bowls and spoons inside the hostage place (unless it's at Applebee's instead of a bank vault), so make sure the caterers bring plenty. Nobody's gonna want to eat that shit with their hands. But don't take my word for it. Listen to what these fake hostages had to say:

Who knew being held hostage would be so delicious!!

-Ann

I was duct taped to a filing cabinet and beaten, so I didn't get to try any. But the smell was out of this world! Great recipe!

-Fred

Fuck your so-called chili, man. I was shot in the kneecaps! I don't have insurance! It's more like stew anyway. AND I got the feeling most of the ingredients came out of a can!**

-Terry aka T-Nutzz

There you have it. That's two yeses and one whiny, uninsured person with a strange alias. Success! This is a chicken version of chili verde; I believe pork is the standard. Then again, as discussed, my knowledge of even the existence of chili verde dates back only several years, so I don't really know much about it.***

Chicken Chili Verde
(serves 3-4)

Ingredients:
1/2 a chicken
2 cans chicken broth
2 cans tomatillo salsa (or 2 cups home made, if you're gonna be like that)
1 can cannellini or other white beans, drained
1/3 cup each chopped onion and chopped peppers
1 tbsp cumin
1/2 tbsp chili powder
pinch cinnamon
greek yogurt or sour cream, chopped cilantro and lime wedges for garnish

Instructions:
1. In a pot, bring all ingredients, except the beans, garnish and cinnamon, to a boil.
2. Partially cover and simmer over low heat until the chicken is pulling away from the bones with basically no effort, about an hour and a half.
3. Pull the chicken out and set aside until cool enough to handle.
4. Shred the chicken and add it, along with the beans and pinch of cinnamon back to the pot. Serve when thoroughly heated, garnish and serve with tortilla chips.

For best results, enjoy with beer and chips, atop a weathered, wooden surface.

* But if I was, that would make me one day old and you'd be much more impressed by this blog. If I said something stupid, you'd probably just shrug it off - give the guy a break, he's only one day old.

** The fake hostage is right: many of the ingredients are from cans. Big fucking deal. If someone sasses you about reasonable canned stuff usage (hint: beans from a can=reasonable ; canned hamburger=not reasonable), a funny thing would be to look at them all serious and then go "what the FUCK did you just say to me?" There's no way they're expecting that. Unless you say that a lot, in which case, try surprising them by not being a dick for a change.

***Unlike the ham sandwich, whose memoirs I was the ghostwriter of.